zaichiki
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Posts posted by zaichiki
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We'll be passing through Chicago in August and I'm looking for something to interest for my budding aerospace engineer. College-aged. What would you recommend?
(I plan the zoo and the aquarium for my younger kids, but I think the oldest would prefer to head off on his own.)
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http://boston.cbslocal.com/2017/02/22/devin-suau-why-not-devin-cancer-brain-stem-tumor-whynotdevin/
Have you been following what's happening with Devin? Perhaps there are some ideas you can use there?
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... a career that you know does not pay well statistically, how do you feel about that? It's their dream, but most of the rewards will be praise from others and self satisfaction, not monetary compensation. Money is not everything in life, but it can be helpful. [emoji6] I would never discourage this career, but it also seems like setting this child up for struggles.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
*Many jobs don't pay well.
If my child has a dream, I want to encourage that. Not everyone has a dream or the strength to pursue it. It's something special.
I think, by and large, we are educating our kids for jobs that don't exist yet. This world is changing so fast right now... we have no idea what they'll end up faced with 10 or 20 or 30 years from now... what the opportunities could be... and people change their minds, change jobs, and take "do-overs" *all* the time. I wouldn't worry yet.
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Both of my kids are pursuing careers in the arts. Both have understood from early on that doing so means making sacrifices in other areas of their lives. Both are okay with that.
I've heard it said that no one should pursue a career in performance unless they truly cannot imagine doing anything else. That seems to be true for both of my kids. So, how I feel about it is that I'm happy they have found what makes them happy, and I'm committed to doing whatever I can to help them find ways to be successful.
Jenny,
Your dd's blog is wonderful! Thanks for sharing it.
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I was chatting with another mom at my youngest dd's violin group class. It took a bit of effort because it seemed clear she felt uncomfortable around me and I was trying to give her the message that I was not going to be overwhelming. Anyway, this mom here was Asian and had the unmistakable accent of someone who is not a native English speaker. I figured she was an immigrant from an Asian country, but I was NOT going to ask her "where are you from?" The topic naturally started to come around in a way that I could share that I had a good friend who was from Taiwan (because something my friend had shared with me fit well into the topic of conversation). Immediately, this mom relaxed and smiled and happily shared that she and her husband were also Taiwanese. She talked a little about her family's summer visits "back home." Our girls hit it off. They were both wearing the same shade of blue blouses that day and had the same haircut.This mom took a picture of them with their heads together, "twinning."
Ever since that conversation, this mom has made eye contact and started conversations with me. We have exchanged contact info and become Facebook friends. Clearly, she *feels* that I will not grill her or judge her. Obviously she feels comfortable with me now. I think it's because I did *not* ask her where she was from. Instead, I *showed* her that I knew we were equals. I shared a little about myself and my own experiences and let her take the lead about what to share about herself. Differences don't always matter. It's the similarities that are important.
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Well maybe I spend too much time around immigrants who are NOT marginalized but are rather very respected, successful members of the community. My bad.
My dh is an immigrant who often "passes" for native-born citizen due to his amazing ability to mimic/learn accents and because he looks to be of European descent. When people do ask where he is from (usually related in conversation because, as I said, he does not appear "different" to most people), he NEVER states the country he was born and raised in. He ALWAYS states the city he first lived in when they moved to the US.
Why? I used to wonder about this.
It's because of all the judgment and comments that have come his way when people *have* discovered he is an immigrant from this particular country. If he wants to avoid the judgment, opinions, and barrage of questions from strangers, he doesn't share. He gets to "pass." Someone who looks or sounds "different" doesn't have this privilege. And they are always a target for people's comments/questions.
Anyway, it's a learned behavior... avoiding the comments... not liking the questions... interpreting them as rude... because they're not always positive and they don't always feel good.
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Oh, I'm fine interacting with others. I'm fine with small talk. I'm not an introvert at all. What I *don't like* is personal questions from strangers. I wish people would simply *not* ask strangers personal questions. It's not that hard, actually. (*I* don't ask strangers personal questions when I'm out and about.)
And to expand on that... I generally don't ask strangers questions at all. For small talk, I'll make comments such as "Oh he's so adorable!" (Okay, sometimes I'll ask, "how old is he?") Or I might say something about myself, such as, "We tried that brand, too, and we really like it." But I am very careful to make sure the body language is open to small talk: I don't just walk up and start talking to strangers and I would never interrupt someone who was engaged in something else.
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No, it isn't polite. I think in quite a few situations, there is no polite way to avoid it - interacting with others, even if they are boring r poor conversationalists, or if you dislike small talk, is what is polite.
Your best bet is generally to excuse yourself, or carry around a book.
Oh, I'm fine interacting with others. I'm fine with small talk. I'm not an introvert at all. What I *don't like* is personal questions from strangers. I wish people would simply *not* ask strangers personal questions. It's not that hard, actually. (*I* don't ask strangers personal questions when I'm out and about.)
