violamama
-
Posts
997 -
Joined
-
Last visited
Content Type
Profiles
Forums
Events
Blogs
Classifieds
Store
Posts posted by violamama
-
-
We're saving up to (hopefully) bring our two boys with us for the couple of weeks we expect to be in China, with another adult or two to be with them when we have to do adoption stuff. We want them there because they can carry some amazing memories of their sister's big day for her. If they were younger or China required a long in-country visit, we would leave them home for sure.
-
I wanted to thank you, OP, for starting this thread. I've got a nine year old who has a lot in common with your son. Hubby and I have been getting concerned about how he relates to other kids b/c it is becoming problematic with certain less nice kiddos, who have no tolerance for him. I guess it is a big DUH for me that I never thought to look on Amazon for books that could help us with this, but I just spent an hour researching (based on the links above) and I ordered several books that I think will really help us help him.
Yippee and thanks for posting this!
Christina
Let me know which ones you like once you get them! I love to collect potential resources. WTM boards are like a candy store for me.
-
Is this online somewhere? I keep hearing about it, but we don't have cable, and it's not on Netflix streaming.
We get it from iTunes, watchable on our apple tv or computer.
-
HOLY COW!!! Your dog was attacked by a bobcat? That's awful. My mom's neighbor heard one the other night and has seen sign and it totally freaks me out. I would seriously rather be in bear country than bobcats.
As to the "advice"... well, actually, it kind of sounds like the conversation went well to me. We get some flack, a little "when are you gonna stop all that hs'ing nonsense". I'm doing my darndest to cultivate a thick skin. My husband is fantastic at this with his family in particular: he is fine discussing, he's cool as a cucumber, and he is about 1000% unlikely to change his view.
When we were first married, these family "discussions" used to drive me INSANE. They tend to do them loudly. At restaurants. With teasing and thrown napkins. It's all fun & games until I start to get upset. So I do my best to hide that and to just know that discussing is NOT deciding, because my husband is a rock.
Sorry, it stings to not feel supported, especially when it's so clearly illogical.
-
I found one downside: My son is now asking me if I will cook him a squirrel. That's not the kind of research I enjoy, in particular...
-
I was like that as a kid and went to PS the whole time. Sometimes I feel like I still have to check in with my friends and colleagues with something like "are you still interested in this discussion? I feel like I waylayed you a bit and am dominating the conversation." Some people are just not as intuitive with things like gauging the other person's interest or socially appropriate times for conversation. The assumption seems to be that PS will give kids like that the opportunity to learn those things, even if it's implied rather than directly taught. Anecdotal evidence of mine: Not even remotely true.
Appreciate your insight, Misty. I don't know if it's that I think PS would do a better job, it's more about the lion's share of responsibility of helping my boys navigate life as a kid falling to me. My husband would agree with you that assuming PS does well with this task is wrong. We just want to do whatever we can to get him on the paths that mature him.
-
Hmmm. That's an idea, though when I think about it, I know that I'm too private to share my views.
And with the government seizing Facebook posts and phone records, I'm not sure it is even wise.
There are topics I don't touch, too. And I hate those pre-made controversy-generating memes and pictures. I rarely even post articles- I do try to be kind of subtle about it all.
I look at everything I put on the internet this way: If I would not be comfortable saying something on stage with the whole world listening/watching, then I will not say (post) it.
I think if you're not digging it, you should bale. It is best used as a diversion, and has plenty of negatives, too!
-
I actually try to use it as a (hopefully non-preachy) place to show my friends that a homeschooling Christian classical musician may not be whatever people expect. I didn't think of it that way at first, but it kind of developed as people commented and discussed stuff. It can be encouraging and it helps me avoid some isolation. It does take a lot of effort to remain connected IRL to the people I chat with on FB. As a freelancer, I have gotten work because people remember me (and my cute kids, let's face it) from FB posts. One friend even gave me a bike trailer when I posted about wanting one!
Sometimes I post and read a lot. Sometimes I'm off it for a week or two. Since I have a smartphone, it's usually something I use while out and about.
-
I forgot about that show! We saw it in a hotel once, and due to this thread we are watching the first episode together on a lazy Sunday. I've laughed out loud several times, something tv rarely achieves. THANKS!
