violamama
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Posts posted by violamama
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Abandoning school for the swimming pool at my parents' health club. Yay! The boys are excited to show off their new strokes.
Probably still do a little school
90 minutes of work looming
concert impending- need to go over the bowings in the berlioz one. more. time.
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But that is such a small sect of homeschoolers, I don't even know why it would bother us at all? Surely we shouldn't have to try to "hide" because of abusive parents who also homeschool?
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It bothers me that we are so bothered by associating with homeschooling because of a few whackjobs who abuse their kids and homeschool just to hide it.
I did talk about it. It's not damaging. Doing nothing for countries in turmoil and poverty is damaging. Look at the statistics- there are kids being left to age out of orphanages. Get outraged about THAT.
ETA: I could replace every spot you said "homeschoolers" with "adoptive parents" or "abusive adoptive parents".
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I've had something like this happen, but my boys will often run over and say, "Boy A is not playing nicely with everybody/me".
Is it wrong that I might loudly say, "That's okay. Kids who are only 6 are still learning how to be kind. I'm sure some of the other kids are probably better at playing. Look! There's Kid B! She really knows how to play. Why not find something awesome to do with her?"
I keep my tone light and try to point out when I see Boy A do something at all kind or cool or whatever later on. It's not exactly shaming him, but I suppose it might be close...
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We're at Gramma's house!
To do:
School- break out the styrofoam molecule kit
90 minutes of work emails/calls
concert tonight
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"if spanking hasn't worked, you aren't doing it enough." And also, "if you really loved your child, you'd spank him." Spoken by people who don't even know my child. In the general community, people aren't really pro- or anti- spanking, but it isn't a topic of casual discussion.
See, I don't seem to get all the super-invasive asinine advice I hear about other people dealing with all the time. Maybe I look too grumpy to safely approach. I cannot imagine walking up to somebody and telling them how to parent, and for the most part I really try not to assume I know what's going on when I see somebody out and about with their kids. Even in a community situation, I generally would expect support... I'm not quite sure how I would react if somebody decided to start telling me what to do "about" my kid.
The vetting process for adoption (and we've done the whole shebang from foster to domestic to international) is extensive. But clearly, crazies do get through. That some happen to use the Bible to justify abuse is horrible.
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Wow, where I live spanking is the thing you would be more reluctant to share. I've never been in a church where I felt that- that must be really uncomfortable as a parent.
Is it really related to faith, or is that a general consensus in the community at large? (Obviously, sad crazies who beat and enslave their adopted kids notwithstanding.)
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I'm an evangelical. We're adopting. The title of the article ticks me off, frankly, though maybe not for the reasons you might think.
The idea that this "obsession" is childish, naive or ill-informed angers me. I wish the entire world were obsessed with the plight of orphans and underserved or at risk children in general. They do actually, right now, exist. There are many more orphans (and I mean true orphans, in orphanages or foster care) in the world right this second who will age out than will be adopted. This author (and the book The Child Catchers) seem to believe that the children who live in misery because their community cannot care for them are a mirage. It's bull.
As an evangelical obsessed with adopting, I am definitely well-meaning. I am not naive. It would be best if countries could care for their children and meet the needs of at-risk families without ever needing international adoption. And people should work for that. But that does not have to be the opposite of adoption. International adoptive families (and now I guess I'll trot out my own anecdotal personal experience, as these articles and books seem to rely heavily on them) in my experience are VERY concerned with the health of the countries from which they adopt. Many become activists.
The press generating concern is great, oversight is clearly a good thing (except when it becomes a quagmire of red tape that turns into a hindrance to its own goals), and I try to assume the intentions of the current anti-adoption trend are ultimately good. But the idea that we should stand back and chat about what to do for the next five years, or ratify conventions that further muddy the waters (I'm looking at you, Hague) is just wrong. I wanted to say "evil" but then you might think I'm on the nut-job end of things, and I'd like to be extended some consideration there.
