Interesting....it does also mention about women being envious of how "small" another woman's feet were and how she hoped that her feet would be as small as this girls' feet or that girl's feet so she could be attractive to men.

"Bound feet were once considered intensely erotic in Chinese culture. Qing Dynasty sex manuals listed 48 different ways of playing with women's bound feet. Some men preferred never to see a woman's bound feet, so they were always concealed within tiny "lotus shoes" and wrappings. Feng Xun is recorded as stating, "If you remove the shoes and bindings, the aesthetic feeling will be destroyed forever" -- an indication that men understood that the symbolic erotic fantasy of bound feet did not correspond to its unpleasant physical reality, which was therefore to be kept hidden. For men, the primary erotic effect was a function of the lotus gait, the tiny steps and swaying walk of a woman whose feet had been bound. Women with such deformed feet avoided placing weight on the front of the foot and tended to walk predominantly on their heels. As a result, women who underwent foot-binding walked in a careful, cautious, and unsteady manner. The very fact that the bound foot was concealed from men's eyes was, in and of itself, sexually appealing. On the other hand, an uncovered foot would also give off a foul odor, as various saprobic microorganisms would colonize the unwashable folds."

Ok...that is just a bit of a dramatic title but... I am reading "Snow Flower and the Secret Fan" right now and I just got through the section on her foot binding. It absolutely broke my heart. It kept saying over and over about how this would make her more attractive to men and make her more marriage material, etc. So this morning I read up on foot binding a little and there was so much about it that was sex-related or about how it made chinese women more alluring to men. It's easy to write it off as something crazy those chinese people used to do but there is so much evidence in other cultures of "crazy" things that women do (or are forced to do) in the name of marriageability, or attracting men, etc. The girls in Africa who undergo genital mutilation so they can get a husband when they are older, even the victorian women who pulled their corsets so tight they couldn't breathe because men found their tiny waists attractive. I read a book about 10 years ago describing a haitian girl's upbringing and how her mother basically "probed" her genitals each night to make sure she was still a virgin as no man would have her if she wasn't. It seems there are things in lots of different cultures and time periods that women have done so that men would find them attractive and marry them...crazy things...painful things...dangerous things... It made me wonder...what do women do in this day and age that you think is crazy/dangerous/painful/demeaning, etc. to attract a man?

This week I am reading Snow Flower and the Secret Fan... so far it is really good!

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

:lol::lol::lol: snort :lol::lol::lol: :iagree: Not even if it came with a free college scholarship or a lifetime supply of nutella (and let me tell ya, I LOVE nutella) or all the books I can read for the rest of my life for free or ___________________. I am as girly as it gets. Seriously. I am a designer-purse-carrying-pedicured-manicured-cosmo-swilling-afraid-of-spiders-girly-girl and I would NEVER and I mean NEVER put my daughter in a pagent and let's face it...she is a beauty. :D I would put her in a martial arts competition. Or a science fair. Or a computers camp. But strut her on stage almost naked like a piece of meat? NEVER NEVER NEVER. I have fought too hard to be taken seriously on a professional level just because I am blonde and big-chested.... I would never let my daughter feed into that disgusting stereotype. Did I mention NEVER?

What awesome responses!!! They have really made me think about why it is that I take risks. Since I left home 15 years ago I have lived in 9 different homes and worked in 6 different jobs. I don't get attached to homes or towns or jobs and while I do get attached to people it is only a select few. I also don't really "collect" anything and only keep a small amount of important "mementos". I AM a very sentimental person but it plays out in terms of memories and not an attachment to things. Even my mom said "Aren't you sad to leave your house behind?' and I sincerely responded "No. It's just a house. I'll get another one." As much as so many people would panic at the idea of selling their home and moving to a new place or starting a new job...I would panic if I didn't. Like MASSIVE claustrophobia would set in. I am ADDICTED to change. :D I have this weird "fear"...like the minutes of my life are ticking away and I am not going to have time to do and see all the things I want to do and see. I know it sounds strange. :tongue_smilie: But it is real. I could care less about bungee jumping, etc. But I am already thinking about what my next new adventure might be. I guess I am very lucky that my dh is happy to go along with my hair-brained ideas and my kids love adventure too. But I found myself thinking this morning about what it would take for me to settle down and live in ONE place until I die...what would it take for me to live like that and be happy? If you are NOT a risk-taker how would you answer that? What would it take for you to leave your familiarity and go to the unknown and be ok with it?

