Thank you, ladies. Good points. We're not a large family but in this day and age of small families being the norm, and I guess compared to our means, we have way more kids than is "acceptable" considering what we're able to provide for them. It's good to know I'm not alone in this experience. It does feel humiliating. I know there are some families out there who are privileged to be a one income family and yet still have what is considered an appropriate standard of living but it's also good to know we're not the only ones for whom that's not the case. I never knew this was the life I was going to be living, and DH and I both came into this totally unprepared, but what do you do when God changes your heart even though you don't have the right means and preparation to do it? That's where we're at. It's a sacrifice. I always hope it's for the best.

We didn't get the house. :sad: The landlady says she chose another applicant because the house is too small for our family. Obviously it is small but we were willing to make it work and I was even getting excited about moving into a place that's appearance doesn't depress me, not to mention a carpet free environment for the affected in our home. This kind of thing makes it hard for me to resist anger. Our family can't afford to live somewhere that is supposedly big and/ or nice enough according to property managers. It's like, yeah you can afford this and your family is willing and eager to do it but we've decided your standard of living isn't high enough so you get to stay in your current dumpy place. It's like you're not allowed to be poor.

I am irrationally happy about going to get my hair done at a beauty school Saturday. I go maybe once a year. It's one of the very few pampering things I can do and afford.The place is quite nice and smells like fragrant herbal hair potions. I'm getting my massive, thick, straight hair thinned out and trimmed. My hair is going to be "light and happy" for the summer.

I so agree with those of you who say a visually pleasing home makes a big difference. I guess it affects some people more than others and it affects me a lot. Especially with a rental you're held back from making changes if the landlord isn't into it, and our current landlord isn't into any changes, even ones that are a huge improvement IMO. It's like he wants this place to be cheap and ugly (and dirty/gross/unhealthy). I guess he has his reasons. I hope that we are approved for the new place. I will update when we find out. She said we'll know by the end of the week.

The house actually has 3 bedrooms within that 750 sq ft. They are tiny but there's 3 of them. We would have to be ruthless about clutter. I just meant the landlady seems very detailed and asks a million questions, which maybe it's true that she's just conscientious and that could be good. The unknown is always nerve wracking. I feel like we should do it but thinking about it I feel torn. There's basically nothing out there in our price range that isn't either 3 hours from dh work or in Murderville. So this seems like a rare opportunity for us in that its a decent area and actually cuts a few minutes off dh commute.

Yes we definitely talked about a baby monitor for the converted garage. That would be a must.

I was kinda thinking this too. It's not going to be fun but neither is having a toddler staying in the hospital with severe asthma episodes. I don't know for a fact the carpet is a trigger but it probably isn't good. I'm leaning towards moving to the other place. I feel like we don't have much choice. With our budget there's basically no reasonable choices. It's either this or live in a decent sized house in a very high crime area. Being poor is fun.

We did ask him. He said no. Even though our friend from church is a licensed contractor and we have another friend who is the VP of a flooring company. So that's part of why we want to find somewhere else.

Edit: *Poll removed* It's over now Because of our budget/ income, no housing option is going to be ideal. That's a given, so it is what it is. That said, we applied for a house for rent last weekend and are waiting to hear if we were chosen among the other applicants. We're trying to decide if we should move forward with it if we are chosen. Here are the 2 choices: Option 1: Stay at our current rental house. Pros -- It is about 1000 square feet which is small by most Americans' standards but large for our budget. It has a small attached garage where we can store items we're not using. It has a small backyard with a high wooden fence that provides some privacy. The rent is very low. The landlord keeps his distance and doesn't come poking around, but does get serious problems fixed when requested. Cons -- It was built in the early 1980's and is old in a not-cute way (cheap, decaying fixtures and finishes/ diarrhea inspired color pallet) . It has wall to wall cheap, ugly, dirty carpet that is a possible trigger for the 3/5 of our household that suffer significant allergy and asthma issues. The neighborhood is on the decline but we've never personally had problems. That said, there is a stray dog issue, people smoking weed and drinking brown bagged beverages outside as well as a lack of pride in the appearance of things (trash etc). Option 2: Move into this other place Pros -- Old in a cute way. Built in the 1950's with a vintage feel and a nice bright color pallet. It has wall to wall wood flooring which would be possibly better for our health and easier to deal with all the things my kids spill. It has a small converted/ finished garage that could possibly be used for a playroom/ homeschool room. The yard is significantly bigger. It has covered parking (TX is hot). Neighborhood seems better and more family friendly but still lower income. Cons -- The house itself is about 750 square feet. Yes, that's right. For 5 people. The converted garage/ possible playroom is separate from the house and I don't know how I feel about going back and forth all the time/ kids being in there without me etc. The backyard has a low chainlink fence with basically zero privacy and low enough for a dog to jump over if it wanted to. The rent is a little more. The landlord seems a little high-strung (we met her) and I'm concerned she'll be poking around all the time.

I try to remind/ convince myself that they won't be little forever. And I think it's good advice to savor these little kid days and have a sense of humor. The savoring/ enjoying it while it lasts part... it can be both good and hard to hear someone say how much they miss those days and how sad it is they're over. I mean would you really like to have a small child smearing food all over your house and wailing outside the bathroom door for the rest of your life? LOL. I understand about savoring and appreciating it and knowing how precious it is to parent small wide-eyed children in the brief (even though it sometimes doesn't seem brief) period of impressionable youthful wonder, which is a huge reason I forgo an arguably desperately-needed second income and stay at home with them when the vast majority of people wouldn't even consider it on our current household income. As for the sense of humor, maybe I need to regain some of that. I used to be funny. But depression and anxiety seems to make me too serious at times. Kids are truly delightfully ridiculous at times. Maybe I feel too serious too because I want to do a good job and I often feel like I'm not and it doesn't feel funny. It's also hard to laugh when some aspects of life are hard, heavy and feel hopeless.

