[pretty sure i made the wrong decision. alas.]

1 hour ago, Frances said:

Can he walk to school?

He can, but he would have to get up earlier.

The older two walk home most days, weather permitting. 

[pretty sure i made the wrong decision. alas.]

2 hours ago, lmrich said:

(and you are teaching first, right)

These are all great ideas... I'm teaching 6-8th math this year, so they don't all apply exactly, but they're still good!

[pretty sure i made the wrong decision. alas.]

17 hours ago, kbutton said:

Just a thought...if you choose to stick it out, maybe consider having this child ride the bus? I know it's early and wasted time, but he could potentially fill the time with homework or reading, and an extra stop could give you significant margin.

The high school shares a parking lot with the grammar school that I teach at, and there is no high school bus if you live within 1.5 miles of the school. It's just a matter of having to get him there by 7:10, rather than having an extra 30 minutes or so. I am not required to be in my classroom until 7:45, but I do find it useful to be there at 7:15 every morning! (I drop the younger three in the before-school program the school runs.)

17 hours ago, kbutton said:

And extracurriculars...I would weigh those a great deal.

This is something that I am struggling with. DS13 takes viola and piano lessons after school, and just joined the youth orchestra in the summer. DS10 takes trumpet lessons. DS13 & DS8 each have 2 soccer practices during the week, plus travel games on the weekend. It didn't seem like so much when we were at home during the day! Thankfully, the last soccer game of the season is today. (yippee!)

Next year, DS13 will be in high school, and he will have to make some hard decisions about after-school activities. And I've already put a bug into the 8yr old's ear about playing baseball (which is all in-town) rather than soccer (which is travel) in the spring.

15 hours ago, Ausmumof3 said:

Maybe you can reassess closer to the summer break?

This I will do.

[pretty sure i made the wrong decision. alas.]

18 hours ago, Not_a_Number said:

Do you need advice, @Noreen Claire, or a place to vent?

It’s such a huge transition. And so hard. You have all my sympathy.

Both. I need both!

I appreciate everyone's support, commiseration, and "been there, done that" advice. I kinda wish I had asked for the advice earlier!

[pretty sure i made the wrong decision. alas.]

19 hours ago, Kuovonne said:

If you choose to quit mid-year or at the end of the year, how do those different options affect your future employment in a few years when your kids are grown and flown, or at least more independent? Would you be burning any bridges that you would regret?

If you hated the job itself, I think your choice would be clear. If your kids hated school, your choice would be clear. But you don’t hate the job itself. You’re tired of dealing with the physical and mental exhaustion. You are going to have to give up something. What is the combination of things that will work for you and your family? I have no idea.

If I quit mid-year, I would not ever be able to work in this school district (the city that I live in) again, and I would feel immensely uncomfortable & guilty if any of my kids wanted/needed to stay in the public school after I had left them in the lurch. That bridge is much too big to burn. Unless something catastrophic were to happen, I am in this for the full year. 

18 hours ago, fairfarmhand said:

If you dh can’t get up with the kids, can he be in charge of helping the kids prep for the next day before bed? Clothing picked, shoes by the door, backpacks prepped? That alone would help morning go more smoothly.

I have streamlined as much as I can in the morning. Eating breakfast and making lunches are still issues, and this is a function of picky eaters/personalities/too small a kitchen/"do I want school lunch today?"/food allergies. Also, I think there are just too many choices sometimes - I had a bowl of cereal every single morning for breakfast, kindergarten through high school. My kids have had me home for the last 10 years, so there was always much more variety for breakfast & lunch and we need to simplify this to fewer (& easier) options. We keep working on it. Some days are better than others.

[pretty sure i made the wrong decision. alas.]

6 hours ago, Ali in OR said:

I am NOT on team quit-in-the-middle-of-the-year. You just don't do that in a school setting unless there are extraordinary circumstances

This is honestly one of the main reasons that I haven't quit. I've started developing relationships with these people, and I know how hard it would be on them all if I just quit. Several teachers have quit/retired/left for medical reasons already this year (and one who was on medical leave died this past week). The school is already short-staffed. I couldn't willingly make it worse.

