sassyscrapperinid
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Posts posted by sassyscrapperinid
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Neither dh nor I have have spanked, pinched or other wise physically hurt our children. We've never taken then to the woodshed. Yet they are still respectful, decent people.
My kids do lots of chores (they take turns cleaning the bathroom, for instance. I haven't cleaned a bathroom or washed a bathroom floor in years), they take care of animals, they mow, they help me plant, my oldest kids grocery shop, they cook, I've come home to a sparking kitchen after a day away, my kids get good grades, they are rsepectful and even my youngest has come along to funerals with me because as she has said, "We go to comfort the living, and out of respect for the dead". They do this beause it's what our family does: we help each other. It's too much for any one person. It's right and loving to attend your sister's art show, it's right to attend your sister's ballet performance or your brothers concerts and plays. We are a team.
We do have a family culture...and I can only describe that as mutual respect. We've never had issues with law, we've never had issues with alcohol or drugs.
I think some of this is luck, personality, no significant cognitive glitches etc. But I also think our famiily has always understaood that little children thrive on care, respect and apporproate boundaries which are not shame-or punishment based. We all make mistakes, and we learn from those mistakes. Have I taken away car privilleges? Screen time? Held a child who was thrashing about in a over-stimulated tantrum? Yes.
Our of our favorite authors, who inspired some of our parenting ideals and language way back when , is Eda Leshan who wrote "When Your Child Drives You Crazy". It's really for parents of little children, but it set a particular tone in our home from the begininng.
You asked, CHuckie, and it's hard to write this without sounding smug. I don't want it to seem that we've haven't had good rows here at times. We have. I know a lot of luck has been involved, I know the particular dynamics of my kids personalties have meshed. How much is dh and me? How much is simple nature? Nurture? It's hard to say, of course, so I am simply trying to report/answer your question in the most honest way I can.
I do have a challeging child (who was also born with various birth defects, some physical, some cognitive). I do have a child who joined our home (as an infant) through adoption. We have been very, very lucky, exspecially given all the variables.
But hitting, shaming, impossible expectations for littles...never a part of our family culture.
I think thats awesome too!! :001_smile:
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I do think people tend to romantisize the past. The good old days were't really *that* good. A lot kids, then, as now, falter, and whether they were smacked around in the woodshed is not going to change a learning disability any more than going to church is going to keep a person on the straight and narrow.
I think I agree with this... my concern is the number of children labeled with a learning disability when at times the child just had no structure or discipline to begin with. Not to say there arent children with learning disabilities, I just think that children are too easily labeled that sometimes when some kids just need more attention and structure than others.
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Sorry, but I'm with the "let's not romanticize washing the mouth out with soap" crowd.
It is interesting to me that I hear odes - this is not the first - to the "good ole days" when kids where 'drug by the ears, drug to the woodshed, drug to the sink for the soap treatment' as the answer to "kids today", and we completely ignore the fact that, in the "good ole days" parents & extended families spent A LOT more time together (and I'm glad to see this ode mention that fact)....perhaps that has a lot more to do with the better-behaved-children-of-yesteryear than the soap-in-the-mouth?
And, for the record, I am not anti-spanking. I don't use it, but I have friends who have/do (who are of a much calmer temperment than I), who are not abusive.
Also for the record, I still have memories of having my mouth washed out with soap, and, yes, it did stop me from saying bad words in front of my parents. But you would NOT believe the words I thought about them inside of my head....for a long, long time.
I dunno- I spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for 19 years so far with my kids and they still need to be drugged every now and then.
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I get that some people would find it funny, but it's also OK for some of us to say that we don't find that sort of thing funny.