-
Sheldon, interesting post. The only part here that correlates to my son would be perhaps misinterpreting or missing some social cues (like the 3 uh-huhs in a row rule a PP mentioned). He is a bit overly verbose, but that runs in our family and works out all right as long as he knows when to put on the brakes.
His vocab, recall, organization of thought, nuanced understanding & ability to restate are all several years advanced (not tested, just IMHO).
I find it kind of odd that the quote above and the wiki on Pragmatic Language Impairment don't give any developmental age guidelines. Your average 3 year old, for example, is a non-sequitur machine. This indicates they are normal, but a 10 year old with the same impulsive conversational style may have issues.
-
It's lovely that those of you who adopted through Bethany had good experiences (and not entirely surprising) but you might want to check out a few of the reviews on this site:
http://www.adoptiona...an-services.htm
There are women who have had their babies literally stolen from them.
It's not up to par to recommend anonymous reviews on the internet as an important thing for adoptive families to be reading. I think you can do better.
Edited because I needed to soften my tone. Sarcasm is my native tongue, but it was too biting here. Sorry about that.
-
Second definition.
-
I thought I'd give you guys my initial impressions of these books I ordered.
This one is my favorite so far for its open-and-go nature:
Social Rules for Kids-The Top 100 Social Rules Kids Need to Succeed
Susan Diamond M.A.
This is a really handy little book, perfect to add to my daily work pile for my boy. It's a slim book with a brief, no-frills lesson topic laid out on each page. We use the topics to discuss- it doesn't have any cutesy stories or any of that. It's more of a talking point per day, and so far I've been soliciting answers and comments from him or bringing up specific times we might need a particular skill. I also bring in a lot of examples of how to "read" people, because he has been weak in that in the past. I see improvement: it could be his age, his current experiences, this book, the barometric pressure- but I like to think this book is helping.
This one is not really doing it for me:
Raise Your Child's Social IQ: Stepping Stones to People Skills for Kids
Cohen, Cathi
It's just way wayyyy overkill and it doesn't fit my personality. It's more of a detailed self-help book for parents, the size & heft of a novel. I can imagine that as the boys get older I might take a peek at it to see if there are some tools we should use. It has lots of anecdotes and gives very specific goals, skills and detailed model dialogues. It is too psycho-babbley for me. Full disclosure: we are coming out of a ton of adoption training and my cheesy model dialogue tanks may just be too full.
It recommends setting (like, on paper) very specific goals and checking in with diagnostic reflection & even quizzes. Every chapter lays out steps for the parent to work though. I have a feeling parents with kids on the spectrum or with other stronger challenges might like this methodical approach. For us, it is just too intensely clinical.
I forgot to pick up the Social Detective book at the library and missed my window, but might still grab that one when I get a chance.
-
Tell me about it, please. Any experiences? What do you know? Will a student be able to play Bach someday, too?
From,
Mom who knows music, a smidgen about Suzuki flute, and nothing about the violin, but has a 4yo whom she thinks might like to fiddle ;)
I'm not crazy about it. It jumps up in level too quickly for my taste. Others may like it better, but I think it's a bit "fluffy".
I prefer to start in Suzuki (it's got a nice methodology for what it actually introduces when). Then halfway through book 1 I like to add Brian Wicklund's American Fiddle Method for the kids who like fiddling. FWIW, I also like the "I Can Read Music" series once kids get to etude or so.
-
I think with my boy it could have been anything- physical is good because he has to focus through various distractions and he has to be aware of what he is doing. Honestly any sport where he has to be constantly on top of it as an individual would work. I think martial arts, track, gymnastics, anything would have done the trick with the right coach. In our experience so far, many coaches just don't even respond when he spaces out or they let him get so far wound up while waiting his turn that he ended up in trouble all the time. He hated the last gymnastics class for that reason. It was an awful fit for every boy in the room, but I think it was the coach and not the sport.
-
So, about 6 months ago I was asking the hive for advice on what might help my older boy learn better self-control and listening skills in group situations. I used the words executive function, but I wasn't speaking clinically. I mentioned martial arts.
We stuck with swimming (to be honest, it was mainly because I wanted our schedule kept simple and the dojo was across town). My boy got bumped up to a swim-team class, where the coach is aMAzing with kids and in particular with boys. He's a beautiful mix of big brother and drill sergeant. He responds to everything the kids do, giving them feedback and encouraging them to focus. He is all about focus & paying attention. The class is an hour MWF through our community center system.