[pretty sure i made the wrong decision. alas.]

8 hours ago, Granny_Weatherwax said:

If you're at all like me, you're going through a period of mourning. You gave up a life you enjoyed - the outings, the leisure, the time spent as a family - and you need to let yourself mourn that loss. Maybe plan a day or a weekend for dedicated family time. No play dates, no organized activities, just family time. I know how difficult that sounds, esp with 4 children, but by making it a priority you might feel a bit more grounded and less out of control.

If it matters, I don't think you've made a mistake. I'm certain you didn't make the decision to return to work on a whim. The reasons you made the decision to return to work are valid and haven't changed. It's just a difficult time but you are taking steps to care for yourself and you're talking to your DH. Those steps are important and should be applauded.

Thank you for this. Mourning is the right word. It's a huge adjustment and I'm feeling the loss of what we gave up.

[pretty sure i made the wrong decision. alas.]

1 minute ago, Granny_Weatherwax said:

I'm so sorry you are feeling stressed. Could it just be a rough adjustment period? The illnesses aren't helping and that is enough to push anyone over the edge. Perhaps, once everything settles a bit and you are able to figure out a new rhythm, you will feel better. Life changes are difficult, messy, stressful, and strange.

Are there areas you can give up some of your control? Just let things slide for a bit until you are feeling better?

Do you write things down? Do you use a planner? A whiteboard? What are your coping mechanisms to help you through each day, week, season?

I used to keep a bullet journal religiously, but I've had trouble keeping it up since I went back to work. I have a big calendar on the side of the fridge to write family appts and kid activities that I need to update.

It has been a rough adjustment. I knew it would be, but I guess not to what extent. My therapist refers to it as 'playing tetris in a blender', and that's a pretty apt description - so many moving parts, and nothing solid to stand on. I do think that upping my ADHD meds for a while should help (I was doing SO MUCH BETTER before I started working!). Now that the soccer season is over (tomorrow!), I'm hoping to have time to maybe go back to the gym, or at least get some exercise in at home a few times a week. I have let my own health (mental and physical) slide since going back to work. I also need to get to bed earlier each night, but it's hard when I've been so overstimulated/overwhelmed during the day and I need to decompress before I can go to bed. Two more hours of sleep each night would be helpful!

[pretty sure i made the wrong decision. alas.]

55 minutes ago, kristin0713 said:

I’m so sorry. I would have a very real conversation with DH and say “I’m absolutely miserable. I cannot do this anymore.” Is keeping them in school and substitute teaching an option? I know it’s not as much money but you could do it as much or little as you want. Might be a compromise? 

Subbing is no where near the same amount of money, and really wouldn't be worth it. Plus, I need 2.5 more full-time years to be vested in the pension system.

[pretty sure i made the wrong decision. alas.]

1 hour ago, Hilltopmom said:

It is tough. I’m there too. It does get better- the sickness, the routine, etc. But it’s still hectic, that’s just the way it is for 2 working adults with kids.

some things around the house we just let go. Deep cleaning is a winter break and summer thing. Museums we do on school breaks and are at the door when they open. Hiking is on weekends. Groceries I do one night a week while ds is at dance. I try to get out to water aerobics 2 nights a week and read for pleasure a few nights after the kids are in bed. Only the 1 kid does an outside activity.

Saturdays are our fun days and on Sunday we clean bathrooms, meal plan and prep.

We usually split who stays home with sick kids but dh just accepted a new job so it will be me this year while he adjusts to new place. But he will start at 8 instead of 6:30 so he’s going to be helping with the kids morning routine now. We also have my parents locally to help with watching sick kids.

I also teach online PD for teachers but I like it and it’s on my own time since all are asynchronous. 
 

