GVD22
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Posts posted by GVD22
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I agree.
The relationship sounds so stilted. For example, you arrived at her house and a man was there. Was he introduced? And if he was, it sounds like you were all too uncomfortable to speak casually to each other. Even normal polite interest wasn't allowed, for example: "Hi, Man, nice to meet you. So, how do you know Mom?" If you DH couldn't ask how Man and your MIL were connected...
She introduced him by name, "Son, this is <insert name here>" and that was that. DH, I believe, is still sensitive to his mom seeing other men even though his dad has been deceased for 6 years now.
My MIL used to say the strangest things and I would get sooooo upset. But, once we moved closer and I got to know her better, I found out she was mostly clueless and not meaning to offend. Not saying that your MIL is like mine, but if you guys couldn't even ask politely what the relationship was between her and the man...then you're strangers and it sounds like there was a lot of awkwardness and tension. I wouldn't say there was awkwardness really, neither was there any tension, until she handed the baby to him. He left shortly after that as a matter of fact.
Out of curiosity: Is she of a different culture from you? I know of a few cultures where it is acceptable to point out if someone is getting fat. Annoying, but acceptable. No we are from the same culture
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The older you get, the less crap you put up with.
:iagree: I do find this to be true for me in the last few years.
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I don't think I'd take it that far. :tongue_smilie:
Let's face it, this guy is MIL's boyfriend. He has, no doubt, gotten an earful about how evil you are from her, and realistically, he's going to believe her. If your dh calls him to apologize, your MIL will tell the guy that your dh apologized entirely on his own, behind your back, because he's a good boy, who is saddled with a deranged, demented, and fat wife. :glare:
I'd forget about it and let it go. It wasn't that big a deal. He'll get over it (or he won't, but an apology from your dh probably won't do anything more than start another argument or work in favor of your MIL in one way or another.)
Try to put this behind you and work toward avoiding your MIL at all costs. She is toxic.
Cat
For the record, I don't think MIL hates me, or maybe I'm just blind and don't want to believe that since we've gotten along fairly well for the 15 years that DH and I have been married. I would be shocked if she said anything negative to her "friend".
I didn't say anything to DH about his offer to apologize, other than his mom has completely switched things around so she's the victim. I don't think he should but I'm holding my tongue.
DH has said that she is used to running the households of his 3 sisters(not so sure about his brother) so the fact that I have my own opinions, which influence DH, probably isn't to her liking.
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I know how you feel -- we were very particular about who could hold our ds, too. My point was that the man had no reason to ask you if it was ok, because your MIL handed him the baby, and in most cases, if Grandma did that, I think most people would assume that it was fine to hold the baby. It's not like he demanded to hold the baby; his girlfriend (whom I'm assuming he likes and trusts) handed the baby to him. Sure, her motives were clearly to bait you to see if you'd get angry, but this poor guy was just an innocent pawn, as far as I can tell, and I can understand why he might feel offended. He probably doesn't know the backstory, and if he does, it's from your MIL's anti-you point of view.
I see what you're saying and DH has offered to call this guy to reiterate that it had nothing to do with him. I just hate that MIL has flipped the situation to make it look like we were the bad guys.
May I add to your description of "offensive" and say that the gifts were tasteless and gross? How about disgusting? YECCH! ::ack2: I can't believe your dh didn't call her out for gifting his kids with used stuff -- and not even nice, clean, good-as-new-except-without-the-tags stuff! Don't even get me started! As I said, we got into a fight about that.
No wonder you don't want anything to do with your MIL!
Cat
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Thanks for validating my feelings. This whole episode is really upsetting to me. Some of the things that have been mentioned in this thread are exactly what I see in MIL but DH doesn't see it, yet. ;) He's the baby of the family and he and his mother are close. Enough said.:tongue_smilie:
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I don't think you're overreacting. Only you and your Dh can decide what you are willing to put up with.
