2squared
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Posts posted by 2squared
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1 hour ago, Laurel-in-CA said:
Honestly, she can just email the advisor and ask for a list of checking, savings, and investment accounts she is a signer on and the balance, and a list of accounts she is a beneficiary on and the balance. Just a list. That's a start.
Does somebody file bank statements? If so, she could get a copy of the statement for each account from their files at home.
I would ask the accountant for the 2021 tax return. She would have signed it, and it sounds like she signed it without understanding their financial position.
Now that I think about it, I electronically sign for dh, so he doesn’t see our tax returns. However, if they have immense wealth, I am certain a professional is preparing the returns and the professional would require her approval.
Either way, her name is on the return. She has legal right to it.
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1 hour ago, Scarlett said:
That trip isn’t happening until next year and I think she needs to know more now. And they live about a 5 hour drive to their financial guy.. she can’t just pop in. But she can ask her son for some info. And she can go look at some things in his office.
She absolutely can meet with him remotely. The tools we have today should create seamless interactions between advisors and clients.
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Seems like this may be an opportunity for the family to understand sports culture a little bit clearer. Like a PP said, if a coach told my kid he would be sitting on the bench after missing a practice, I would clearly understand the coach did not approve of that choice, and I would have explained that to my kid. A coach would not bench a player for an excused absence.
I don’t know what level of play this is, but part of the sports culture and the coach’s job is to set expectations for the entire team. He can’t effectively practice and coach if kids feel free to randomly miss practices, similar to kids missing classes in school. Hopefully these expectations were explicitly communicated at the beginning of the season, but if not, they are pretty standard expectations for competitive teams
By 12yo, on most competitive teams, players are working for starting positions and playing time. Our sports teams have “optional” practices. My middle DS thought those practices were truly optional, but he has since learned that kids who don’t attend optional practices are kids who don’t play. My oldest four kids have been on varsity squads by 13/14yo (jr high can play varsity in my state), so 12yo teams are competitive teams for us.
I guess I wouldn’t say anything to the coach because I would expect him to be disappointed with the missed practice. I think the miss here is the OP’s son not understanding the full picture of what getting benched means to the coach. As OP said, the kid would have made a different decision if he had known the coach would be disappointed by his decision.
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Sigh. My ODS plans on moving into the dorm soon for his freshman year. Due to mental health issues, we aren’t confident he will move in, but if he does, we also aren’t confident he will be able to stay. His roommate has no idea, and probably won’t unless dh has a breakdown. He can hide his struggles so well to the outside world.
This isn’t relevant to your situation, but I really, really feel bad for his roommate. There’s a good chance DS will bail on him or be very difficult to live with. Ugh. The situation is unbelievably stressful for us for so many reasons. We have lived with this stress for over a year now. It has aged all of us.
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23 hours ago, Corraleno said:
Does the instructor tell you to lie and claim your DD is just "practicing" and not having a lesson?
None of my kids have ever had a private lesson, in any activity (music, art, sports, riding) that was not 1:1. To me, four students with one instructor is, by definition, a group lesson, not a private lesson. The gym I used to belong to has lots of open space, as well as multiple large rooms with mirrors that people can just go in and use when there are no classes happening (for example several people could go in and do yoga together as long as there's not a class scheduled at that time).
My dd is taking private volleyball lessons. Three-four people in the lesson is definitely not a group lesson since group lessons would be an entire team. They need more than one person in the lesson because they need someone to set and block when she’s hitting. When she’s receiving, she needs someone to hit or serve to her. If it was just her and a coach, the lessons would be very limited.
As far as how we communicate the lessons, the coach reserves the space and she does not advertise what she is doing in the space or who she is doing it with. It’s no one’s business as long as we are reserving the space appropriately. She has asked us to keep the lessons private information, and we have respected that request. I understand why she has made that request, and the request doesn’t mean what she’s doing is immoral or nefarious.
OP has said she doesn’t think the wording of lessons vs practice has an ulterior or immoral purpose. Without more information, I’m surprised everyone assumed the worst.
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7 hours ago, Corraleno said:
This is for a private lesson, not a class, there's no indication that the coach reserved any space, and the families were specifically told to tell the gym staff that they were just "practicing," not having a $40 private lesson from someone who doesn't work there. I used to belong to a fancy gym with prices similar to what the OP reported, and there is no way they would allow someone who doesn't work there to give private classes or lessons that were not officially part of the gym's programming (with a significant cut of the fees going to the gym of course). If the instructor were "renting space from the gym" for classes, then the gym would know she was teaching there and there would be no need for parents to lie about it, they could just say "We're here for our lesson with Coach ___."
In my world, a private lesson isn’t 1:1, and I have to believe coach would need to reserve some type of space at the facility. Without a reservation, she couldn’t promise to actually have space when she needs it.
My 14yo has been taking private lessons this summer. Her private lessons are 1:1 sometimes, but usually 1:4. The instructor reserves gym space, but I pay for the space as well as the instructor’s hourly fee. -
5 minutes ago, freesia said:
Because the coach told the OP to tell the club they were there to practice and not to say they were having lessons.
I get that, but I am sure the coach worked out the language with the facility. These lessons/practices aren’t going to be a secret from the facility. I assume positive intent and alignment between facility and coach.
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Why is everyone jumping to negative assumptions about the coach? I have to believe the facility knows she is teaching a class, and they worked together to determine the best pricing and language for liability purposes. The facility will clearly see the coach is teaching a class. It’s not going to go unnoticed after she reserves the space and is leading a class of 10+ 7yos doing whatever the sport is.
I wouldn’t worry about “keeping things even” for all your kids in regards to time and $. Even in our family means everyone is given opportunities to pursue their passions, but it does not mean the same money and time is spent on each person. I have two kids who are very competitive, and we spend quite a bit more on time and money on their activities, but not at the expense of everyone else. It’s a give-and-take for everyone. -
I would be surprised if an employer outright promised a promotion while hiring a new employee. I would expect language to the effect of, “this is the next step” or “this is the direction I would like to go,” but not 100% you will be promoted at x time. Employers don’t know if new employees will succeed in the roles they are hired into, much less if they would be automatically ready for promotion.
I also would be surprised if any employer could make a detailed, specific list of items that needed to be done for an employee to be ready for a promotion. So much of performance and skills are subjective and not checklist, and promotions are usually evaluated versus other employees.
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On 7/10/2022 at 7:57 PM, Kassia said:
@2squaredI'm so sorry about the mental health issues.
Thanks. This is, by far, the most difficult thing I have ever dealt with.
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I took my 17yo (at the time) to the dermatologist, and the Derm gave him meds which definitely helped. Ds won’t use acutane, so we are fortunate the antibiotics are working. The meds take 3-4 months to work, so I wouldn’t wait very long before going to a dermatologist….And Derm appointments where I live are booked 3-4 months out. I would schedule something now so you have an appointment if things don’t clear up.
My DS is has a very healthy diet. As a dedicated athlete, he’s very particular about his body health. His acne took off last August when he was wearing a football helmet for hours every day in the summer heat. I really wish I had gotten him into the dermatologist as soon as we saw the acne spread. In my son’s case, the acne pushed us into severe mental health issues. Nearly a year later, the acne is under control but the mental health issues are still severe.
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I don’t think we would let our young teen go. An overnight trip is too much pressure for so many reasons, but my young teens also aren’t ready to spend that much time with a boyfriend/girlfriend. It would definitely be too serious too quickly for them (and their parents).
Like other posters, I would be disappointed to be put in a position to make a decision about an overnight. If it was a situation where the larger group was staying overnight but I could pick my kid up after the first day’s activities, then that would work much better for us.
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5 hours ago, Ausmumof3 said:
If it’s logistical stuff send a follow up text with date/time to confirm the conversation. My dh became less like this after a job change massively reduced his stress levels. I think he was already maxed out and couldn’t take on board what I was saying. I’m not sure if that’s relevant here but just throwing it in there just in case.
This is me. I forget conversations or answers to questions I’ve asked quite often. I’m not actively trying to forget and in fact I want to know the information (evidenced by me asking again), but I truly think I just have too much activity in my head to take in and retain additional information sometimes. I can’t even remember my own stuff, much less info others are telling me. I try to compensate by tightly controlling our family calendar and asking for the info via text or email.
Work stuff or personal to-dos pop in my head throughout the day, and I immediately send myself reminder emails because I know I won’t remember again. Same for the grocery store. I might run for milk, but I send myself my grocery list in a text so I don’t forget once I get there.
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12 hours ago, Farrar said:
For kids who are really on the ball, the whole thing is DONE by Halloween of senior year. I think that shocks a lot of people. But most early action deadlines are Nov 1. And you want to get applications in at rolling admission schools earlier if possible. So while some students may have deadlines that are later and while it's not too late, even in the spring, to find a college... if you do it "right" then you're done or close to it by Halloween.
In other words, summer before senior year is key for list, testing if you haven't done it, writing that main essay, etc. Because they need to focus on classes in the fall.
My oldest made her decision around Nov of her senior year, and her stress level was noticeably relieved after making the decision.
My second didn’t make his decision until graduation which could have caused him to lose out on scholarship opportunities. Fortunately, he had applied to his final choice in earlyish fall so he did receive academic $. His timeline was solely driven by sports recruiting (Covid screwed him big time) and I understand why, but I still wish he had made his decision in the fall.
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My dh gets car sick and he likes driving, so drives most of the time. I’m glad since I don’t like driving, and I do like surfing the internet on my phone.
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Oldest boys:
18yo - 6’1”, 180lbs, 10.5 shoe size
15yo - 6’1”, 165lbs, 14 shoe size
18yo wears regular socks, 15yo wears nonstandard size socks. Foot length is the difference. -
My daughters use Vera Bradley backpacks.
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I don’t think kids formally exchange phone #’s. My teens add each other on Snapchat and then they snap or message through Snapchat. They follow each other on instagram and Snapchat, which is a lot of how they keep connected outside of in person interactions.
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Promposal pics are in the yearbook, so it’s not something the kids skip
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16 minutes ago, Farrar said:
I get the agreed to promposal thing - that's like how you're talking with your SO about marriage and you're both basically on board, but nothing's super official, and then someone stages a proposal. Same thing but for a high school couple. Like, duh, of course you're going to prom with your romantic partner, but the ask is meant to be fun. That seems fine. I mean, silly, but it's teenagers.
But are there really proms where people have to be paired up to even attend! I've never heard of such a thing.
Exactly. I don’t think anyone should do a promposal without knowing the other person is going to say yes. That’s way too much pressure and social risk. The promposal is supposed to be a fun surprise, not an actual question.
I think the same about engagements. No one should pop that question if the couple hasn’t already discussed marriage.
Students at our high school can attend prom without dates, but they cannot participate in the grand march without a date. The grand march is a BIG DEAL, so everyone is pressured to find a date. I really wish going to prom with a group of friends was a thing. Most/many of the dates are friend agreements, so I guess the kids figure it out.
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2 minutes ago, kristin0713 said:
What do you mean by *you* hate making the promposals?
Well….my son came up with his idea and helped a lot with his promposal, but there’s no way my boys have the creativity or skills to make decent promposals on their own. The goal is to have a fun promposal, not an embarrassment for giver and receiver, lol. Also, it’s a lot of work!
My 13yo and I just made a promposal for my son’s best friend. He had the idea, he was here while we made it, and he offered to help, but the outcome was much better without his help.
I think the promposal thing is over-the-top in many ways, but the kids are doing it. If my kid (or friends) ask for help, I’m not going to turn them down because I think the concept is silly. The would be a jerk move, at least in our family.-
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I don’t like the promposals either, but at our school, both parties agree yes before the promposal happens.
Our school requires a two personal couple for the grand March, so everyone is paired up. No one attends solo or solo in a big group.
I hate making the promposals. We’ve done two so far with many more in our future.
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Like others, I don’t ask my teens questions which I believe they feel they can’t answer honestly. I provide advice and guidance, but they need to make their own decisions and mistakes. I am not the judge of them, and I am NOT going to have them think I judge them.
I work to keep the communication channels open so they feel comfortable coming to me with all their stuff, even the stuff I don’t want to know about. I also work to make sure they feel unconditional love.-
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I’m a hiring manager, and I like hiring older and younger employees. I can easily find benefits to both, and I really enjoy having a people with a variety of background experiences on my team. You might need to go through a bunch of interviews to find the right fit, but I think that’s pretty typical regardless of age.
With the labor shortage, I’m desperate for good people!
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Confused about this food situation with SIL
in The Chat Board
Posted
My MIL is similar in that she will assign us food to bring, and then she will have already provided our item plus far more other food. For instance, we are supposed to bring two apple pies. We show up and she already has three other types of pies, so we end up taking most of what we brought home.
We solved the issue by bringing either minimal of what she asks or nothing. My dh hates the over abundance of food, so we oftentimes end up taking nothing. I’m OK with it. If she really wanted the help with food, she wouldn’t prepare all the xtra stuff.