He did pursue me. But lots of tentative plans, broken plans, then the breakup so I shouldn’t have been surprised the dynamic changed. The second time we hung out my landlords were out of town. We talked from like 10 pm (after his kids were in bed) til breakfast! I’m gonna work on myself and try to stop scaring guys away 🤦🏻‍♀️

We spoke on the phone a couple days ago. I’m not actively reaching out to him. He ended the call with talk to you soon. I probably pushed him away with my anxiety and insecurities. I was just sad he didn’t make it happen to see me before I left town. My brain flopped between you’re not entitled to his time, he’s busy, back off” and “if he wanted to, he would.” When we broke up I was flexible about going cold turkey but he insisted he still wanted to spend time together before I moved. And those plans typically weren’t in stone/got canceled.

Kitty was secured very well.

The cat is at the new house. I’m at the laundromat. Had a very scary incident today. Hydroplaned off the interstate on the way to LA. Car swung in a circle. I almost got stuck in the mud. My brain thought great, you’re gonna miss your first day of work, total your car and end up in a hospital ($$$). Like I was more worried about the money than my life. That’s how depressed I’ve been.

That would bother me, too lol I would sorta take the nailing biting habit as unnecessary to point out but I’d also think I was probably overreacting. I’ve never had my nails done professionally. The thought of them shoving my cuticles back sorta deters me

I’m a way nothing in this thread makes me feel better 🤣 You ask if we’re ok and they might lie you notice a pattern change and address it. Now you feel Iike you’ve made a mountain out of a molehill but… maybe you were right. Even if they dismiss it. I had a guy ghost once and stop reading the Facebook messenger messages. I mentioned this via cell phone number and he said it was nothing, we had just swapped platforms. That was BS lol. He either stopped clicking on the Facebook messages (you can sorta read them as pop ups if you have notifications on) or read them and marked them unread. Within about 48 hrs I never heard from him again. He was just warming up to ghosting. I have trust issues partly because people are friggin liars. Now some may tell the truth but I think it’s often a half truth. Other times it may be full truth. I repeatedly hear that a man will chase if he wants you. When I start seeing a decline in communication I think oh he’s done… doesn’t want to court me or doesn’t want to put real effort into it. That could be wrong! It’s just feel I feel.

“Otherins” was what was printed but I think it referred to the default plan which was employees pay nothing and get the state employee ins through BCBS. It showed a couple dollars taken out. Anytime I went to the dr outside of a wellness visit, I had to pay full price. So it really didn’t do much. On Reddit I saw people saying 40%+ was taken out of their checks. So it might not be all that uncommon.

My shifts are 9-5, 10-6, and 11-7. I think that would be too much. But I might do online tutoring in some free hours.

The author makes it sound so easy to find a therapist that deals with attachment (she doesn’t like the word styles). My most recent therapist recommended the Attached book but I don’t know if they really delve into helping patients on that matter.

I’m just scared because when I had that ins plan it was free and this one will be at least $130/mo.

@Kanin I downloaded the book from cloudLibrary. So far it’s just a giant workbook. How much of the book is that way? I really don’t know how to answer a lot of questions about my childhood etc. I don’t remember.

Came across an old library paystub. 41% was taken out from gross to net. That included: fed income, ss, Medicare, state, retirement, and other ins. That was a monthly check. If that is anywhere close to my new checks my budget is even tighter than I anticipated.

I don’t know when to get the cat. I’m driving to my friend’s tomorrow and dropping off a few things at my home. It seems like it would be hard to drive back & forth mid week but maybe I’ll drive to the cat Thursday night after work and bring her over Friday (I’m off Friday). Mid week that furniture and litter will arrive so I can assemble that before she arrives, hopefully lol. I definitely don’t want to leave her at my friend’s long. In the course of about 2 days without me, her litter box was full, I found cat vomit and spit up all over the room/bed and the feeder needed to be jiggled to get the kibble down. I cleaned up and added more food to the feeder. My back has healed a great bit so today I tried the rowing machine at the gym and I was ok. Watched a video with a new exercise for me to do to combat PF. My dad isn’t coming with the trailer tomorrow. Forecast had rain so I’m just gonna take whatever fits in my car. I’ll likely be stuck with Dec storage fees but it’s too rushed to get everything out.

Ok

I don’t even know if trust is the word I’d choose for my hang ups though it probably applies. I know I used the word trust upthread. I need more reassurance in the beginning and need actions to match words better. It’s like cognitive dissonance which is hard to ignore.

Thanks. I have heard that you can do all the reading/research but you have to be able to practice it so staying single isn’t the answer. I’ll have to be able to work on my attachment style in a relationship. Not that I am trying to dive into one now.

I ordered a piece of furniture for the cat’s litter box. I remembered to cancel my Hulu & Peacock services that will end soon from last year’s Black Friday deal. I received my ss card. I’ll need it at the water dept & for work health ins.

He made tentative plans to see me Friday night. But he delivers mail and you never know when the route will end. As it was nearing dinner time I called to touch base and he was still working. It wasn’t gonna be a good night to see me. I told him I know he’s swamped and I guess I won’t see him before I move. With the holidays I’m sure his job will become even more busy. When we were dating he’d said he would invite me into his home but it was bad timing because his mom is temp living there in the living room. She was gonna move out at the end of Nov but now it’s looking like end of Dec. (for financial reasons). Our timing and circumstances are messy. If we ever hang out again I will just assume it wouldn’t be practical til Jan. And maybe not even then.

I posted it on my personal FB tonight with “or make me an offer”

That tiny table is my kitchen table 🤣🤣 I don’t have all the chairs in there. I got used to small furniture. It folds up.

Please let me know if you have a link. I’m gonna see what they offer on Amazon.

Well I can get most out but I don’t know what to do with the W/D. I listed it for sale days ago but no bites. And they thought they fixed the leak in my storage unit but there were puddles of water on the plastic I threw over the bad area when I went today. So I reported it again and emailed a pic.

Funny — the neighbor works at the gym I plan to join 😆 She said it’s crowded but they are opening another location in Dec. Hopefully some switch to that location. The current location is closer to me. There’s a playground in walking distance to my home. I’ll see if dd wants to go there.

More. I’ll get them late afternoon/evening of the 19th instead of 22. But I don’t know how much of that time I’ll be working.

I gotta figure out where to put the litter box etc. I might see if I can section off an area in the living room. 🤷🏻‍♀️ maybe camouflage it.