But yeah-big lifestyle change. I stayed home till the grown kids were nearing the end of high school. This set of younger kids are doing fine at school for the most part and enjoy it. We wanted my benefits and need the retirement system so here we are. I too love the actual teaching part 🙂

Best of luck.

ETA- our librarians also judge how my year is going by how often I’m there to check out books “for me” 😂 

I might put just put aside a bit of money each week for a cleaning person to do the bathrooms and floors. This would take something off my plate and be worth the cost. I've been having groceries delivered, because I can add to the order all week and not have to lose two hours to grocery shopping.

The fall soccer season ends this weekend, so I'm hoping that things will slow down a tiny bit and we can do more fun things again on the weekend or evenings (though, there are still 3 music lessons and an orchestra practice each week). 

[pretty sure i made the wrong decision. alas.]

7 hours ago, Not_a_Number said:

How are they feeling about school? 

I think it depends on the day, and the kid.

7 hours ago, klmama said:

Instead of getting used to spending the increased income, could you bank it or pay down debt? 

I've been saving about 80-85% of my pay each week. Though, taking this job has been expensive to start! Everyone needed school "stuff", and I continue to have to buy things for my classroom every week. 

5 hours ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

It sounds like you need to have a very frank conversation with your dh about how you feel and how it's affecting your kids. 

He knows, mostly.

2 hours ago, Eos said:

It sounds like a lot of the stress is how much of the logistics falls on you: the getting up and out, the emotional/mental labor of supporting sick kids.  If your DH can't examine and then split this stuff 50/50, it won't change your burden.  The constant illness and interacting with medical people is just insult to injury.

What really won't change even if DH steps up with his side of the infrastructure is the loss of your cherished time with your kids.  Life is short, make it sweet.

1 hour ago, scholastica said:

I would say work to the end of the school year and see how you feel then. Also, since both of you are working full time, your dh should be evenly splitting the work in the home. Laundry and dishes are not enough. If he has to do 1/2 the work along with his job, he’s more likely to see that there’s a time cost to working that is not made up by the extra $$. That labor should not mostly fall on you. You are both parents of these children and responsible for the home. If one of you stays home, it makes sense that person does more. If one of you is homeschooling or teaching the burden should be split equitably.

When I said that he's taken over the laundry and the dishes, I meant that *in addition to* the stuff he has always done. He does as close to half of the driving kids, the housework, etc. as he can. He puts the kids to bed most nights. But, he also works two other jobs in addition to teaching high school (he teaches night school at the high school one night a week, so he's not home on Tuesdays until after the kids are in bed, and he's teaching one asynchronous college course so he's got random student zoom meetings during the week). One of my main stressors is getting everyone up and out each day, and he cannot help with that because he leaves for work by 5:15am each day. I get up at 5, get the kids up at 6, and we need to be in the car a few minutes before 7am so my 8th grader can make it to his math class at the high school by 7:15. (It should be a 5-min drive, but the school traffic is awful!)

But, I am the one with all the mental load, still. Who needs shoes? Where are the warm jackets, and who needs a new one?  When is the next dentist/orthodontist/pedi appt? etc. I will also readily admit that I have a hard time giving up mental load to him, as I have control issues and I want/need things done a certain way. It's also just easier to have one person in charge of all of the logistical stuff.

1 hour ago, DawnM said:

1. Do the kids want to stay in school?   Or do they also miss being home and homeschooling?

2. Will the loss of income significantly alter anything if it isn't there?   And by that I don't mean just your income yearly, but retirement?   

3. Are you currently staying home every time a child is sick, or do you have someone to watch them when they are home?

1. The youngest is enjoying school now, but September was rough. He's also been the sickest. The 8th grader is enjoying the social aspects; he loves being around friends. He also enjoys being in the band (he's learning a 3rd instrument). He does realize that he's not getting quite the same level of education -- he asked me the other day, out of the blue, if we could start learning Latin again! The 3rd grader loves being around kids all day, but the need to be good, quiet, and still during school hours might just kill him. He comes home absolutely fried each day, hungry and tired and out of spoons. I also think he's gone backwards in his reading from where he was in the summer, so I'm trying to figure out how to get that in with him each day without him thinking we are doing more school. My 5th grader is completely academically unchallenged with 5th grade work, but our goals for him are social this year. (He's got a recent ASD diagnosis.) I am happy that the Special Ed director at the school recognizes that the school academics are not appropriate for children with his abilities, and she's trying to figure out how we can challenge him while also leaving him in the 5th grade classroom so that he can continue to interact with age-appropriate peers.

