Monica that is reasonable advice. The relationship has never been good. Probably not a big mystery to see why. I'm willing to be hopeful about things getting better but sometimes I think God is protecting my little family here from certain people, and she's one of them. I guess I'll learn how to respond to her complaining without trying to fix things.

That's probably part of it. And we're willing to spend time with her. But... besides the fact that I live in a different state and don't have the means to visit, and my sister (who does live local to her) is a single mom working full time and enrolled in online school, she doesn't want to part with her pets that the majority of her children and grandchildren are seriously allergic to.

I will probably use that phrasing/ question with her. It's just hard when she talks like she is desperate and accuses everyone of not caring about her. Also she had a home health aid briefly and said she got rid of her because she didn't like her.

I will look into that, Amanda. Another thing is that she doesn't want to be an "old fart" so I think assisted living is not appealing to her for that reason. But I'll still look into it.

*poof*

Oh man. "Last Christmas" indeed. :(

Didn't know this TV program existed till this thread, but it sounds like Remini is exposing Scientology and that's good news. I don't know about other places in the US, but Scientology is big in southern California where I grew up. I stopped into a recruiting center as a young teen to take the "personality test" out of curiosity. Thankfully I didn't get sucked in but looks like many people do.

Praying that it is not in fact ALS and for peace of heart and mind. (((hugs)))

Tongs. Use them constantly for pretty much everything in the kitchenhttps://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B000H0RAGU/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1481825949&sr=8-2&pi=SL75_QL70&keywords=oxo+tongs

I've been thinking more about this and just wanted to add a thought with regard to minimalism being for rich people. It's kind of the same thing with being "frugal". Most frugal enthusiasts that you see out there are penny pinching by choice. They can afford things that they choose not to partake in, but if something breaks or if they just prefer to spend $300 at the hair salon once a month instead of a DIY haircut and foregoing coloring their hair, no problem, they can do that. Low income folks do it too, but it's usually not thought of as being "frugal" because we don't really have a choice. Well we do sort of have a choice but our bad decisions with money have more grievous consequences. A low income person can buy a designer handbag all the while running out of grocery money. It happens. But being "frugal" is the norm for poor people, even though it's still not easy in this culture. Accumulating a bunch of stuff affects low income people more than normal/ high income people. I don't think of myself as a minimalist. I haven't read "The life changing blah blah blah of tidying up" or whatever, but I have to stay sane somehow living in a home that is less than half the size of everyone I know, including people with smaller families. Is having clothes and shoes and toys important? Of course. So "minimalism" may be for rich people but "keeping the crap accumulation under control so you don't lose your mind" is a poor person thing. LOL. I think it's up to everyone to decide where they want to be on the spectrum between hoarder and cumpulsive declutterer, both of which are probably not good.

I can see what you're saying. On the other hand, having lots of square footage and storage spaces to tuck things away is also a rich people thing. We are 5 people in less than 1,000 sq ft. I don't have places to put things, plain and simple. I do recognize the value of keeping some things for potential resusing, but when you don't have the space you just don't.

I can see 70's houses being cheaper. Shag carpet would defeat one of the purposes of us trying to own a home though. Being able to finally get away from carpet. (We have major allergy issues with kids and current landlord won't allow us to replace crusty old carpet even though we offered to pay for laminate etc). Renting is not as fun as it sounds either. Especially around here where you are paying way more to rent something than to own it.

Tibbie, I appreciate that input, really. That's the kind of stuff I need to think about. Especially helpful from someone who knows what it's like to sweat grocery money first hand. DH and I are not Chip and Joanna. As for Habitat, the qualifications on our local one say it's for people with not great credit scores and who don't qualify for traditional home loans. DH credit score is over 800 and we do qualify for FHA loan. We're just low income/ no assets.

I will look more thoroughly into Habitat. (update: from the local HFH website it looks like they're pushing hard to build houses in the worst neighborhoods. Maybe it's different in other areas. I will still research.) As far as Grandma Houses, depending on the era, I would probably love that. It if was all 1950's sign me up. 1970's diarrhea color palette, not so much.

