[Cake decorators, I have a ?]

Hello- I am a Wilton Method Instructor and have been for about 2 years now- maybe a little longer. I have been doing cakes about as long as I have been teaching- long story there and for another time maybe. :001_smile: I would say that it has been very rewarding teaching. I enjoy decorating and I have enjoyed making cakes for my family and friends. But I have really enjoyed teaching others and helping them learn the craft too. :001_smile:

[Adopting a child older than bio children?]

Well, I am a devoted follower of Christ and I do not see anything in this verse for which one can condemn anyone else for the choice of removing a disturbed child from a family setting that is a tragedy in the making! There is nothing in the Bible that says, "Hey, when an eight year old child decides to stab your three year old with the butcher knife, you are a sinner if you try to find residential care so that your little one is protected."

 

Just because Abbie5 hasn't dealt with it, doesn't mean it isn't happening. The Bible says, Make Love your Aim and the greatest of these is "Charity" which translates "love" in modern English. Just because you haven't experienced a child that mentally deranged, it doesn't mean that for some families, the most loving thing they can do, is send a predatory child to a residential treatment center.

 

"And it's all by God's Grace"....well, God imparts his grace to each and sometimes he give them the grace to know that it is okay to admit that the child needs more help than what can be provided within the family unit.

 

This may offend Abbie5, but there but for the Grace of God go I.., you should be eternally grateful that your son is not as disturbed as some of the children that adoptive parents have dealt with and you should extend grace and mercy to those who have clearly had to go through things you do not understand. There is no sin here.

 

Faith, a former respite care giver who has been on the receiving end of a knife wielding RAD eight year old (who thankfully was tackled from behind by one of his older brothers and PTL no one was injured), who has held a RAD child wrapped in a sheet while he screamed and kicked for more than two hours until I was utterly, physically and mentally at my last end and didn't think I'd be able to continue the fight though the child was determined to kill himself, who has interuppted a RAD child from attempting to strangle to death the family pet, who used to want to adopt a child until she did RAD respite care for her dear friends......I've been in the trenches just enough to know I would not be pointing the finger at anyone for institutionalizing a RAD child. If anything, I would congratulate them on taking a horrifically difficult decision that might just save the life of one of their family members or others in the community.

:iagree: I really could not have put that better myself. After I read the comments written by Abbie5 (I believe), I started to write a response to her myself.. but you said it VERY well. Thanks!

[Essential Oils]

I hope I dont break any rules about advertising, if I do, I am only writing this to share considering what the OP asked. I use doTerra. They are awesome. Feel free to check it out at http://www.mydoterra.com/stellaluvsoils

 

Stella

[Adopting a child older than bio children?]

This is very important to point out. If you are looking at what causes RAD, premature babies have very high incidences of RAD. Children that had medical problems and endured lots of pain and poking at early ages are at high risk for RAD. Drugs and Alcohol in utero can have RAD. If the mother was injured while pregnant (such as in domestic violence), RAD can be a real result. Adoptive families talk about RAD the most, or so it seems, simply because it is so prevalent in 'our community'.

 

You also need to know there are degrees of RAD. It can be mild and remediated thru therapy or it can be most severe and the child need to be institutionalized to protect self and others. Unfortunately, in the beginning, you don't know which ou are bringing home.

 

 

It would be so WONDERFUL if this existed. When we adopted, we had NO idea what RAD was/is. Wish we would have known.

 

~Stella

[Adopting a child older than bio children?]

Unfortunately, (and this is what no one involved with adoption wants to really admit) there are children who simply are too damaged to ever live in a family. They do not need a family--they can't handle it. They need a highly structured, therapeutic setting that no functional family should have to provide. They need fresh staff every 8-12 hours who can handle all that these kids dish out and remain in a therapeutic mindset, they need more therapy than most families can afford to pay for, they need protection from themselves...

 

I totally agree with this comment. I thought we had more than enough love for our 5 adopted children. I wish I realized then that they needed way more than love.

 

~Stella

[Adopting a child older than bio children?]

Seven years ago, we adopted two kids from an orphanage. The paperwork said that they'd lived with their bio mom until her death and had only come to the orphanage after her death. On PAPER, it appeared that they'd been raised in a family before placement at the orphanage. The older child, who was 8 when we adopted her, SEEMED like a sweet, loving child when we met her. The reality was that she'd been neglected, abused and sexualized before placement in the orphanage. Five years after adoption, after counseling, and more counseling, and structure and love and meds and therapists and parenting classes and experts, she threatened to kill me. She had five different ways in mind...

 

My bio dd suffered terribly while she was here. Luckily, she was twice the size of her sister, so she was not physically abused by her. Mentally, though, the time her sister lived here took a HUGE toll.

 

I remember the feeling of falling in love with the child you want to adopt before you've even met him. We did the same thing. Unfortunately, you're falling in love with a child you assume is like your children -- loving, eager to learn, kind, caring. This child *may* be that way, or he may not be. Sometimes, the abuse and neglect and trauma change the child forever. That was the case with our adopted daughter. She was no longer a loving, parent-able child. Instead, she was violent, aggressive, and had psychotic breaks. She lied, she ran away, and she manipulated -- all while appearing to be the sweetest, most responsible, most loving kid to her friends, teachers and non-family members.

 

Talking on Skype or meeting him in person will not tell you if he has issues. EVERY kid with RAD I've ever met (and I've met probably a hundred!) was charming and adorable. A meeting will tell you very little, IMO.

 

Sorry to be a downer, but you need to consider the possible realities. Adopting this child could be a wonderful thing for your family. Or, it could be the thing that changes your younger two forever. :(

 

Lisa

This is so true! My adopted children have all been thought of by outsiders as perfect little angels. Ofcourse those people had no idea what we were going through!!