QuirkyKapers
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Posts posted by QuirkyKapers
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How far away do you think you will be moving? Maybe you could meet at a park halfway?
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Oh boy. I would stick with meeting somewhere else. It doesn't sound like saying anything directly to her about your concerns will make a difference.
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I don't with children in the neighborhood. One thing I learned quickly is that the neighbors don't let other children in their home nor do they give snacks. So, I modeled this. Especially since a parent came to me upset that I was giving snacks and let me know they have food. They can feed their own children.
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No, it impacts the entire team and their performance. The teams end up having to find fill in players from other situations and it makes it more difficult to have good team interaction when the players don't know each others skills from previously playing together or from practice.
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I would stop having her over. period. I would only meet her at a park or pool depending on where you live. This is a perfect time to just tell her the kids have been cooped up all winter and they want to get outside somewhere other than your home. Don't make it an option to be at your house, even if it is raining. We will be at x location from x to x time. Feel free to join us. If she calls to come over, nope you are so busy with summer activties, pool, beach, park that when you are home you are getting house together and it doesn't work to have company over.
Just curious, what happens when you go to her house?
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Wow! That sounds great. Can we see a sample?
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I never tried to have it spiral bound, but I was trying to figure out if it could be hole punched and put in a binder.
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Friends of ours were driving to a doctor appointment. Unfortunately, there was a driver swerving back and forth across the road. It hit their car. The wife was killed. The driver told the police he was having car problems and was taking it to get fixed.
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How about sticky fly paper on top of the fence? Or something sticky. That wouldn't hurt. Or could you add a wood lattace above and start growing those viney flowers?
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I'm sorry for your loss. I am glad that you were able to be with your dad until he passed. :grouphug: :grouphug: as you work through the changes happening in your life now that he is gone.
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And just to throw in another wrinkle. Just because things are mutually agreed upon now, doesn't mean good feelings will always be there. For me, things got very difficult when my ex remarried and that woman interfered with our happy arrangement. It was a nightmare. He needs to protect himself and get everything in writing. Do what is best for the child, follow the standard requirements for custody. Since there is no alimony in TX, he should not be agreeing to paying her rent. She could get a boyfriend who may move in with her and he'll be supporting the two of them. I'd find out the state's recommendation for child support and not offer more than that. He'll need money to support himself and his child. It doesn't seem fair, but divorce isn't easy.
:iagree: My friend thought things could be worked out amiably. They had talked, but after a few months, tide turned. I agree with getting a lawyer now. What someone says now can change down the road especially if a new person enters the picture.
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Nice! Congratulations! :party:
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It is offical. Today was our last day of school. Yipee! I think I am more exctied than the kids. I didn't think I was going to make it through the year once March hit. :party: Time for a celebratory drink. Whose with me?
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Oh Jean, how worrisome! Praying. :grouphug:
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Sounds like a crazy week. Would they listen if your dh talked with them?
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I read this good book when I was first trying to work out the neighborhood stuff called, "The Unwritten Rules of Friendship: Simple strategies to help your make friends" by Natalie Madorsky Elman, Ph.d.
This happens here too. The kids prefer to play with child a, but child a isn't available so they come to play with child b. If they happen to see child a around, they promptly leave. To be honest, my kids really don't care if that happens. But, I tell you this to let you know unfortuntely, it is fairly normal I think.
You can't control other children's behavior. but you can set boundaries about play at your house and have house rules. The best thing to do is teach your children how to respond. I would encourage other friendships since they are being excluded. I would talk about what makes good friendships, what is it about those boys that they like? How does it compare to their other friendships? As you start having other friendships in the neighborhood and outside of the neighborhood, it will lesson the impact of excluding behavior from some kids. It is a fact that not everyone will get along with each other or click. It happens with adults. I also think it is helpful to talk about how friendships change, new friends are made, some friends aren't as good of friends as they used to be, interests change etc. This also happens with adults.