It's not always easy (the kid is 7, he does still have bad days) but I am so utterly pleased with his progress.
I'm posting this to encourage any other moms out there with chatty space cadet kids who can concentrate for hours on the inside of their own head but have trouble noticing that they are the only child in the room not doing xyz. I'm certain this improvement is a combination of maturing due to age and maturing due to various experiences including this coach he adores and for whom he will work his tail off. (99% of said work is mental for my boy, 1% physical.)
-
I am adopting in part because there is, right now today, a need for homes for children. Nobody seems to be denying that.
I am not adopting because of some greedy need in myself and I am not adopting internationally because of some market "drying up". I resent that characterization. And a lot of the adoption training required involves learning about and caring for birth mothers. As I said, this is our third trip around the adoption prep ride, and each time we did classes and spoke to social workers specifically about that. A fringe does not define a "movement". These situations she studies do not actually define the current state of Christian adoption- Joyce herself seems to say that, am I right?
-
I find it gross to change the baby anywhere there is not a sink, especially in a restaurant, because that most likely would mean the parents do not wash their hands before they do go into the bathroom, or leave the restaurant, or touch the counters, etc, with fecal bacteria on their hands. Gross.
Just gross all around.
Totally. It reminds me of the school teachers who require kids to use hand sanitizer in the class rather than washing their hands because it "takes too long".
I remember being annoyed with SB for not having a table, but I would have just taken the whole shebang to the car. And if my husband intentionally dumped a coffee I'd be having him checked out. Psychologically. Because wasting (even sb) coffee is just nuts, let alone the fact that it would mean he became a raging jerk overnight to treat a barrista that way.
-
LOLOL. Bucket List!!! LOLL
Pooped out coffee berries are my bucket list, too! (But not the bucket I'll kick, exactly...)
-
I often feel like I should be doing something more productive. There, I said it, and on a classical site to boot!
So, I set a timer for 30 minutes on the days I think it will feel like a chore. My kids are young enough that that's our limit for it to remain fun, anyway. The timer + comfy spot + coffee nearby= I will get it done.
-
Got up, went to the pancake house with my parents.
Did 2 work calls
Got distracted by the boards and participated in a thread I should have probably avoided entirely... poor OP!
Sent boys with parents for swim class
Still to do:
Shower
Get on tour bus, do computer work
Play concert without reacting to angry conductor shenanigans
Drive home without falling asleep (caffeine!)
Sat/Sun will be school days this week for us. Hope you all have a great weekend!!
-
Coffeetime, I'm sorry- but we're right in the middle of this. I really did not mean to sound combative, but I am clearly frustrated.
I have not read the whole book, you're right. When it's available at the library or second hand I will get a copy. Her premise, the excerpts I've read, the interviews I've found... (I haven't jumped in with zero idea what she is saying) they do bother me. I honestly did not mean to dump that on you/this thread but I can see that I did just that.
I don't feel like arguing the points in red above, because I don't feel like it should be an argument and it seems neither do you.
Listen, FWIW we do believe in adoption, we are not infertile, we are a happy healthy realistic family, and we are on year seven. SEVEN. And we are longing now to bring home a daughter from China with "special needs"* that would have put her in a bad-to-worse situation for the rest of her life. My longing is to expand our family because we're just not done yet, and there is definitely the thought that there are kids in orphanages or foster care that need a home. I cannot change the government of China, but I can hope that seeing people love kids who some Chinese traditions might call unlovable will change that judgment. I think it IS changing it. There will still be moms hiding in the bushes waiting to be sure somebody picks up their baby in China. What they are asking the adoption community to change there is not within our purview as foreigners, but the answer is not to pretend the baby isn't still in need of a family and the family is likely to be overseas. I'm doing what I can do and what I've always wanted to do. Of course my being Christian has a bearing on it: it should have a bearing on every thing I do, just like any other human's world view will do to/for them. It saddens me to see adoption and Christian adoption in particular called into question. It excites me that this controversy might bring more people into the field of child welfare. In the interviews I read/watch of her and other new critics of Christian adoption, however, I see a call for putting on the brakes.
So that's what I was responding to...