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A "polite" way to avoid random conversations on the street / grocery line would be to appear very very interested in something else - something on your smart phone, your kid's hair, the ingredients in the product you are buying, or how the fans are rotating on the ceiling.
A "polite" way to avoid discussing something painful in a social context, where chatting is expected, is to offer a vague answer and change the subject to something safer. For example: "how's your wife doing?" "Oh fine - say, do you have any vacation plans this summer? I'm thinking of ...."
So, in order to politely avoid personal interrogations, one must take pains to constantly fiddle with things and look at the ceiling? Seems over-the-top.
IME, I have had people walk right up to me, even though I was obviously engaged in other things. People have "grilled" me in public before. I normally don't perseverate on it -- I go ahead and go about my day. But, I do wish people would think about others' possible points-of-view and not just their own curiosity before they speak to strangers.
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You could say "I'm not interested in talking to you." You could excuse yourself. Wear shirts with controversian slogans so people won't approach you.
So... you think "I'm not interested in talking to you" is a polite response? (I did ask for an example of a *polite* way to not engage in a personal conversation with strangers.)
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Is that really a personal detail though? I don't really care who knows I was born in Buffalo, NY, and it can be a bit of a conversation starter because it seems most everyone either knows someone from Buffalo or has something to say, good or bad, about Buffalo.
Are people being detained by strangers pestering them about personal details?
Yes: where someone is born is a personal detail.
Yes: people do get repeatedly "detained" by strangers asking them personal details.
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I get why this happens. I am 100% sure nobody is attempting to be rude. However, I think it could be an opportunity for better training. For one thing, it bugs my kids, who don't appreciate the assumption that the nearest brown-skinned person has to be their mom. (My sugar-challenged kid is already crabby when she's hungry, so she has been known to pipe up with "SHE's my mom," pointing at me, which is also kind of awkward.)
A friend of my dd's, who is half Chinese, has shared with us that *every* time she goes out in public where another Asian adult is in the area, people *always* assume *that* adult is her mother/father or somehow "the person she is with." She laughed it off, BUT *she* brought up the topic in a way that made it clear that it has gotten old and it really bothers her. It has happened her whole life. Sometimes she just wants to not "stand out."
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I know this is such a trivial question in this thread, but I am fascinated by this. What does that mean? Like, there's a big football rivalry? Or your school had some scandal attached to it?
Hard to imagine having to brace myself for such a question. And I did not to to an impressive school.
My dd has learned to be wary when people ask what music school she attends *because* she has had a number of experiences where people will immediately judge her and decide she is a certain kind of person with certain goals because of it. (There have been times when other kids who have been friendly with her, new friends, immediately treated her differently at the moment they learned where she went to school.)
I have a friend who went to Brown. Where we live, in this rural area, many people have a "knee-jerk" reaction to people who have attended Ivy League schools and have decided these people are elitist and think they are superior. This judgment is SO COMMON, that my friend will *not* say they went to Brown when conversation turns to college. Instead, she says "I went to school in Rhode Island." I actually knew her pretty well for a while before she would share that she attended Brown. She kept deflecting the topic. I have met others who do not mention MIT, Yale, Harvard, or Princeton. This is a learned response. It is because they have gotten judged and treated differently by people who have stereotyped them and treated them differently.
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Shutting down conversation without an attempt to read meaning is also rude.
I think this is a cultural perspective.
In some places, people would like to be given the prerogative to engage in conversation with strangers or not. They don't want to be forced into conversation (and then be seen as rude for not giving the person the conversation they want).
Who gets to decide? Who gets the "right?" Is the person who *wants* the conversation always in the right and the person who doesn't feel like having a conversation with a stranger right then always in the '"wrong?" Whose rights trump the other person's? In the northeast of America, generally, unless we're given clear body language signals, we err on the side of giving strangers their privacy. That is interpreted as respectful.
I think cultural differences could be the driving factor in people feeling "accosted" by personal questions from strangers who are just curious and just want to start a conversation.
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Then you have a ton of options how to choose to answer:
"I was born in x". "I grew up in y"." My folks are from all over the place". "I live in Z". "I've lived all over" "Hard to say... chuckle"....
Even as a person with a known, boring heritage, I have answered the question "Where are you from?" in different ways, depending on context:
"I'm from ____town-in the US".
"I'm from ____state in the US"
"I'm from Germany".
"I'm from __town in Germany".
"I'm from the US".
What if the person doesn't want to share any personal details with a stranger? How do they politely communicate "leave me alone and let me go about my day?"
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I love to know people's stories, no matter if they were born in the town we're in right now or anywhere else in the world. But I don't ask about it directly because I know the question can be complicated or tiresome for many people (like my own children). Most of the time, the topic comes up in longer conversations when I get to know the person better. I have an Korean-American friend here whose ethnicity I know from chatting with her for a while in different settings. A few months ago, I met a woman who emigrated from the USSR to Argentina to the US. You wouldn't know just by looking at her and talking to her for five minutes that she wasn't born her her country of citizenship, but because we talked for an hour, it came up naturally in the conversation and I was able to hear her whole story. A friend of mine whose grandparents emigrated from Armenia has an Armenian first name name, so when I met her the first time, I asked if her name was Armenian and that opened up a conversation into her background.