:iagree:Everyone has an opinion and a right to it! I totally agree with that and glad you said it.:001_smile:
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well.... I thought I would add that my brother and I are 9 years apart. My mother parented me in ways that some- okay alot might view as abusive. She was extremely strict and physical when it came to discipline and drugged me plenty but not to church- LOL. I ended up going to church with relatives or friends. My brother was never disciplined at all beyond being gently talked to. Who had the drug problem? Not me, he did. Who was completely disrespectful of my mother and other adults? Not me, he was (and this did not change until about 5 years ago). Who graduated from high school? Not him, I did. Who's been in jail? Not me, him. I could go on and on. And when I look back, was it scary to be a kid sometimes for me? Sure. BUT I am glad that she raised me with discipline and taught me respect. I am SO glad I dont struggle with drug addiction and the other problems my brother has had. He is doing great now, but he had to go through so much due to the lack of discipline in his life. And also, the birth of his first of 2 daughters is what finally woke him up. I am so proud of the way he has turned himself around! The only thing that I do wish is that she would have taught me a different way of parenting. Because sadly, we learn how to parent from our parents. So, it has been a struggle at times with my own parenting. However, I am learning that parenting IS a struggle a lot of the time anyways.
I think essays like the one posted by the OP just remind us that times we are living in are different. People who do discipline their children have to be worried that the neighbor or family member wont agree with their method- no matter what it is because if they dont agree, you WILL be investigated by your local and friendly CPS agency. I hardly think soap in the mouth for swearing is borderline abusive- especially when you have tried EVERYTHING else. BTDT When my now dd16 was almost 3, her father and I were going through a bitter divorce. We had shared custody of our 2 children. My dd would come home from visiting her father saying the f word and the like. Now, I did my best to try and help her to not talk like that but thats all she heard all weekend long. I finally tearfully brushed her teeth with a tiny drop of soap on her toothbrush for about 10-20 seconds while telling her it is nasty to talk like that and that we had to clean her mouth. And she stopped after the first or second time of washing. Is is something I am proud of? Not really but I had no other way to turn at that time. People said to ignore her and she would stop. Well, I tried that and she didnt. The more I ignored her the louder she would yell these profanities, at meetings, up and down the aisles at walmart. Her father called me and said that dd told him I washed her mouth with soap. I said well, I had to help her stop saying that crap and I had tried everything else. He could hardly throw a fit since he is where she got the language from anyhow. So anyways.... Im sure there is all kinds of research saying that the drugged type of discipline actually creates criminals, but Im sure there is research to the contrary as well. In my personal experience, discipline helped not hindered. I just think that the essay isnt condoning child abuse, as much as it is supportive of discipline.
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that is awesome!!! thanks!
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Update: there are no beds at the hospital, but a bed opened up at long term residential care at a very good treatment facility. So we're signing paperwork tonight and he's being moved there tomorrow morning.
I've been crying off and on all day, I know this is the right thing to do but dear God is it hard.
Thanks for the update Wendylee. It has to be the hardest thing but I agree with a PP that said you have done the best parenting thing you can for him and that is recognizing when you needed help in helping him. :grouphug: You're a great mom! Dont forget it!! And absolutely dont let anyone tell you any different! :grouphug:
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OMG, so much!!! I'm actually happy they did it in 2 installments, because the book is soooo long, and there's little that can be cut without losing a lot of the story. I think it stinks that they're waiting so long to release the second part though.
I know what you mean... I just am not a patient person and once I see part 1, well, lets just say its gonna be a loooonnnggg year!! I think of it too that I sat in the theater ans watched Titanic 2 or 3 times and that movie is 3 hours long I think? I would have been willing to sit through 3- 3.5 hours for it. But yeah, I know what you mean. :001_smile:
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I am so totally excited! I'm re reading the series again now. DH said that they are going to be doing a part one, part two. Hopefully not. I want it all at once.
Yeah, unfortunately they broke it into 2 parts. =( And whats worse is that the last I heard, the second part wasnt being released until Nov. 2012 even though they have already finished filming the whole movie!! The HP fans had it better- at least I thought they only had to wait 6 months or so when they broke the last one into 2 parts?? I hope Summit changes their minds and releases part 2 of Breaking Dawn before Nov 2012.
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Yes! I have been waiting patiently! Nov can not come fast enough! BD was my favorite book out of the series!
