We have a Bissell that we got at Walmart a few years ago. We use it whenever a child poops on the floor and I have a gross-out nervous breakdown. I passionately hate carpet but we rent and have to compromise. I am not sure how good a job it does but it's kind of gratifying watching the almost black water being dumped after the cleaning is done.

Thank you, AM. I just wanted to chime in again and answer this. I spent a lot of Saturday morning crying. I was sort of set off by having a bad morning (waking up at 5:30 am to a pounding headache and yelling toddler etc) but I think part of it might have been the fact that I am back to knowing I have to homeschool. For the few days that we had decided to send the kids to a school, and thought we wouldn't have much trouble doing so, (before the reality check) I was starting to feel relief and excitment about having the older 2 out of the house for several hours a day, knowing the weight of their education would be taken off my back and dreaming about having a house that doesn't look like a "Toys r Us inspired crack den" as well as being able to possibly catch up on my sanity. It's odd because I want to homeschool and think it's best. It's just plain hard. I am not cofident and capable in it, and circumstances are not ideal. I was encouraged by a comment a couple pages back to come up with a homeschool plan that is realistic. Not a plan that will just give me another thing to fail at, and be discouraged by. Realistic for real, based on my actually situation and abilities. Lots of screen time, for example, may be horrifying to some homeschoolers. It is what it is. I can't hold myself to other people's standards or pretend I have their circumstances/ strengths/ personality etc. Here's our basic plan: - Get on medication (for me). I already know which one I'm going to ask for having been on several and I feel hopeful knowing that it's fairly effective with minimal side effects. - Older 2 kids participate in the local homeschool co-op. 2 hours of class time each kid, one day a week seems reasonable. - Do any homework from co-op during the week (hopefully minimal) - 2 days a week of table-work with our set of curriculum - Read aloud and/ or audiobooks - Magic school bus (Netflix) for science - Starfall math - Educational DVDs from the library

Thanks so much, Alley. I do easily freak out about this kind of stuff and I really hope over time as a homeschooler I will get more confident. I was all bent out of shape when I first started this thread. I really let that morning at the charter school get to me. But I'm doing better now. My perspective is getting clearer. BTW I made an appointment in about 3 weeks (soonest I could get) for a meds talk with the doctor. I felt like it was an acheivement that I got off my antidepressant the last time I was pregnant but I'm in a different season now and I ain't too proud to admit I am thankful that medication for depression is available.

Honestly, the way we were treated the other day it would not surprise me if charter schools set up obstacles to keep out their less preferred type of student. I don't know if it's true but that's exactly how it seemed to me. We left there feeling completely defeated and unwelcome and I can't help but wonder if that was intentional on their part.

I thought about this comment today. I talked to my dad, Homeschool Hater Extraordinaire. I did not hold back with him today. My last nerve is shot. But it's still not fun being kicked when you're down. I will consider avoiding him.

Thanks, all, for giving me some perspective on what is normal. By the way, the only reason I know about the writing 1 - 100 task that they were given is because she breifly showed me the test packet after the whole 2 HOUR thing was over to tell me how poorly they did. She showed me her graded red pen markings. I had no idea what was on that test beforehand. And the more I think about it after having some time to stuff dark chocolate down my throat (I don't day-drink anymore like someone said they would but I did LOL at that because that's how I was feeling) and get my thoughts together, the more I realize how messed up the whole thing was. One of the things I caught when she was showing me the (massive, seemingly 1,000 page test) was a page with poorly illustrated coins like dimes with plus signs in between and the child is supposed to add them. *I* couldn't even tell what coin it was. My 7 yo actually got a couple right which I am impressed with. She also gave me a dirty look when she said they can't even write lowercase letters and paused for effect as if it were some disturbing thing. That and the fact that they wisked each child off to a strange room with adults they've never met and withheld help and guidance on purpose to see what the child could do... my kids can't read instructions on a dang test by themselves, that's insane. Under normal circumstances I would have said no, we're not doing this right now (or possibly ever), I have my 2 yo with me, the kids are not prepared etc. and I don't think this is reasonable. But I tried to be compliant, knowing this school is not easy to get into, and not yet knowing how I feel about the whole thing. My gut kept telling me to grab my kids and leave. If anything, it was an eye opening experience, for what that's worth. I think "dodged bullet" is right.