One year my MIL's birthday fell on Easter. She dislikes cooking and her kids don't come see her that often, so I said, "Honey, we should get some of the others to visit MIL with us. I'll make a big meal and we'll celebrate her birthday." MIL seemed okay with this. We drove 6 hours to their place. I spent that Sat. cleaning her house and cooking. The other relatives came for dinner on Sunday. Everything was going fine until several people commented on the food and SIL asked for some recipes. As I was washing the dishes, MIL brought each individual dish over to me and said, "Are you taking this home with you? FIL and I won't eat it, so if you don't take it we'll feed it to the dogs." Every. single. dish. After a decade of instances like this, I suppose that I could tell Dh I don't want to see her, but I don't want to take it that far. Now, I just won't cook at her house.:glare:
Wow!
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:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:
She is looking to stir up trouble between you and your dh. She insults you privately because she doesn't want him to have a chance to step in and defend you. She wants to keep baiting you until lose your temper with her over something silly in front of your dh, so she can tell him how evil you are.
I have to say that I think it was a bit rude to take the baby back from the guy. It's not as though he scooped the baby up out of a crib and ran for the back door; your MIL handed the baby to him and I'm sure he didn't have a clue that there would be any problem with that. That said, I'm sure you already realized that your MIL was trying to start trouble, and in that situation, it's easy to overreact a bit.
Overall, I think your MIL sounds like a nightmare, and your dh needs to set some serious boundaries with her. Also, he needs to make it crystal clear to her that if she offends you, she's offending him as well, and it is not acceptable.
BTW, just being nosy here -- but what was the offensive gift?
Cat
I'm sure some would think it was rude but we just don't allow just any one to hold our kids. I think it's more rude to assume it's okay to hold my child without asking. That's just one of my idiosyncrasies;)
As far as the gifts...I don't know what MIL was thinking but she got DS a shirt that said "Thuglife" on it(she knows we don't advocate that sort of thing AT ALL), a formerly white polo type shirt that was faded due to the obvious usage of whoever had worn it before she gave it to DS and a pair of blue pants that had huge white stains down one leg(glue, perhaps?).
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My MIL is a real peach too....saying things only when my dh isn't within earshot.
I told DH, don't think it's a coincidence that both times she called me fat you weren't around.:glare:
What is with that?!
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What do you think the source of the problem is?
I'm curious because I am in the camp where I want to know that the food I eat is safe, but I don't necessarily think that more regulation is the answer. Unfortunately, I can't afford SLO food, so I am stuck with the big producers.
Well my understanding is things like E coli came about because of the diet the cows are fed. Being fed corn, instead of grass causes the development of E coli. Then, because they're all jammed together, if one cow gets it, it easily spreads. Of course, that manure then finds it's way into our crops and there you have it(sigh).
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A little background....when I had DD a few years ago, DH and I, with the other kids, came down to MILs(mother in law) house for Thanksgiving(at the time she lived 5 hours away). At one point while we were visiting, I was in the room DH and I were staying in and MIL came back there and though I can't remember the conversation, at some point she said, "You should have lost the baby weight by now"( I was 5 months postpartum at this point). I was stunned that she thought it was okay to say that but I didn't respond but did mention it to DH. It's been so long that I can't remember whether or not he said any thing to his mom.
Fast forward to Jan of this year. At this point, we live less than an hour from MIL, I am pregnant again and DH took the kids to see his mother so they could pick up the Christmas gifts she had for them. I was very much offended at some of the gifts she gave one of the kids and DH and I got into this huge argument about the gifts for the kids.
So other than seeing MIL at Thanksgiving I didn't see her for my entire pregnancy as I knew I would have lost it if she had commented on my weight while I was pregnant. I did see her when the baby was two weeks old and that went ok.
This past weekend, we went to see MIL. Against my better judgement I went because DH really wanted me to go so his mom could see the baby again, who is now a few months old, and the kids wanted all of us to go as a family.