ETA: For further food for thought, watch "Somewhere Inbetween" and "Stuck".
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We blew off school but did go to a park. It was a perfectly beautiful day.
The social worker gave us moooooore paperwork. I did some of it this afternoon.
Did phone calls.
Heading to rehearsal in t-30.
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Big day for us!
Meet Social worker for adoption (1 of 2 required meetings)
Do school (at a park? At starbucks? We need a break from routine.)
Call new violin teachers
Catch up on work stuff: put in one solid uninterrupted 90 minute session (movie day for boys?)
Rehearsal
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Done so far:
Get to bed at 5am thanks to that late coffee at rehearsal break last night. Get stuck reading this blog in the wee hours:http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/
Answer the door at 7:45am because husband left his keys at the jeep dealer
Sleep until 10
Make breakfast with lots of protein & fresh fruit
School the boys without yelling (go go tired mama! usually I have to apologize for yelling at least once when I'm tired)
Read to the older boy on the couch in my comfy clothes- he brought book after book
TO DO:
Swim class- restrain my desire to chat with other moms in order to make phone calls
Clean bathrooms
Teach 4-9pm at home
Finish website updates
... can I add watch Dexter while googling appropriate consequences for being rambunctious at bedtime? And with that, I'm done.
My feet are killing me and my patience is gone.
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Done so far:
Get to bed at 5am thanks to that late coffee at rehearsal break last night. Get stuck reading this blog in the wee hours: http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/
Answer the door at 7:45am because husband left his keys at the jeep dealer
Sleep until 10
Make breakfast with lots of protein & fresh fruit
School the boys without yelling (go go tired mama! usually I have to apologize for yelling at least once when I'm tired)
Read to the older boy on the couch in my comfy clothes- he brought book after book
TO DO:
Swim class- restrain my desire to chat with other moms in order to make phone calls
Clean bathrooms
Teach 4-9pm at home
Finish website updates
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We used a pack N play once the kids were rolling over & sitting up. Worked great, portable, no concern about escaping or falling out. My pediatrician thought that was just fine. We didn't put much in the way of blankets.
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It would be hard or impossible for me to have a friend who needs the level of intensity you both seemed to have going in that friendship. I have a few great friends. One did come (with my parents & husband) to the birth of my first child. It was a moment in time where she could be there and we were just both so excited about the whole thing. Reciprocation wasn't expected and neither was an invitation to every birth. I haven't talked to her in a few months- and I know if I were to give her a call or arrange a trip to see her it would be like old times. I can call her when I need to talk, and vice versa.
Great friendships survive with years where one or the other is busy, may be less available, may need different kinds of interaction. My main relationship is with my husband, and I don't even text him twice a day... but again, different strokes for different folks.
I think it's actually a little unhealthy to look for everything you need from one friend. Maintaining friendships with a variety of people makes it possible to be more resilient and flexible when seasons change.
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We've been working/waiting to adopt for over 3 years. (No infertility, this is just our thing.) My husband is done after this kiddo, but I already feel a tug for more. And I haven't even seen the orphanages yet...
I'll be fine if we stop with three. We'll be busy, I have lots of things to focus on and my husband and I work pretty hard at intentionally taking good care of our relationship. We take a weekend for our anniversary, we spend time together after the boys are in bed, we take stock of each other often and try not to assume we know everything about us yet, we read books and articles together & discuss them. We do lots of deep talking on road trips and during dinners.
When we decided to adopt, it was much more me than him driving that bus (though we had discussed it before we even married). I made sure to tell him that although I'd be really disappointed for a while if we didn't adopt, I would survive and I would not hold it against him, whatever it took. That's part of that whole "veto power" issue for me. If either of us says no, not only does it not happen, but the other is obligated to do what they need to do to maintain. That might mean taking up a new hobby, getting therapy, talking to supportive friends, finding books that help... which are suggestions it seems you are asking for here.