2. I need 2.5 years to be vested in the state pension system. In four years there will be kids to send to college, which is why I figured it was time to go back to work, as I could pay off debt, make repairs/upgrades to the house, and buy a new car before we need to start paying for colleges.

3. Dh has taken 3 of the 5 sick days so far between us. I've had my dad and his dad each come stay a day with a sick kid. My mom retired last week (::happy dance::), so she said that she would be happy to help as much as I needed. And just in time, too, as I have a professional development day next week and all my kids have the day off!

 

[pretty sure i made the wrong decision. alas.]

I have so many words, but they are mostly incoherent.......

I decided to go back to work. I didn't NEED to go back right now, but I felt maybe this was a good time, so I enrolled all four kids in the local grammar school and I took a job there, too.

I'm fairly sure that I made the wrong choice.

Don' get me wrong - I love the *teaching* part. I love the kids and the relationships and the math. It is every other damn thing about it that is awful.

Awful?

Stressful?

Stupid?

Disappointing?

IT IS SO MUCH MORE &*%$ WORK TO GET MYSELF AND FOUR KIDS UP,  DRESSED, FED, LUNCHES PACKED, AND OUT OF THE HOUSE EVERY DAMN MORNING. So much more work to get everyone home and fed and homework done. No time -- NO TIME -- to do the things we loved to do together - museums, day trips, playgrounds, rabbit trails in the curriculum, learning what we want, leisurely trips to the library multiple times a week, outside time in the daylight and fresh air, etc... And it almost all falls on me. DH has taken over the laundry and the dishes, but that's the mindless, easy, little stuff. I still have all the heavy lifting, plus more now that we're outside the house.

EVERYONE IS CONSTANTLY SICK.  NOT A SINGLE DAY WITHOUT COUGH/FEVER/SNIFFLES/EAR INFECTIONS/STOMACH VIRUS/ANTIBIOTICS/ER VISITS/MORE COUGHING/MORE SNIFFLING IN TEN WEEKS! I've got a follow-up next week, and I will have put on (more) weight and my ADHD meds will need to be upped, because it's not cutting it anymore.

[I wrote and deleted many other paragraphs about my kids and all the ways learning at home was better for them. I'll just skip that for now.]

There's nothing to be done about it. I made the decision, and now I have to stick with it. DH says, "you can change your mind at the end of the year," but I cannot imagine that he would want to give up the salary I'm making once we're used to depending on it. 

Not a day goes by that I don't seriously think about quitting...

DH went to the library to pick up a book for me and the librarians at the desk were worried, because it was *only one book* and we hadn't been around much. She asked him if I was sick... He told me this story and I started weeping in my kitchen. The only people who are sad for me and my kids are the librarians. My DH and my BFF and my family all think it so SO GREAT that the boys and I all go to the same school together! It must be so wonderful! So convenient! So much fun! They have no idea what I made us all give up.

I miss homeschooling. 😞

[PANS families- flu shot causing flare?]

DS13 would have a flare whenever he had inflammation of any kind - vax, loose tooth, scraped knee, ingrown finger, cold, whatever.

I would have expected him to have a larger-than-expected flare after getting both a covid booster and a flu shot at the same time a few weeks ago, but he's been having a long-term recurrence of PANDAS symptoms since he had a mild case of covid in May/June. He's improved a lot since his symptoms returned, but he's still not back to where he was before getting covid. I'm really hoping that this does not become his new 'normal'.