So, when we arrived there was a guy there that neither of us knew. I guess they're dating...I'm not sure.:confused: DH hands the baby to his mother and she holds the baby for a few minutes and then hands the baby to this guy.:001_huh: My back was towards MIL and her friend and I was facing DH. I shot him a look and he jumped up and basically said, "no offense, but I don't know you" and took the baby from the guy. MIL then says, " I knew you were going to say something, that's why I kept watching you." From that statement I'm thinking she knew we wouldn't like it but wanted to see what our reaction would be. I was pretty ticked off that she did that!
MIL then calls me in a back room because she has something to show me. As soon, as I stepped over the threshold of the door, she says," you've gotten fat". I was floored that once again she felt she needed to judge my postpartum body. I said that was rude, made a snarky comment to her and she said it wasn't rude and I left out of the room. She basically shrugged it off.
I told DH I wanted to leave NOW. I told him what happened. He gave the baby to our teenager and we went in the back and he called his mother back there. She was very defensive and offered a half hearted apology and said she was done with it and left the room. I didn't say another word to her nor did she to me for the remaining time we were there(about 30 min). I fed the baby and when I was done we left.
She talked to DH yesterday and was very offended that he took the baby from her friend(her friend was also very offended at DH according to MIL). She also thought her apology to me was sincere even though DH told her she was not humble at all. I am so glad DH witnessed her apology so he could see that she was upset and defensive. DH told her if she wants to discuss this further then call him. I've already told DH I will not be going back to his mother's house. Am I overreacting?
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Our government really makes me sick, never going to the source of the problem. UGH!
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I got a car for Christmas(or was it my birthday :confused:) my senior year of high school. It was a total surprise, I didn't even have my driver's license yet.:lol:
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No, I didn't get the student book.
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I don't have P90 but I do own P90x and one of the discs from P90 masters(the total body work out). I had good results with p90x and I only did it for 8-9 weeks. It's a great program and it's easy to modify since there are background exercises showing a modified version of whatever Tony does. With that being said, after taking a long hiatus from regular workouts and after having had a baby a few months ago I'm going to work up to doing P90x by using the P90 masters total body.
I personally passed on Power 90 years ago because I just couldn't get past the way it looked. It didn't inspire me at all. Maybe it'll be different for you.:)
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My TM is the same as yours. I bought mine in the spring.
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Most people are reporting low travel volume in airports and that the TSA wasn't pulling anybody out of lines for the scanners. Don't think the TSA didn't do this intentionally to get around an Opt Out Day stink.
I haven't watched any news on this since early this morning but from what other people are saying online it appears that the airports were a lot less busy than they should be today.
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GVD-Thanks for the book suggestion!
Debbie-what were the two exercises, if you wouldn't mind sharing?
AmylovesBud-how did you know how to use the foam rollers?
To those who used PT-did you try to find someone who specialized in IT band? Did you have to have MRIs or anything? Or can I just go to a PT and say I'm pretty sure this is IT band, how do we fix it? (my insurance doesn't need referrals so I'd like to skip the middleman if possible to avoid the copay!)
You're welcome and no, I didn't go to someone who specialized in IT work but they worked wonders. I agree with the foam rollers they are good for really getting in there. I personally have never used it but I do Yamuna body rolling and it's the same concept
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Thanks so much! I'm glad I asked before throwing it away.:)
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DD put my butter, that was purchased yesterday, in the pantry. I just found it today. I know people used to leave butter out on the table back in the day. Is it possible it's still safe to consume?
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PT helped alot. I also liked Yoga for Healthy Knees.
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public transit, trains and boats :glare: For those who think "don't like it, don't fly" does this not bother you either?
The next step in tightened security could be on U.S. public transportation, trains and boats.
Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano says terrorists will continue to look for U.S. vulnerabilities, making tighter security standards necessary.
“[Terrorists] are going to continue to probe the system and try to find a way through,†Napolitano said in an interview that aired Monday night on "Charlie Rose."