I have trouble choosing my fav out of the series but it is definitely either #1 or #2!! Are you re-reading BD yet? I started it thinking that it would take me a while to read through it but I am almost done again after only a week or so.... I guess I will just have to restart!! :001_smile: Glad to know I am not alone!!!
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Hi everyone-
I was just wondering if there is anyone else out there more excited than ever for Breaking Dawn to hit the screens in November now that the first trailer came out last night on the MTV movie awards?? I really wasnt paying much attention to it but when I saw the trailer last night, I am now totally excited!!! Does anyone have anything planned? I feel a wee bit immature for being excited about it, but I. cant. help. it!!! :lol::lol:
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:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Im so glad you got some help. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:
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:iagree:
I'm going to disagree with the 'I was bored' statement. Considering that this fire happened after he was busted for drugs, s*x, theft, I think 'bored' is an excuse, and was more motivated by being angry for getting caught and punished. Frankly, fire setting is too dangerous, imo, to risk being wrong about.
:iagree: I have to agree with Impish on this one. Boredom is no excuse and I am surprised it was used for setting fires or any other life threatening or destructive behaviors- especially since it was a reaction on his part to being caught in other personally destructive behaviors. Just my opinion though.
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We've done this. We've given him his freedom, we've clamped down, nothing works. When we gave him his freedom, he got promiscuous, got into drugs, etc. When we grounded him/clamped down, he's fighting with us constantly, screaming, breaking things, and then tonight setting fires in his room.
So honestly I don't know what else we can do. We're calling the doctor on Monday and I'm not getting off the phone until they give us some help. Church and youth group won't help, family doesn't know and wouldn't help anyway.
Honestly I just want him out of the house, but I know he's 16 and has no where to go. But I'm so sick of the constant fighting.
:grouphug: Try jobcorp. I definitely agree with having him evaluated though. It could provide relief for up to 72 hours or more from what I have been told. One of our boys ran a way last month, and thankfully we had a very supportive sheriff deputy help us find him and has given him a good talking to and he has been a bit better since. I really feel for you though and I know how it feels to be scared in your own home. We have found ourselves in a bit of horrible situations with our 5 adopted RAD children. The fire part has me really concerned because that is a threat to your whole family, not just himself, as a PP already said. The s** and smoking pot part are sadly what some people think is normal for teenagers in this day and age. We believe differently too. But seriously, I would try jobcorp. Check it out online. They can go in as early as 16. He can receive counseling there as well as get his GED and job training. One of my disruptive adopted kids is there right now. We have enjoyed a new level of peace in our home ever since. It may take a few months to get him in. They do a background check on everyone before they go in, but it will be worth the wait. We only had to wait about 45 days. I know that could be a long 45 days- but if there is no other option, thats what I would do. Heck, its what I have done and what I will continue to do to achieve peace in my home. So sorry you are going through this. :grouphug:
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She doesn't live with us. She's not even in the same province or time zone.
She WANTS to live with us. Even demanding that we move to a small town in her province b/c she 'has friends there, and would be willing to move...'. That we have no interest in her province, can't afford the real estate, and the town she wants holds no employment opportunities are viewed as us being ungrateful brats and unreasonable. We should do what she wants without hesitation or question. :001_rolleyes:
oh- Im sorry for the misunderstanding..... but thrilled that she doesnt live with you!! *happy dance* It makes it all the more easier to IGNORE her!! I would just tell her that if she cant be happy about it then she will force you guys to not have contact until well after the baby comes because you dont deserve the added stress. I dont get what she expects with having adopted your husband. Like I said earlier, we adopted 5 children and we dont expect them to take care of us or put us before their families- when they grow up and have them. :) That is just crazy crazy! So- woohoo to you!!!! And if you dont have caller ID, I would definitely get it so you are in control of when you talk to her. Glad your dh is supportive of when it comes to her. That helps. :grouphug:
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:grouphug::grouphug: CONGRATULATIONS!! My mil was less than pleased when my dh and I were expecting his 2 only biological children- I say that because we have 9 children all together!! I had 2 from a previous marriage, then we adopted 5, and then we had 2 together. :001_smile: Alls I can say is try to ignore her and be happy. You have a right to be happy about this. Having a baby is a joyous and exciting time. It might be harder because she lives with you. My concern would be that she spread her attitude to the children somehow. :grouphug::grouphug:
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We are very lucky to have found a nice home on 10 acres to rent with a wonderful barn on the property as well. We hope to add animals soon. In the past we had 10 acres in Vermont and then 3 acres in southern CA. When we first moved to the state we are in now, we lived on 1 acre in a subdivision and it drove us BONKERS!! LOL We are thrilled now with what we have. :001_smile:
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Why is he using you as an unpaid sitter? Why not take his son with him? And at 16, seems to me the boy could pitch in and do laundry too.