Thank you for sharing this. I really do want to understand the other side's view on this...I am trying to be more sympathetic to my mom's thoughts on this and I want to give good advice to my brother (who also cannot comprehend why his wife is so adamantly opposed to a new adventure)... I laughed because as much as my move "freaked you out"...the idea of only living in one place my whole life and never going anywhere or trying something new and exciting freaks ME out! :tongue_smilie: Seriously. The idea of moving back to my home town and living there until I die gives me a panic attack! If you don't mind, can you tell me what it was about living abroad that was so awful that you would never try it again? What it is about change that freaks you out? Because I really, truly want to "get it".

So obviously, dh and I sometimes do things others think are "crazy"...like move to Malaysia on little more than a whim. Yes, we had what-if moments, etc. but overall it was a pretty easy decision for us. I try to approach most things in life with a "Why not?" attitude. It was a good opportunity for me and my dh and our kids so even though it was on the other side of the world, we thought, "What the heck...let's give it a try!" My mother, OTOH, is the polar opposite. I swear that woman is afraid of her own shadow. She does not like change of any kind. She wants the familiar...even if the familiar is a crappy situation...at least it is familiar. So an unknown situation that COULD turn out great is a no-no but a terrible situation that is well-known is better. That makes NO SENSE to me. at. all. I am not saying it is necessarily wrong...it just doesn't make sense in MY mind. And likewise, my mother can NOT comprehend why I would do something like this. She thinks I am nuts. My brother and his wife are now in a similar situation...an opportunity to do something "big", something a little crazy but with the possibility of being an amazing life experience. He is totally on board. His wife is a no-go. She is like my mom. He is like me. Obviously, this is a problem. So it just got me to thinking...why are some people willing to do things "out of the norm" and others are not? Is it DNA? If so then how are my brother and I so different from my mom and our other brother (who is like my mom)? What makes some people look at change or new opportunities as "exciting" and others look at it with fear?

I am really just amazed and awed by your story. Love it!!!!! ETA: You have far more knowledge than I do about the "behind-the-scenes" economic issues with the U.S. government. How do you think an economic crisis (even bigger than what the U.S. faces right now) would affect a small country like Malaysia?

Yes they are. How did we do it? Well honestly, we moved to a country that only uses the metric system. We ALL had to learn REALLY fast. The good news is you CAN learn really fast. :D

yeah, sort of like nailing jello to a wall. But I do like a challenge. Hmmmm....

the Renaissance? That's it? Well that will be a cinch! :svengo: So of course I had to look up a few things and this sentence stood out to me: Some have called into question whether the Renaissance was a cultural "advance" from the Middle Ages, instead seeing it as a period of pessimism and nostalgia for the classical age. Now a paper on THAT would be interesting to read (at least to me). :D

Well it is still early but so far I have this: God freely calls believers to roles and ministries without regard to class, gender, or race.[1] And by evangelical feminism he means “a movement that claims there are no unique leadership roles for men in marriage or in the church.†Leadership in both the home and the church is to be shared equally between men and women according to their gifts and desires. In a nutshell...this means that women could be pastors if they wanted to.

I am all for freedom of speech and freedom to assemble but seriously... am I an awful person for wishing God would just strike them all dead for besmirching His glorious name? just kidding. sort of.

So my new class started yesterday...Contemporary Theological Issues... and I have a paper due in 6 weeks. The prof gave us two areas to choose from: evangelical feminism or the emergent church. I can write a paper on anything that falls under one of those two topics. :blink: Well, gee, could you narrow it down a bit? Sheesh. So I have one week to pick my topic and my head is spinning. I could go in a thousand directions with these two topics. Please help me! If you were going to read a paper on a topic in one of these two areas...what would most interest you?

Oh. Well in that case...what shall we talk about now? :D

I am so glad we don't have cable. Just atrocious.

Exactly and because an appeal to them through a logic or apologetics-based manner will earn you nothing. It has to be "miraculous" and there must be LOTS of "prosperity" attached to the religion in order for them to have the courage to turn their back on their ancestors. If they can show that it is a "properous" thing to be a christian there is more chance of relatives accepting it. And now I have officially fallen far off course. Where is my 4-wheel-drive? :D

Now THAT is funny!!!!!!

Excellent question...and this has the possibility of spinning wildly off topic but I believe their commitment to family, community, ancestors and the whole saving face thing, honoring your elders, etc. makes it supremely difficult to evangelize in an asian nation using an apologetics approach and helps explain why the charasmatic denominations are wildly successful here. OK, steering back onto the road... :D

I'm not sure what you mean. Are you referring to my comment about westerners leading al the group projects? If so, you may be right. One of things I have noticed here and in other asian countries (like Singapore) is the inability to think out of the box or "think for themselves" as we would say. They are taught one way to do things and they do not vary from that path. You see it all the time in customer service situations. Example: We are at the movies. We want to buy the 1 large popcorn with 2 cokes package. But we don't want coke, we want diet coke. It is a fountain drink situation where the diet coke is literally one lever to the right of the coke. In the U.S. you could say "I'll take package B but with a diet coke instead" ...no problem. But here? No can la. The employee just stares at you, giggles (they always laugh when embarassed) and says "no can la...must have coke." And one time they were actually OUT of coke and STILL would not give us a diet or a sprite, etc. They just wouldn't sell the package. Period. That is just one silly but very indicative example of their style of thinking. Also, our western kids are more likely to "question" adults...debate the rules, offer up alternative ideas, etc. Trying to do a debate club with asians is PAINFUL and group discussions are nearly impossible because it is just against their culture to have these back-and-forth exchange of ideas with an adult.

a Missionary Kid

Well, well, well..it seems I have done it again. :D I have read every single post and I think this has been a most fascinating discussion. After living and working in the Asian education world for a little while I can say this... About 50% of our students are of Asian descent (primarily Chinese and Korean) and while I do not know what goes on inside their homes I can say that this level of intensity is pretty much the norm. I have not personally seen a parent call their kids names but ALL (and I do mean ALL regardless if they are 5yo or 15yo) take "tuition classes" outside of school. This means they go to school from 8:20-3:45 and then they have extra classes they take in the evening for 2-3 hours and then they do homework for several hours. Many also take classes on the weekends. When we do our yearly parent surveys inevitably the western parents think we need MORE extra-curricular and sports offerings and the asian parents think we need to focus more on academics. The western parents say we give too much homework and the asian parents say we don't give enough (we can't win :tongue_smilie:). In my dealings with parents...western parents are more likely to come to me and complain that little Johnny is being worked too hard, or his teacher said something mean to him, or another child is being mean to him, or they want a special exception to some rule, etc. Asian parents that come to me only come to me for one thing...they all want their child moved into the accelerated class. :tongue_smilie: At first I thought it seemed all asian parents think their children are gifted and going to Harvard and that's why they want their kids to be in all honors courses. Now after being here for a while and interacting with them more I know that it is not whether their child is gifted or not...in fact I do not think I have ever heard an asian parent use that word... they just EXPECT that their child is capable of doing honors-level work if they work hard enough. Our asian students do have a tendency to outscore our western students on average BUT many of our top-scoring students are Americans. Here are some other observations that are sure to ruffle some feathers but try not to chuck a mental...they are merely little factoids I have noticed: - while western students can and do score very high on tests, it is more an exception than the norm. OTOH, the MAJORITY of asian students score in the highest ranges. So out of the top 10 students in any grade, probably 7 or 8 of them are asian. Are they just innately smarter? Or do they just work harder? - (this one is sure to get me in trouble)... of the western students that score in the top 10, they are all the students of two professional parents (I checked) - (this one is REALLY going to get me in trouble)... of all of our "special needs" students, 90% are western and of that 90% the overwhelming majority are MKs. (not really sure what if any conclusions can be drawn from this) - we have an "in-house" piano teacher who gives lessons to our students after school and we have two recitals per year. The asian students are LIGHTYEARS more talented on the piano than the western students even with the same amount of lessons under their belt. The difference is THAT stark. -many of our asian students DO participate in sports but the parents approach that with the same work ethic. If you are going to do it then you are going to work hard to be the best at it. So my point? Hmmm.... well, I guess my point is that there is quite a bit of truth to the article in terms of "styles" of parenting. Not sure about the name-calling but I am sure about the intensity. And yes, asian parents DO see their child's success, or lack thereof, as a direct reflection of them as parents and the children do feel pressure not to "dishonor" their parents by being slackers. But I am not sure that is a bad thing. In America we have such fierce individualism that we don't want to be beholden to one another for ANYTHING. In Asian cultures there is more of a "no man is an island" mentality...in the family or in their community. However, I can also tell you that if there is a group project to be done, the westerners are always the leaders of the group, the brainstormers, the big-idea-thinkers and the asian kids are the "make-it-happen" kids. Asian students tend to be very rigid in their thinking, not able to think "outside the box", etc. Also, asian students, especially in the younger years, tend to lag behind in motor skills. We had a "sports day" and one of the activities was an obstacle course. I was shocked to see that the MAJORITY of our asian youngsters had NEVER jumped rope, could not do a somersault, had difficulty hopping on one foot, jumping over things, hopscotch-ing, and even ran awkwardly. They just didn't spend much time "playing" outside to acquire these skills. Living and learning together causes the students to rub off on each other though. The asian kids drive our western kids to work harder and the western kids teach the asian kids how to have fun. Both of which is needed.:D

As someone who is busting her butt and paying boatloads of money and jumping through every hoop possible to LEGALLY emigrate her daughter...a child legally adopted by two U.S. citizens... to the U.S. I just have to say :iagree: Man, at times like this I really miss giving rep. :D