I think the impression I leave here probably does not show the whole picture. I tend to express my struggles a lot. I am like that in real life too but there's much more to it than just that in real life. I think I probably need to be less "expressive" about my troubles. I don't know. Anyway, we have what I would consider to be adequate resources to homeschool and I don't think letting them watch Magic Schoolbus episodes is homeschool. I think I have depression colored glasses on right now. I am going to make dealing with that a priority. I also need to figure out why I care so much what other people (this lady today) think about me, deal with that, and work on being confident and okay with what I'm doing and why. I think homeschool is looking better by the minute after today. I just need to fortify myself to handle it. When we were talking to 7 yo DS yesterday about the possibility of school one of the first things he asked is "Will I be able to play?" The kid may be "severely behind" according to this lady, but he makes custom Lego creations that I, as a grown adult, would not even know where to start in how to build. Not saying playing Legos is curriculum or whatever, it just fits with what others have said and what I personally happen to believe too. Play is of the utmost importance in learning, and that's part of what we've done a good job cultivating here at home. It's something of value no matter what these contrived, stressful 2 hour tests show about my small children.

Sometimes I kinda wish my kids were the stereotypical homeschoolers that are impressing everyone with their reading fluently at age 2 and applying to medical school at age 7. Maybe then I could be impressed with what homeschooling is doing for them and fend off the haters who want to prove that what I'm doing at home isn't working and isn't real education. They are just your average neurotypical kids who would rather play dinosaurs and watch silly videos than read and write.

Thanks so much everyone. Like I said before, I really do want to homeschool. Stuff like this is a good argument for homeschooling even. I don't even like the idea of every kid needing top know exactly xy and z by exactly a certain age. I just fear I'm doing a poor job of it and of course today's incident doesn't do anything for my confidence. Maybe I'll just try getting medicated again for the depression for the time being and do my best to homeschool.

And am I really going to start my kids in their very first school setting already "behind" and being labeled as "not where they should be"? Older than their classmates etc and being reminded of their inadequacy?

Yeah my 2 year old was running around yelling. I was definitely not ready for this. I thought it was odd that they had my kids in a different room from me in a high pressure setting but I have no clue what's normal as I've never had my kids in non-homeschool school before and tried to be open minded. Especially since there seems to be a long line of kids trying to get into this school. I figured we would do what they tell us within reason. I definitely don't like what I've experienced of this school so far in this short time but I question what I even know because my kids are so "far behind".

An example is that my almost 6 yo was told to write as many numbers as she could in a row up to 100 and only wrote the number 1. She 100 percent knows how to count. This test was completely unexpected. They were hungry and taken off guard. We thought we were dropping papers an leaving. I don't know what to think. I just feel like a big fat, no options failure right now. I am basically ruining my kids lives.

She'll be 6 in a week and 1/2. She should be ready for 1st. Her in particular the woman said she's not even kindergarten ready.

Thank you for bearing with me and offering any support. I went to turn in the applications to the charter school this morning and get on the waiting list. I did not expect them to be given placement tests right then but they were. I was wondering why it was taking so long. The lady sat me down in her office and explained that they are so far behind where they need to be that they are both barely kindergarten level. Maybe it was just me but I sensed her looking at me like I was scum too. Worst fears confirmed? Yep. Right now the sense of failure I have is more of a fact than a feeling to me. Plus we're running out of options. I know a bunch of people will say the local terrible public school should be a fine and dandy option. I know I am poor and depressed so I'm not allowed to have standards but I'm not sending my kids there. I also checked a nearby much better school district and they told me no way do they accept kids from a different school district so scratch that too. Thanks for reading. I could not be feeling much more low right now. Just needed someones to talk to.

No we don't. Nearest relative is several states away. Dad's wife is dealing with cancer, my mom lives in low-income senior housing apartment. There are no good options with that. I really wish there was.

Thanks for the virtual hugs. I really really wish we could move. We are stuck here for the time being because the rent is so low, and this general area has been an extremely "hot" market where rents are basically doubling everywhere... except for the ghetto areas, like our area, where no one wants to live, for good reason. We can't afford even a one bedroom apartment in a questionable area (couldn't do that legally with our family size anyway). The reason our rent hasn't gone up is because the place is in a bad area and in poor condition. I wish there was something to "downgrade".

N/M responding out of frustration.