[grumble, grumble, grumble.]

So, this morning she emailed and said that he did "excellent" and that she "highly recommends" him for the honors geometry class. 😁

I will have him sit for the alg2 exam after school starts, to get that out of the way (before he forgets it all!) and then he will be all set to start at the HS next year in a pre-calc class.

As always, thanks for letting me vent!

[Kate DiCamillo books...]

We just listened to The Magician's Elephant on a long car ride and my boys (5, 8, 10, & 13) really enjoyed it.

[grumble, grumble, grumble.]

2 hours ago, Pawz4me said:

That stinks! I hope he does very well on the test.

We ran into a similar problem when DS was accepted into an early college high school program. They wanted him to take a math placement test. DS and I kinda rolled our eyes (at home) and said okay, whatever, because I AM just a homeschool mom. But on the day of the test I thought to bring the curriculum we'd been using along with some of his test papers. The teacher looked those over for all of a couple of minutes and decided he definitely didn't need to take a placement test and that he would have been bored out of his mind in the lower level class she thought he might have needed.

I emailed copies of his exams from the end of 6th and 7th grades, but I got no feedback from them. 🤷

He finished, said it was pretty easy. I may ask if he can also sit for the alg2 exam before school starts in order to get ahead of the placement issue next year!

[grumble, grumble, grumble.]

So, the superintendent, assistant superintendent, and principal of the pubic school were all completely fine with DS13 taking geometry at the high school first period everyday, and then walking next door to the grammar school to do the rest of his 8th grade day. No one second guessed my course placement for him (he's finished both algebra 1 and 2 already - had planned to do geometry at home in 8th but now we're all going to pubic school next month). HOWEVER, the math dept head at the HS insisted that he take the honors algebra 1 final exam that she gives her students to "prove" that he's capable of the honors geometry class (I guess the only 1st period geometry class is the honors level).

If I was just "homeschool mom", I guess would understand, even if I don't like it. They've probably had homeschooled kids come in unprepared before. (Or maybe not? We don't have a large homeschool community here.) BUT! I was hired to be the advanced math teacher at the grammar school, who will be the one teaching alg1 to 8th graders and sending students to the HS ready for 9th grade geometry. If anyone is qualified to say whether he should be in honors geometry, IT'S ME! So, I need to keep my attitude in-check and go along so as to not be seen as pushy or bitchy to my new colleagues before I even start my job. Bah.

To top it off, DS13 is worried that, if he does poorly, it will reflect badly on *me*, and doesn't want to let me down (even though he would rather be in my alg1 class, so he can sleep 45 minutes later in the mornings!).

Anyway, I'm sitting in the parking lot with my emotions, waiting while he takes the honors alg 1 final exam in the guidance office of the HS.

I brought my knitting, but I don't seem able to focus...

[Has anyone ever gone straight from BA4 to Intro to C&P?]

On 8/9/2022 at 5:03 PM, Malam said:

Do you think he would have been able to pass the "are you ready" test before he started? Is he able to pass it now?

I didn't look before he started. I just pulled it up and had him work through it - he was able to do parts 1 (a & b), 2 (a & b), and 4 (a) by himself, and the rest with a bit of scaffolding from me.

Honestly, the Intro C&P book starts at exactly where BA4D leaves off, and whatever concepts that he needed to solve the more complicated problems I was able to explain to him as we went along.

[It's official... we're no longer homeschooling. I'm having all the feelings...]

17 minutes ago, Longtime Lurker said:

Congrats! Will your kids be in the same building as you?

Yes!

Honestly, this was up there in the list of reasons to take this job - all four boys will be going into the same building together -- two in the lower school, two in the upper school -- and they will be there to support each other. (DS13 will be in the high school next year, so this is the only year that this would happen!) We will all go in together in the morning, and all leave together in the afternoon, so no worrying about bus schedules or parent drop-off/pick-up.

[It's official... we're no longer homeschooling. I'm having all the feelings...]