I wouldn't have your boys talk about hurt feelings, in my experience, the other kids won't give a flying flip. Again, what is the control your children have in the situation? Help them find it. Help them find their assesertive voice so they don't feel like they are being walked all over. It might mean having them tell those kids when they come over, I don't want to play because x,y z happens. I always told my son, you can always leave when things go bad. You don't owe them an explanation, you can just say, I'm done, bye. The kids here love to try and get a reason so they can argue. I told my kids, you don't owe more than I am leaving, they want an answer so they can argue. I tell them to just repeat the answer already given. As they are walking away. After answering several times, just keep walking without talking (This is called broken record technique when you just repeat the same answer you gave. You can search it online). If the play is at your home, they can come inside. They can also tell children to leave. If you are there, you can help be a back up. At first, I would have to model leaving by telling my kids, hey time to come in. I would encourage them to come in and not have to be prompted.
I also wouldn't talk to the mom, unless there is bullying and you have intervened and the behavior won't stop. If this is happening at other people's homes, you aren't going to have much say in what is happening other than to restrict playing with some children to your own home. If play is at your house and bullying behavior is happening, you can address it. Your house. Your rules. You don't like it. Leave. If it is happening a lot, swearing, hitting and after having tried addressing it at your home, than I would talk to the mom. However, if you have no relationship, negative feedback will probably go over like a lead balloon. Again, as your children get older, hopefully they find their voice and can feel free to tell the kids to leave.
I feel for you. One thing I have learned is that there are good times in the neighborhood and things can be great for awhile but there inevitably, there will be bullying or swearing and I have to restate the rules and take a break. When it starts to get bad, it tis time to briefly change the activities we are doing. Basically, a time out from the neighborhood. When I am ready to deal again, than I have kids over. Usaully, after having had a break, the kids all play much better again. I have also learned that about 45 minutes to an hour is all my kids can usually play in some situations before it all goes downhill.
:grouphug: :grouphug: Obviously these are things that I have learned from behavior in my neighborhood and they might not work in your situation but hopefully it will at least spur some creative thinking so the situation doesn't seem so powerless.
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The first thing I thought was that is one sexy mama packin' some heat. My second is the girl is so young. The last was so if the law doesn't protect you, you can take matters in your own hands.
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Oh wow! Glad he is o.k.
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Well, I don't know about the saving water part......cause I tend to be in the shower with dh a bit longer than when I'm alone. He likes to make sure I'm very clean. :lol:
I bet because being clean is very, very important and takes a very, very long time ;)
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My dh will come in and talk to me when I am taking a bath. My kids don't really notice. So, I don't think it is weird.
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You need a nightlight on for yourself so you can see.
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Awesome find!
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Thanks for the update. How very sad. :(
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I had a talk with my niece who was dating someone abusive and pretty much had moved in with him. She told me he hit her. I never told her to leave but I did tell her make sure that whatever she did in life, make sure she wasn't settling because she didn't think she can do something or wasn't good enough. I told her my concern about that behavior was that what was happening now, would just get worse/amplified the longer they were together. I than talked to her about what I saw in her that I thought were strengths and positive qualities. I talked to her about making sure that if she didn't want to live at home anymore, there were other choices that she could make in regards to living situations, like living on campus. I also told her be careful not to just make choices to get you out of one situation that wasn't that great into another that might not be that great either. I asked her if her mom had ever talked to her about stuff like that. Nope. I didn't do ever thinking that it would be listened too. However, she did end up staying at home and breaking it off with that person. :grouphug:
I would err on the side of talking with her. I would think of how to say it so she could hear what you are saying. What is underneath what the boyfriend is doing is what bothers you and you see that she is worth so much more. Tell her how you love her and what you love. Let her know you are there for her. Talk to her about things that make up a healthy relationship and how you have worked it out in yours. Laugh about how you are so glad you don't have to deal with X type of behavior. (you could talk about something that mirrors the manipulative behavior the boyfriend did. If you almost settled for that tell her. I think if you talk about it in terms of yourself, maybe she will think about what you said. She might ask you straight out if you think her boyfriend is a healthy person. Be prepared. What I didn't realize is that my niece had no one in her life that had ever talked to her about choices and how beautiful a person she is. :grouphug:
Help! My friend's kids are animals!
in The Chat Board
Posted
:iagree: I have found that with some people, unfotunately,this doesn't seem to work. No matter what you say, it is turned around and you are the person with the problem, even if you are being blunt but gently explaining how you feel about the situation. I know in situations where I have thought differently about things and mentioned it, some people have turned it around saying things like, you are too uptight, just relax.. etc. etc. The question of course is if it doesn't work to say things, than what kind of friendship is it? Or, even if you can say things but you are brushed off, what kind of friendship is it?