I don't know. Honestly these local public schools are not an option to me. The district website said 64% of the students are considered "at risk" which is a general term to describe, among other things, kids who don't even learn to read and who drop out, get pregnant, get incarcerated etc. I see the way the kids act when I go to the playground. It is disturbing.

Thanks, everyone. About the depression. I know it is a major issue. I have to admit though it seems only expected to be depressed given the circumstances. But I also know being depressed can lead to inability to thrive in or improve one's circumstances. I also have to admit that the idea of medication right now doesn't leave me very hopeful. Is my thinking distorted though? I don't know. Depression is nothing new for me. I have not had an easy life. I have spent several years as an adult on different antidepressants. Different SSRIs as well as Wellbutrin. My experience is that they take away some problems (depression) and trade them for a load of other problems (side effects). Side effects are no small thing, in my experience. Should I put up with the siude effects? I don't know. I guess I have to consider that. Anyhow, the idea of doing unschool or minimal school for a while until things improve does encourage me. But I also happen to be paranoid about CPS or other entities that may crack down on me for educational neglect. What Jodiesue said is a big concern too in terms of Lord of the Flies (or Lord of the Couch Potatoes) happening with kids who are just plain here all day and need to be occupied in a way that I am not able to be in charge of. Going to a public school in a different district is something I will look into.

So if you've been following what I've posted about, here is an update. I spoke to someone at the office of the charter school when I inquired about the enrollment process. I was told we will get put on a waiting list and that there are already a lot of kids on the waiting list. I was hoping for something more concerete than that. So now we are going to be in suspense. Our other options are trying to get a scholarship for private schooling, and it looks like they cover half of tuition at most (which is still too much for us to pay), plus the deadline to apply has passed. Someone is going to suggest the regular local public school, but if you knew how bad it was, you wouldn't. The local elementary school we are assigned to has informational statements on the school district website about trying to improve their obvious issues with student emotional and behavioral problems, poverty, home instability and extremely low acedeminc interest and preformance. So my options are the absolute bottom of the barrel public school, private schools that we can in no way even begin to afford even with financial aid, or get in a long line of kids trying to get into the free local charter school. All the while I believe homeschooling to be best, but struggling with both a level of depression and an urgent need to improve our financial situation that makes our ability to homeschool pretty disgraceful right now. Christian content now... when God allows you to be in a situation that you would not choose and feel you have no ability to handle, will he somehow give you what it takes? Because I do not have what it takes to do this.

This is actually something that has been put on the table as of yesterday. DH brought it up. I've mentioned here before that we live in a very concerning school district, so that has always sort of made up my mind for me, but there's a new public charter school that looks like it's a huge step up from the regular local public schools. Both DH and I have always felt and still feel that homeschool is best. At the same time, we're both seeing that my mental health and our circumstances are kind of urgently in need of priority right now. I am scared and I know having them (the older 2) in school might bring it's own set of difficulties. Plus I will still have my toddler with me all day. But it's a big chucnk of time and space each day that we desperately need at the moment. I will post more when I know more.

It's ok. I appreciate the realistic perspective. I don't want to waste what little time we have. DH's age is definitely a concern as well. Today I happen to be having one of my not-better days. I am just depressed. This whole thing is a big part of it. If anything, I at least hope I can help my children not to end up like their dad and I. I go through periods of being hopeful and periods like this of survival mode and wanting to accept that things will never get easier this side of heaven and trying to let go of goals and dreams because all they do is lead to bitter disappointment. I don't want to respond to everyone's ideas because it's going to look like I am very negative, and that's just how I feel right now. Right now it just feels like some people are able to succeed for whatever reason, and some people it doesn't really matter what they do, they will always struggle hard. Some days I don't want to try. I am tired in my bones. I guess after having been neglected and abused as a kid, after being a drug addict, after an assortment of horrible life choices, after trying to do the right thing and seeing that it only leads to pain, with a toddler hanging on me, with no extended family support whatsoever, living in a neighborhood I never would have wanted to in my worse neightmares, surviving is the best I can do.

Ok thank you! I didn't see the $25 option but now I see it. I plan to talk to DH about that.

I'm looking at this https://teamtreehouse.com/techdegree/pricing Did I just not have enough coffee yet? I see $199 for every option.

AM, I'm looking at this site and it shows that every option is $199/ month. Is there a $25 that I'm not seeing? It does seem like a good program.