If you were looking for faith-based advice, I'd be telling you to go to a pastor. There are some fantastic counselors out there. This is a huge issue, and I would highly recommend taking the time to find one together.
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I had to buy an analog clock because all ours were digital and we worked on clock reading.
We have a big box of colored pencils and kid scissors for each kid in addition to art supplies for fun, a magazine organizer box for each to keep their math workbooks, manuscript paper, etc. I keep the teaching texts for the day in our shelf ready to go, but they could just about fit in a third magazine box.
Stickers are awesome. Dice are fun. Bingo sheets are used for fun review. I print lots of file folder games a few times each year.
We use the little 8.5 x 11 dry erase manuscript lined board every day. I also use a littler one a lot- it's about 3 x 11 and was in the dollar section of Target. My 7 yo is much more willing to repeatedly write stuff on dry erase and then do the "best one" on paper. We do this with sidewalk chalk sometimes, too.
We found some fancy manuscript lined cards at the dollar store and I cut them up & hole punch them for flashcards a lot. The lines and large size help my boy write his own cards with a sharpie, and they are more durable than the 3 x 5 cards.
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The backing-up one is particularly impressive.
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Oh my goodness, Jean!! Please do take care of yourself. I didn't realize you were ill!
Still waiting: teaching. Practicing. Laundry completion. Organizing.
I'm sitting with my boys watching Little House and dinner's in the oven. Hubby's got rehearsal tonight so I'm planning to do some reading aloud before bedtime and after they're in bed, I'll be tidying up.
Maybe a glass of wine and a bit more practicing.
Then when hubby's back we'll probably watch Dexter. Maybe even Hoarders or one of those horrible kid pageant shows.
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It totally depends how serious they want to be. My husband does rc stuff as a serious hobby and got started with a $300 kit he still has.
You might like the forums at helifreak.com
There are pro ably local clubs in your area, too.
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We didn't get to sotw but laundry is progressing.
We biked to swimming and it's a gorgeous day !!! Better than therapy for me.
Still waiting: teaching. Practicing. Laundry completion. Organizing.
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She is testing to see how much you will dislike her. She's assuming she'll be rejected so she's taking control in the best way she knows how. By complaining to you about everything, she can built a little castle of denial that she would actually love to be part of your family and yet probably never will be.
I feel so sad for her. Praying for you all.
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Sorry you had a rough night, Jean!
Continue laundry saga
School- get to sotw
Bike to swimming
Teach one kid
Practice Dvorak, ligeti, Berlioz
Find a shelf for 7 yo's minerals
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Got my list all done for today, but still have some laundry spilling into tomorrow.
I'm tired. Glad tomorrow is another day.
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I'm a night owl, and so is my husband. My boys are up between 8-9 and usually I'm up just a little before they are.
I've been thinking about getting back into running in the mornings. It wouldn't take much, just up by 8 and I could use the treadmill. Up by 7 and I could go outside all by MYSELF!
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At Goodwill today we had two cute things:
5 year old kept asking if we could buy an Algebra textbook. Dude cannot read and is just getting solid with adding single digits. He just loves DragonBox and liked the plane on the cover. He was bummed that I wouldn't get it, "Fine. I guess you don't want us to learn algebra anyway."
7 year old told the checker, "I'm pretty sure you might have been a liiiittle bit off in your pricing because this diamond necklace is so pretty it MUST be real."
Who's going to tackle Thursday with me?
in The Chat Board
Posted
Did I already know you had lived in Japan and forgot that fact, Jean? I lived there for 3 years. Only drove a car there for one weekend, though. I'd love to live somewhere where I could get everywhere by bike & train again but still be in the country... Portland is almost like that.
Abandoning school for the swimming pool
Probably still do a little school- did not. It's always hard to sit down and do it at my parents' place.
90 minutes of work looming
Concert was exhausting: Never conduct when angry. It was a happy piece, terrifying baton situation. At least my viola section survived in one piece. Cringe.