“I think the tighter we get on aviation, we have to also be thinking now about going on to mass transit or to trains or maritime. So, what do we need to be doing to strengthen our protections there?â€
Napolitano’s comments, made a day before one of the nation’s busiest travel days, come in the wake of a public outcry over newly implemented airport screening measures that have been criticized for being too invasive.
The secretary has defended the new screening methods, which include advanced imaging systems and pat-downs, as necessary to stopping terrorists. During the interview with Rose, Napolitano said her agency is now looking into ways to make other popular means of travel safer for passengers and commuters.
Napolitano isn’t the only one who’s suggested that advanced scanning machines could be used in places beyond airports.
Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-Conn.), chairman of the Senate Homeland Security Committee, introduced legislation this past September that would authorize testing of body scanners at some federal buildings.
Napolitano’s comments were in response to the question: “What will they [terrorists] be thinking in the future?†She gave no details about how soon the public could see changes in security or about what additional safety measures the DHS was entertaining.
The recently implemented airport screening methods have made John Pistole, who heads the Transportation Security Administration (TSA), the focus of growing public ire.
On Monday, Pistole said he understood peoples’ privacy concerns and that the TSA would consider modifying its screening policies to make them “as minimally invasive as possible,†but he indicated the advanced-imaging body scans and pat-down methods would remain in place in the short term, including during the high-volume Thanksgiving period of travel.
Lawmakers from both parties have received hundreds of complaints about the new methods — some have likened the pat-downs to groping — and have called on Pistole to address the privacy concerns of their constituents, who were not informed about changes ahead of time.
Many lawmakers say the public should have been informed before the pat-downs and body-imaging techniques were put into practice. As a result, any move to implement new security screening measures for rail or water passengers is likely to be met with tough levels of scrutiny from lawmakers.
Pistole, who spent 26 years with the FBI, told reporters Monday that he rejected the advice of media aides who advised him to publicize the revised security measures before they took effect. Terrorist groups have been known to study the TSA’s screening methods in an attempt to circumvent them, he said.
Napolitano said she hoped the U.S. could get to a place in the future where Americans would not have to be as guarded against terrorist attacks as they are and that she was actively promoting research into the psychology of how a terrorist becomes radicalized.
“The long-term [question] is, how do we get out of this having to have an ever-increasing security apparatus because of terrorists and a terrorist attack?†she said. “I think having a better understanding of what causes someone to become a terrorist will be helpful."
DHS and intelligence officials are not as far along in understanding that process as they would like, Napolitano said, adding that until that goal is reached, steps need to be put in place to ensure the public’s safety.
“We don’t know much,†she said. “If you were to try and devise a template about what connects this terrorist to this terrorist and how they were raised and what schools they went to and their socioeconomic status, or this or that, it’s all over the map.
“I think there’s some important work that’s being done on that but … the Secretary of Homeland Security cannot wait for that.â€
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We rarely go to bed at the same time. He likes to read, meditate and pray when the house is silent.:)
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Neither did mine and my children went longer between feedings. You can't generalize "for" or "against" feedings at a certain interval whether it is a shorter interval or a longer one.
:iagree: My first used the pacifier, the next two didn't, and the last did for about 9 weeks. Pacifier use didn't play a role in my kids going longer between feedings.
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Every 2-3 hours during the day(no formula) up til about 12 weeks of age when they started sleeping consistently through the night....my youngest is 5 months(no solids yet) and has gradually moved to nursing every 3-4 hrs between 6am to 8pm when she goes down for the night. This has been the same pattern for all of my kids. I don't think it's climate as I live in FL too. :)
Am I overreacting?
in General Education Discussion Board
Posted
I started staying home about 1 1/2 - 2 years ago when DH would go visit. I thought it would be great for him to spend time with this mom and the kids with their grandmother and I could enjoy being at home alone:D. A few months ago DH brought up the fact that I always stay home and he wanted me to be closer to his mom. I said I would consider it. Well, after this past weekend, it's understood that I will have no part in his visits with his mom. Why in the world does she want me around? After we got home from her house on Sunday, he told me that she had specifically asked about me coming that day.:confused: