Melissa Louise
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Posts posted by Melissa Louise
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Reported..
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Terrible.
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Just piggybacking on mention of news clips - be really careful of social media at this time.
There are videos circulating of female r*pe victims, including desecration of their bodies after death, and some of the videos open automatically.
You don't want to see some of this stuff.
The Guardian, The BBC, Al-Jazeera all have live blogs which are a better option than social media.
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About 18 hours ago.
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Just now, Indigo Blue said:
That’s a good question. I’m struggling with that.
Hugs.
There isn't one, really.
Just be discerning about what you are seeking. It's easy to think we are seeking justice, when what we are seeking is a greater level of comfort.
I know it's not as easy as don't go to church and just have a personal relationship with God/s/the Divine.
I mean, on one hand, it is. On the other, though - at the interpersonal, historic, cultural level, not so much.
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What is a compromise on justice?
Eta no need to answer.
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Make the gatherings activity based, so conversation has somewhere to land that isn't interpersonal.
I don't have the issue with offspring lying, but as I read I thought of a different issue I dealt with in an adult child, and how the answer was more validation (not less) and no critique (even well meant).
Switching to a validation only relationship has healed something in that child.
I experience giving validation as just letting my love for this child shine through and be the dominant mode of relating regardless of whatever else is going on.
That may or may not be relevant to you - only sharing because it came up strongly for me as I thought on your post. Feel free to disregard.
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And I'll also just point out that the Christian religion, like the other big religions, are pretty much baked in patriarchy.
You can have nicer looking patriarchy (I've published in journals of feminist Catholicism, I know how to pretty it up), and uglier patriarchy - but honestly - think of the language - Father and Son.
Maybe ask a church how they refer to God. If they're like, 'Mother, Daughter and Spirit, of course!' you've actually run into a church that is trying to become less systemically bigoted against those who are not (straight) men.
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6 hours ago, Indigo Blue said:
Thanks for these replies. I may reply more later, but for now I just want to explain that, in this case, it is all about persecution of LGBTQ. This has been the topic of many sermons. He seems fixated. I am sure he has always been this way.
This isn’t the only problem. It isn’t even the thing that split the church. There have been many problems. I’m just focusing on his obsession with fighting tolerance in church as in the acceptance of certain minorities. This is something I see, and that I object to, personally. I have actually personally witnessed him make judgmental comments on two different people on two different occasions. So, I am positively sure he is bigoted and also toxic in other ways.
It's pretty easy to know which Christian denominations are inclusive of gay people and which ones aren't (most of 'em).
So don't be wasting time on second guessing individuals, just look to the policy (sorry, don't know what to call it in church context - doctrine?)
Can your gay neighbor rock up at church, and be treated the same as your straight neighbour, including being able to be married in the church? No? Aw, they can have a special 'blessing'? Yeah, still homophobic.
Don't just (general you) look for the right noises to be made from the pulpit.
Most churches do not challenge homophobia (or sexism) at a systemic level.
If that really matters to you, and it's not a matter of comfort at what a minister says from the pulpit - well, your pickings will be quite slim.
I mean, if it was me, I'd just call up and have a chat.
Hey, can women be ministers/priests in this church?
Do you marry gay people?
No? No? (Or a combo of yes/no) - Ok, bye, not for us.
You can have a relationship with the Divine outwith a church.
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Hands and knees for mine, pushing just happened.
First baby it was maybe 20 min, second baby less than 5 min, third baby I got really fed up and honestly don't even remember it, cos I was tired and cranky and over the whole thing. It wasn't long.
I was really lucky that I could have my babies in a birth centre, so no staying on the bed, monitoring etc.
Also v lucky that they were all a good size for me and in good positions.
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Hope the gig is a mood booster and helps you keep on keeping on.
The longer you look, the harder it is to look. I get it.
Applying is a job in itself, and then you need to marshal your internal resources to manage rejections.
Sending some encouragement your way. Take a breath, and keep going. The UTI won't be helping, so hopefully once that's improved, you will get a boost from feeling better too.
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Speaking of misogyny - 'DV doesn't count in child custody cases'.
It's naked and baring its teeth in Family Court.
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1 minute ago, Not_a_Number said:
But I think we're just talking past each other, too, @Melissa Louise. I think you have basically purely moral objections. Whereas I'm coming at this more from the perspective: "Do I think that the audience had a huge impact on how the couples interacted?" and I figure it probably didn't have too much of one (although of course it had some), and that feels fine to me. But I think that to you, it feels unethical by definition.
Yeah, a code of ethics is there for a reason - it's not pick and choose.
I think it is very easy to underestimate the extent to which an audience impacts on what is felt and said.
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1 minute ago, Not_a_Number said:
Interesting.
My gut reaction is that this concept seems more relevant to individual than couples therapy. Having done sessions both with and without DH, they felt very different, in terms of privacy. Having DH there meant that real life intruded on the session. At least it did for me. An individual session feels much more "time out of time."
I understand what you're saying, though. I don't agree, but I get the objection.
No, ethics apply to couples therapy as well!
It's not really 'my' objection - it's part of a code of ethics, to uphold patient/s privacy and confidentiality.
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10 hours ago, marbel said:
I have been acquainted with a family in this situation. Parents have been separated for years while living in the same house. They continued to live together due to costs and one child's autism. I can't say it has been good, at least for the other child, who has some mental health issues - which of course may not have been caused/exacerbated by the living situation, but certainly can't have been helped by it. But apparently there is a lot of anger/animosity present in the home. Or was, we have been out of touch for a while now.
This was my experience in the last few years of two of my kids and their friends living here.
I don't bother with self recrimination, because if there had been viable options, I'd have taken them.
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2 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:
Well . . . I don't know. It didn't scan like that to me. Why do you think it wouldn't be therapy because there's an eventual audience?
Because therapy ( as opposed to education or skills or supportive counselling or whatever) is about building relationship with one another in the absolute privacy of the therapy room.
I understand that it's interesting and intriguing and provides a glimpse into a therapy-like experience, and there is nothing wrong with people watching. Or taking part. The ethics violation is all on the part of the therapist, nobody else.
Reputable and experienced psychotherapists disagree on a lot but NOT on the importance of the frame, one aspect of which is the privacy of the room and the hour.
If you're interested in the concept of the frame, and how it provides psychological safety for a patient, there's a lot out there.
Filming and broadcasting, even with consent, violates the frame from the very beginning.
For the same reason, therapists ought not to talk about their patients on social media.
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I don't think the couples are victims, necessarily.
The ethics issue is all on the therapist's side.
It's not really about consent at all - it's about bending the frame so egregiously that what you provide is not really therapy.
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3 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said:
See, I look at that picture and see all the dinners that haven't been served up yet.
I'm a philistine. 😂
Ah, spiritual sustenance, physical sustenance, all part of the same thing!
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@wathe that is my home screen now - thanks!!
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25 minutes ago, Scarlett said:
Was your friend in a relationship with him during that time?
Yes, but the parents were separated.
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Social democracy, baby!
The least worst of all the bad ways of governing a nation.
High taxes, but you get a lot for them.
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5 hours ago, TechWife said:
Nope. I think the entire idea is exploitive and repugnant.
I've mentioned this elsewhere, but yes, I think it's unethical of the therapist/s.
Not of the viewers! Viewers are not bound by a code of ethics, and neither are the people receiving the therapy.
I've also mentioned this elsewhere, but I've heard from psychotherapists that fiction can do as good a job of letting people 'see into' the process of therapy. The TV series, In Treatment, has been recommended as having particular verity, though it dramatizes and condenses the more usual patient arcs.
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Yes, my friend's partner cohabited with his son's mother till the son turned 18 - he was not in a relationship with the mother.
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I'm looking at shared housing - I'm not picky (I am, I don't want to share with males unknown to me).
It's as expensive to rent a room near to where I work as it was to rent a whole (small) apartment about five years ago.
But anyway, housing is a not-working thing, and this thread is for things that are working, so I'll leave that one there. Just wanted to say, the housing crisis here is not people being picky and wanting a mansion.
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Israel
in The Chat Board
Posted
260 bodies found at a music festival.
Terrorism.