For one thing because our rental price range doesn't allow us to live somewhere anyone would call nice. I've heard people say renting is so great but given the choice why do almost 100 percent of people buy? Believe me, I'm cautious and scared considering our situation. But it doesn't hurt to talk about it to see how bad or good of an idea it could be.

I have briefly looked into Habitat for Humanity. It's confusing to me. But my belief is that they build in areas that are higher crime/ poverty/ drug areas.

... or share any experience/ knowledge you may have about buying a "below market" price house, or house buying options for low income folks. Long story short, the good news is that we found out we qualify for a state program for first-time home owners to get a small grant towards the down payment. Not so good news is that on one end, the only house we could afford to make mortgage payments on is going to need to be as below 100K as possible, all the while needing to qualify for an FHA type loan which means it has to be approved by an inspection as safely livable (so we won't be allowed to buy a fire damaged shack for $15k etc, and I've seen those types of listings). We are also hoping to not have to live in a high crime/ poverty area, and living rural is not really an option since DH work is so close to the city center and surrounded by suburbs, so basically a needle in a haystack is what we need to find. Cosmetic issues I fully expect. I don't have any illusions that we will be able to find a place that's not all kinds of ugly, but we are willing and happy to do work. We live in one of the strongest "seller's markets" in the country so that makes it hard too. Plus, from what I've read, this being 2016, the deals on those kinds of houses aren't as good as they used to be anyway. I mean, we're open to the possibility we may never be home owners but I'm trying to work with this little sliver of hope to the fullest.

Agreed, Sparkly. And maybe my perspective doesn't matter much because after reading what a couple posters here said, I'd probably be on their educational neglect watch list but... For what it's worth I think the original story here is much more an issue of abuse by some disturbed individuals who don't deserve to be called parents. Not so much about homeschool but I see what the conversation is. Some people make it seem like educational neglect is basically the norm in homeschool though. Or that unless you have a PhD and are rigorously cracking the advanced learning whip all day that you shouldn't be attempting to homeschool. I too wonder how people happen to know the inner workings of so many family's home lives that they are confident to claim educational neglect is basically rampant in their homeschool community.

I'm not sure how a lady saying she doesn't get around to doing a lot of school with her "very young" children is in the same category as parents who locked and starved a child in the basement. By the way I can assure you a child can be abused while in public school daily. I was forced to perform sex acts at home and went to elementary school not saying anything because the person has threatened me not to.

I do want to say we are not suffering. I don't wish to come across that way. Things are very good and though we may not have all our wants, or even what many consider needs we have the important things in life. Including friends, and that means you reading this! I just wanted to connect with others who may not be in step with what is 'normal' this time of year.

Pinkmint, is your siggy up to date? Are your kids 7, 3, and 2? Kids are currently 8, 6 and 2.

(((Techwife))) So sorry for your losses.

Thank you, all. This is one of my hopes. That instead of bitterness, resentment and comparison, my kids will learn to delight in the little joys of life. That a cup of hot cocoa (etc) will be a special thing. I know my attitude makes a difference.

This is a time of year for us when DH's overtime has completely dried up. We are only in the store for basics like groceries, and even then I have to be careful. I notice the black Friday and other 'amazing' deals knowing I can't partake in any of it. My growing kids do need things, and want things of course. This is just not a time when we can do anything about it. In some ways I'm sure it's good for me to not get swept up in the consumerist frenzy. It's just hard sometimes sitting on the sidelines. I sometimes feel like it's almost immoral to not be out buying stuff. Not Christmas related but still the same sort of thing... my nephew's birthday is this week (he's a teen), and I sent him a postcard from our state with some hopefully heartwarming words, and signatures by my kids. I found out he is getting a trip to NYC for his birthday from someone else he's related to. It's hard not to compare and feel lousy like my gestures are relatively meaningless. Not saying it's right, just saying. Anyone else sitting on the sidelines?

Clicking this link almost gave me nightmares before bed. Lol.