Since starting this thread I actually did go rest while letting them watch a show. I came out to wailing, screaming, whining etc. Also the 5 year old let the 2 year old have some chocolate almonds that he sucked the chocolate off of and then spit out the almonds/chocolate slobber on the light-colored couch. I feel like my life is out of control in moments like this. Like I would do anything for them to be someone else's problem for a while. For them to be able to destroy someone else's stuff all day and grind goldfish crackers into someone else's ugly carpet. Is this normal?

I had a good LOL all the way through this. Now this advice is real life applicable!... Especially the part about eating cheetos and crying in the car.

Part of the problem is that my 2 year old can't stay awake until lunch time. Then by the time he wakes up from his nap I'm just starting to feel really burned out and desperate for a break. Making the older 2 do a quiet time with an awake 2 year old boy is pointless (not restful at all). I don't know what to do. I wish I was strong or smart enough to enforce quiet time better. I often feel overpowered by the kids and all it takes to manage them especially in the early afternoon when my sanity is at a weak point.

I do enjoy being with my kids and I agree, this way of life is very much not the norm and seems to come with the assumption that it's a problem that needs to be solved. But I've signed up for it and I think it's right for us. Maybe it's my mindset and maybe I would feel crazy regardless of the kids presence. I'm pretty spacey and introverted though. I feel like I don't get enough mental down time. It feels like they need a mom who directs their time better and it stresses me out that I always live with the feeling they're not getting what they need and yet I have nothing left to give. If any of that makes sense.

Because of circumstances and choices, my kids do not go to a brick and mortar school, are almost never babysat and are pretty much never in a childcare setting. On top of that we do not have extended family that can be relied on to lighten the load in any way. So if you now or in the past (with all young children) choose to homeschool and on top of that rarely or never use childcare, and find that you are only ever actually away from them for brief periods like errands while DH watches them or being in a different room from them... basically how do you/ did you keep yourself not crazy with the fact that your kids are in your presence almost always?

I don't think it's racist. DH and I and our kids are white. Our neighborhood is about 75 % black, 20 % Mexican and 5 % white. I know some people think it's racist to notice that different races have different ways about them or to even notice someone's race but its true. Black and white people do not have the same culture. People don't treat us poorly here but it will never not be an uphill battle to fit in. It's worth considering. Different people are better at handling being the odd one.

I might just go ahead and try the beans and see how it goes. I'm popping psyllium fiber pills, magnesium, probiotic and green veg and its still so difficult. My weight has started to go the wrong direction too and I wonder if it's the lack of regularity. I do like beans. I'll see if I can eat them without gaining weight.

I like being low carb. It has helped me lose weight and improve health but I dont like almost never having that "cleaned out" bathroom experience. Every bowel movement it seems like my body is letting go of the bare minimum. Anyone else dealt with this and how do you remedy it? I eat as many vegetables as I can and probably too many berries but I'm still really struggling.

She's had a couple ear infections in her life, her eyelid was swollen and painful recently (solved by antibiotics) and things like stomach bug to make sure it's not something worse etc.

Would there be symptoms? She's no stranger to the doctor's office. She gets all her checkups and goes as needed for assorted minor issues. Would they not have seen anything? She was born full term, normal birth weight, spontaneous vaginal birth, breastfed, no apparent issues. She's just been consistently on the bottom of the weight chart since about age 3. It's ok. I'm used to going to the doctor a lot and it makes me glad my kids are homeschooled. My toddler has been hospitalized for really severe asthma episodes and my 7 yo has severe environmental allergies. They referred me to an ear nose throat specialist for him and when we went she said "I don't know why they referred you". I will go to the nutritionist with her. Better safe than sorry.

Thanks, everyone. The pickins are slim as far as doctors with dd's medicaid. I probably take her to the best option anywhere near us. In fact her doctor's picture was on a poster about being chosen for some recognition. I don't know what the deal is with doctors though. Do they have to cover their own butts? If another care provider in the system saw that dd was "underweight" and hadn't been referred to someone because of it, would he be in trouble? Is he really truly just trying to be caring and what he perceives as helpful? Her doctor is young. Probably early to mid 30's and he doesn't have kids that I know of. So maybe that's part of it. And Foxbridge... yes, thank you. I bring in my thin, pale dd with an ear infection or whatever and pull out my medicaid card and just feel all kinds of shame and self consciousness rising up in me. Like I don't have any rights or credibility as a parent, when reality is that I make huge decisions based on how important they are to me.

DD is already happy about the Pediasure chocolate flavor. So now she can drink sugar and processed oils beverage and fill her stomach with that and continue to refuse things like delicious skin on chicken and buttered veg? It doesn't really make sense. But yeah this is the world we live in. I don't know if her peds office really cares if I go to the nutritionist or not. But I err on the side of being paranoid. Best case scenario the nutritionist would back me up and help dd realize she should eat real food. DD would eat goldfish crackers and m&ms only if it were up to her.

She's 22 percent for height. So kinda short but closer to average than her weight.

She does like carbs and I don't hold them back from her. I do try to get some fats and protein in her though which is harder. Should I let her eat all carbs? I don't know.

And for the record we are well stocked in food. It's a big priority for me. Growing up with an irresponsible caregiver who didn't bother buying groceries is part of that but also I never want my kids to feel that they can't eat as much as they need to because we don't have a lot of money. DDs biggest struggle seems to be trying to get out of eating the chicken and broccoli dinners we offer her.