In other words, if you really want to know, get to know the person and let them choose what they tell you.
<3 I agree with Amira: I won't ask directly unless I already really know the person and there is the beginnings of a friendship/trust there.
(I bristle at strangers asking personal details of me.)
I might love to know, but I also have to respect that just because I want to know something doesn't mean I necessarily have the right to infringe upon some stranger's privacy.
Maybe that perspective comes from being from the American Northeast? (I know that people in the north really appreciate privacy and it's generally seen as more respectful to give that and not "interrupt" strangers with conversation. In the south, it's more culturally respectful to make small talk and acknowledge strangers in public. Strange how opposite behaviors show respect in different places, huh?)
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Just make SURE that whatever courses DS takes as dual enrollment WILL transfer to his university of choice AND COUNT towards the Engineering or Math degree program. Gen. ed. credits are usually the most flexible about that
Ds, who graduates this month, did both dual enrollment and concurrent enrollment in high school. He's headed for mechanical/aerospace engineering. At university in the fall he will go directly into Calculus 3. Some of the university classes he took during high school will fulfill general ed requirements: writing, US History, American Literature, and Marine Science. He has also taken Intro to Engineering/Principles in Engineering type classes that will count. This means he will need to take fewer credits per semester for the first couple of years... or maybe he'll try a new class that strikes his fancy (he'll have the space in his schedule and the opportunity).
I will echo what Lori says: make sure the courses will count. (Although, HOW you make sure so early, when you don't know where they'll end up, I have no idea.) Maybe contact the admissions department at the universities you think will be most likely?
Good luck!
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My DS has an interesting eye that looks a lot like this: https://goo.gl/images/hEkf74
It's been cool to watch it grow and change over time. Eye colors are very complicated!
One of my brother's eyes is like that, too. I've not seen it in anyone else. It must be rare!
(My mother used to tell a crazy story that his pupil was damaged during birth and "leaked" into the color of his eye, creating a brown "smear." Sigh. It was years before he believed me when I told him that story was hogwash.)
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"Your people" strikes me as a very rural turn of phrase.
FWIW, I think it's old-fashioned, instead.
When I was growing up my grandmother (who was never a rural person) used the phrase "my people." From the context it was obvious that she meant her grandparents, great-grandparents, and other ancestors. (Background: she was a second generation American with Irish and possibly Scottish and French-Canadian ancestry and she talked about her ancestors a lot.)
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Our town does not have a high school, but sends its kids to high schools 15 miles away... 15 miles down winding country roads...
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Years ago my oldest two got together with some friends and held a lemonade stand at a busy intersection, switching off in groups of three or four to keep it staffed most of the day, for a week. The group made hundreds that week and donated it to the local humane society. They did something similar a few years later for Alex's Lemonade Stand: https://www.alexslemonade.org/
Dd has also participated in a number of fundraiser concerts.
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My double reeds professor once said that he never knew a double reeds student without a high GPA.
One of the graduating seniors at my dd's pre-college music school, a bassoonist, decided not to audition for conservatories. Instead, she will be attending Yale and double majoring in astrophysics and biology.
The choice to attend an academic university (and a competitive one, at that) instead of pursuing music performance is a common one among the most advanced young musicians, interestingly. Some of the most impressive young classical musicians of this age also have other interests and talents. Almost seems unfair for so much skill and talent, in several very different areas, to reside in one person... heh. And it's common (in that subset)! lol
(Actually, as a pp mentioned, it makes sense: if a young child is a quick learner, capable of intense focus and has a willingness to work hard, they would likely excel in various areas over time.)
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Of course, if your child is applying to Juilliard for a music major, they better be completely focused on that starting at an early age.
Since you brought up Juilliard, I will share some info for those who may be considering choosing between a focused education and a well-rounded one. I know a bunch of Juilliard students. I know *many* who have and who will apply (audition for) Juilliard as music performance majors.
Facts: most kids who get into Juilliard and similarly "impossible" conservatories also took AP classes in high school and maintained wicked-high GPAs. Many of them also applied to Ivy League schools. Many of those who did got into both the Ivy League schools based on their grades/coursework/SAT scores *and* Juilliard based on their audition.
Now returning to your regularly scheduled programming...
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No-climb fencing works well for us, generally, but somehow they do sometimes find a way to get out. I believe they see a fence as a challenge to overcome (even if there's nothing better on the other side). Goats are super clever and really friendly. The kids love them!
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best place to get to know Abraham Lincoln?
in The Chat Board
Posted
We'll be studying Abraham Lincoln later this summer and I'd love to take the kids on some field trips. Where would be the best areas to visit? Kentucky? Indiana? Springfield, Illinois? Any specific suggestions would be appreciated!