I accepted a teaching job at the local school, and I finished the enrollment process for my rising 8th, 5th, 3rd, and K'er this afternoon. This evening, I got today's district-wide email about school meals, so I guess it's official - we are public schoolers again.

I'm excited to return to the classroom! All I ever wanted to do was teach. I'm looking forward to the challenge, and to the paycheck! But, I'm also mourning the homeschool life that we've lived these last six years. I will dearly miss the freedom to do what we want, when we want. I will miss the control that I had over books, curricula, and other resources. I will miss sleeping late and snuggling on the couch with my littles, a book, and a cup of tea. 😭

We aren't/weren't ideological homeschoolers; DH and I were/are public school teachers. We started homeschooling with DS13 because he had serious neurological issues after a strep infection (he had PANDAS), and was absolutely not well enough to return to the public school in 2nd grade. We just had a lot of fun, and found that it was a good fit for these kids and just kept doing it. However, this job, at this school, at this time, is (I hope) the right choice for now.  

I'm happy. I'm excited. I'm nervous. I'm sad. I'm worried. I'm cautiously optimistic. I'm a giant tangled ball of emotions! (My therapist has been very helpful!)

There's still so much more to do... educational evaluations, making sure placement is correct in math/honors classes, buying school supplies that we didn't need at home (backpacks, lunchboxes, etc), getting covid boosters, rescheduling all of the appointments I've made for the next 6 months or so that we can no longer make because we will be in school... and so.much.paperwork.

Anyway, thanks to all of you for the support, knowledge, and kindness you've shared with me over the last six or seven years. I'm still going to be here, but will be more of an 'afterschooler' from now on. (Is someone cutting onions in here? Something in my eye...)

[I had a job interview today... **update: they offered me the job**]

1 hour ago, DawnM said:

There is nothing wrong with trying it out and if it goes horribly, you can always leave.

This is a thing I'm going to hold on to. 

[I had a job interview today... **update: they offered me the job**]

2 minutes ago, Ann.without.an.e said:

What do your boys think?

They are nervous, and full of questions. I told them that I was also nervous, and that this was a thing that we would all be doing together, which made them seem a bit more at ease. They all say that they would prefer to stay home, but they aren't *totally* opposed to going to the public school, either.

[I had a job interview today... **update: they offered me the job**]

So, they called today and offered me the position. (Well, the building principal wants to put my name forward to the school department, and then the Superintendent will make the final decision, I think?)

I may have cried, fought an immense urge to vomit, threatened to throw myself into a volcano (are there any volcanoes in New England? lol), talked to my BFF for over 30 minutes, tried to figure out where I would fit on the pay scale, and had a long discussion with the four younger boys about what would happen if I accept the job and enroll them all in school.... DH said to sleep on it (who can sleep when it's still 85F at 10:30pm?) and make decision in the morning. I have to email the building principal tomorrow with my decision.... Ugh. 😱 🤮🤔

Change is scary and hard and I'm not a fan...

[Has anyone ever gone straight from BA4 to Intro to C&P?]

Coming back to post an update (of sorts) for anyone who opens this thread at a later time...

DS10 is still going through the Intro to C&P book. He's not working for long periods of time (it is summer, after all) but he is still working in the book and enjoying it and doing well. In the process, he's learned how to solve absolute value inequalities, learned how to derive the quadratic formula by completing the square, and greatly improved his ability to "see" ways to simplify a problem before attempting to solve it. But, he really seems to have hit his stride with the geometric probability section - he wrote up an alternate solution to a problem for me to send to AoPS, and the author of the text replied with his approval. That made him very pleased!

[I had a job interview today... **update: they offered me the job**]

1 hour ago, fraidycat said:

Good luck, I hope you are able to thoughtfully weigh all the pros and cons and come to a decision you feel at peace with.

Is this a job that you actively applied for, or were you recruited?

They posted the position on Saturday, and I applied for it Sunday night. They called Tuesday morning to schedule an interview for Wednesday.

It's all going so fast!