* the Chinese definition of special needs is not what might pop to the mind of an average American: we're talking things that can be remedied with a surgery or two, things that don't necessarily have any long term limiting effect. I mention this because I don't want to portray my family as some heroic group scooping up a needy child. Unless you can imagine that without disdain, in which case my cape should be covered in sequins.
Here's what I have read: The Boston Globe article where I am enabling tragedy, The Daily Beast article where I am dominating the adoption "circuit and it's dark underbelly", and this excerpt on the NPR website, where if I begin to feel disappointed at not adopting particular children then my motives will again be questioned, and spur the need for her whole book. I also read this interview.
PS I can't help it, I will try to clarify again: I don't think the adoption push is wrong, nor do I think intl adoption is perfect. I would not want everyone to turn a blind eye, but I'm concerned that a bunch more undirected oversight from agencies already supposedly overseeing things will have the effect of the Hague Convention. It slowed things down in ways that were NOT intended, and some countries threw up their hands and closed their borders when they could not figure out how to enforce compliance. I'm sure you know all this. The criticism of Christians in general trying to adopt because of their beliefs seems mean-spirited and sensational. Tying the entire "evangelical" movement to some town that took on slaves from an orphanage in Liberia is a fallacy. Joyce may couch her criticisms in disclaimers that many Christians are well-meaning, but that falls flat. It concerns me.
-
No one is pretending that everything is peachy keen. Pushing adoption in a church is not the opposite of wanting better for the children in tough situations in various countries. Why must it be seen as "in competition with"? Churches with large adoptive communities usually do not say every family must/should adopt, but that every family can find a way to support adoptive families or orphanages. They are dedicated to awareness of what is going on in the countries affected (including the US foster system).
As to the evangelical purpose: First, every family will give their children a world view. Evangelicals (and I'm fine if you connote that with a fairly extreme version of the word) have a view that is predicated on an absolute truth existing. As Penn Jillette says, wouldn't they be huge jerks if they really believe other views lead to terrible outcomes yet never said anything about it? Never thought of evangelizing their own children as one benefit/duty of parenting? Didn't look around them and try to "save" every person they might influence?
Again, you (and the author of the baby catchers) are assuming that the growth of adoption in Christian circles is something that cannot be based in real concern for the kids and the countries they come from. That just by wanting to "save" more children, the overall goal will automatically be selfish at heart (to serve their own sense of a good deed or a need to be heroes) and will actually damage the kids/countries. I find it so deeply insulting. And let's be honest: Christians have always outpaced other demographic groups in intl adoption.
If you are truly curious about what a family must do to adopt, try some of the courses at Adoption Learning Partners. Read more about where the fees actually go. Read something with an opposing viewpoint or a level-headed response to the criticisms of the "new" adoption push.
Her use of Ukraine as an example is a bit of a shock. The outcomes for "in-country" children are not necessarily better, and the way they are encouraging that is through money given directly to Ukrainian families who do adopt. In a system so broken by poverty and other social ills, you would say that they should stay there in exclusion of countries with larger populations and resources? Are you convinced there are enough stable families ready to adopt those kids? Do you jump on the no-one-should-deal-with RAD bandwagon but allow it to be inflicted on people from their community without a second thought? Why not allow/encourage both in-country and intl adoption? And it's not true there are no people wanting to adopt Ukrainian children with special needs. It happens quite often and yes, it's almost always Christians- since you're reading blogs I would encourage you to find some of the groups of blogs dedicated to int'l special needs adoptions.
My problem is with the premise that doing one kind of good means Christians must be blind to or worse not care about the potential dangers in a system, and that one kind of good should also be outlawed until we can all sit back and fix humanity. Good luck with that. How about we applaud the adoptive community and ALSO point people toward real changing work on the problems that cause a need for it. Another field, btw, dominated by faith-based organizations.
-
I used to have that done when I was growing up in a very dry cold place. It seemed to work, and it was the ENT that did it. Hope you feel better soon!!!
Working part time & homeschooling?
in The Chat Board
Posted
Lots!
I work mostly from home with some out of home evenings/weekends. There's a group for working moms you might check out in the "Social Groups" section.
I've heard tutoring can be a good job for hs moms. Not bad pay per hour. Some do internet based work. Are you trained in something?