:iagree: and :grouphug: I used to hate it when the in laws would visit. I am so grateful that I can say used to. :grouphug:
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I am a Christian. God has given me the earth and it's contents to care for. I am only 1 person and I can only affect my immediate surroundings. Saying that I will only give up my stuff to help someone if God tells me to is a cop out no matter what your religion is, IMO. If you truly beleive that those with more should give all excess to feed those with less then you are obligated to give your more.
:iagree:I have to agree with you there.
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Seriously, though, it can be a sign of perimenopause
http://www.minniepauz.com/35symptoms.html
*runs before someone hurts her*
Thanks for this link..... I have almost all of those symptoms.
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I forget what its called, but it can be a side effect of menopause.
wow- I hope so!!! LOL
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I voted other. If you drank tea unsweetened, then it may be healthier. However, if you drink tea the way I do it most certainly is not healthier. LOL :lol:
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Here is mine if you are interested:
6 cups warm water
1 cup olive oil (can use butter or regular veg oil)
1 cup honey (can use sugar instead and can use less of either)
3 tbsp yeast
1tbsp salt
1/4 cup wheat gluten
@15 cups whole wheat flour (I grind my own but you can use store bought)
Mix all the ingredients and half the flour. Then knead in the rest of the flour, a little at a time, until a soft dough. Cover and let rise until double. Punch down, shape into loaves and put into 4 loaf pans. Cover and let rise @ 45 min and bake for 30 min at 350. Brush with butter when warm ( not necessary but sooo good lol
I have a bosch but used a KA for years. This could also be done by hand.
Thanks! :001_smile:
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1 c. milk
1/4 c. molasses
1 tbsp. butter
1/2c. warm water, 105-115 degrees
4 c. sifted all purpose flour
2 tbsp. milk for glaze
1 1/2 c. cold water
2 tbsp. light brown sugar
1 tbsp. salt
2 pkgs. active dry yeast
5 c. unsifted whole wheat flour
Bring milk and cold water to a boil in a small saucepan. Off heat, mix in molasses, sugar, butter and salt; cool to lukewarm. Place lukewarm water in a warm large mixing bowl and sprinkle in yeast. Stir cooled mixture into yeast, then beat in all purpose flour, 1 cup at a time. mix in whole wheat flour, 1 cup at a time. Place dough in a buttered large bowl, cover with cloth and let rise about 1 hour in a warm draft free place until doubled in bulk. Punch dough down and stir briefly (it will be stiff). Divide dough in half and pat firmly into 2 well greased 9"x5"x3" loaf pans, rounding tops a little; brush tops with milk to glaze. Cover and let rise about 45 minutes until almost doubled in bulk. When loaves are risen, preheat oven to 400 degrees. Bake 20 minutes, reduce oven to 375 degrees and bake 45 to 50 minutes longer or until richly browned and hollow sounding when tapped. Turn loaves out immediately and cool on wire racks.
Any more problems I need to solve?
Thanks!!;)
My Parents Drugged Me author unknown
in General Education Discussion Board
Posted
so what about murderers and such?? they shouldn't be "drug" off to jail when they commit their crimes?? not trying to be snotty, I am wondering. :confused: