Barton help

[Minerva]

I am doing Barton level 2 with my ds 7. It is frustrating. He dreads reading every day and is frequently on the edge of tears. 

 

I instituted a chocolate chip bribe system recently which has helped some, but honestly he is just frustrated. We get through about one page of exercises a day, and some days, like today, we get through a half a page before he just refuses to go on. 

 

I feel like I am doing a good job of teaching it, following the steps and being supremely patient (on the outside), and keeping it light, but I just don't feel like it is sustainable with his level of frustration so high. After about five to ten minutes of work he is done, upset, and refusing to go on. He says he hates the tiles, hates finger spelling, hates the phrases...I understand that it is hard for him and I am not sure how to slow it down any more than we already are (snails pace). At this rate and with this level of frustration I am not sure he is learning anything. 

 

Please give me some ideas, tips, encouragement. Tell me this is normal (or not). I know that Barton has a forum and I am off to get a gmail account so I can access it, but I needed an instantaneous vent to people I trust.

 

Thanks

[OneStepAtATime]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

How old is your child?  I can't remember.  Did he pass the screening?  Is he resistant in other areas or only Barton?  Can you tell where the stress really lies?  Is it sound letter association?  Or something else?  What evaluations has he had?  I can't remember if you posted about any of this before or not so I apologize in advance if you have.

[Minerva]

My son is seven. He has not been able to have any evals since we live in a country where this is non existent :( . He passed the Barton screening a few months ago and things were fine through Level one. I am not sure what is causing the problem now. I just think it is mentally exhausting for him so he shuts down. He doesn't like the tiles. He doesn't like the steps--checking vowels, checking for balloons or pigs,  finger spelling, phrase sheets, or the fluency warm ups. Every step along the way requires more time to bribe, cajole, encourage...than the actual lesson requires. He is just so resistant. 

 

When we do the lessons with the letter tiles he does fine (other than the resistance). It doesn't seem like the work is actually too hard for him (but maybe it is and this is how he is showing me). It's not like he is making lots of mistakes, so I don't know. He hears the sounds well. He does the work fine. It's almost like all of the little steps are what frustrate him. I try to streamline it by using the same techniques that Susan recommends for teenagers but really he just shuts down. Maybe it's just the wrong program for him?

 

 

[OneStepAtATime]

Maybe.   DD was very resistant during the first two levels.  She was a pre-teen, though, so the whole things seemed insulting to her.  Once she started seeing actual changes in her ability to read and spell, her attitude changes considerably.  

 

Your son may just be having a hard time adjusting to how different this program is.  However, if he really hates every single lesson and fights you at every turn, maybe this is a poor fit.  Without evaluations, it is hard to know if he needs a program like this or something else.  Is it possible for you to contact Susan Barton?  She might have some suggestions.  She is really quite helpful, usually.

 

Sorry this is so frustrating.  How does he do with other academics?

[Minerva]

We are keeping things pretty simple at this point as far as academics go. We do CLE math and math games. We are practicing printing. We do read alouds and he sometimes does science and history with his older sister, but I do not require it. He hates any sit down work and is very strong willed, so I keep it at a happy minimum. FWIW I have a dyslexic husband and daughter. 

 

I will see if there is any help on the Barton forum and will contact Susan Barton too. Thanks for taking the time to listen. Just saying it out loud (or on the screen) helps. 

[OneStepAtATime]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  

 

I know this is hard.  There are no absolute right answers so it makes it really difficult to navigate what to do.  Many times the remediation that a child needs is the thing that is hardest for them to do.  They resist because it IS hard.  At the same, it can often be they are resisting because the material being used is an awful fit.  And it is HARD to know which way to leap.  I am sorry I don't have more concrete answers.  I do have sympathy and empathy.  I wish you all the best.

[Minerva]

Thanks. Yes. This is so true. I believe my son when he tells me it is hard, frustrating, awful, terrible. I believe him when he says he feels like it is beyond him and impossible and so very frustrating...but...but...but..the only way to move forward is to do the hard work. I am not sure how to get there without plugging away, one frustrating day at a time. 

 

The other side of this, that I am just now beginning to understand, is that I am the person in his life that he turns to to soothe his frustration. I am the person who equals love, who believes him, who is the safe harbor, so when I am asking him to do the most frustrating thing in the world, it is a double insult. I realize this is hard for many homeschoolers but especially for those of us who have extra issues. How do we help them push through  while maintaining our position as the person who gets them and understands them.

 

Anyway, just feeling like a little reprieve from the daily grind of being the cheerful, peppy, wonderful (yet totally frustrated) mom/tutor, would be a welcome thing right now. 

 

Thanks again for letting me rant. Hoping tomorrow will be better. 

 

 

[OneStepAtATime]

Thanks. Yes. This is so true. I believe my son when he tells me it is hard, frustrating, awful, terrible. I believe him when he says he feels like it is beyond him and impossible and so very frustrating...but...but...but..the only way to move forward is to do the hard work. I am not sure how to get there without plugging away, one frustrating day at a time. 

 

The other side of this, that I am just now beginning to understand, is that I am the person in his life that he turns to to soothe his frustration. I am the person who equals love, who believes him, who is the safe harbor, so when I am asking him to do the most frustrating thing in the world, it is a double insult. I realize this is hard for many homeschoolers but especially for those of us who have extra issues. How do we help them push through  while maintaining our position as the person who gets them and understands them.

 

Anyway, just feeling like a little reprieve from the daily grind of being the cheerful, peppy, wonderful (yet totally frustrated) mom/tutor, would be a welcome thing right now. 

 

Thanks again for letting me rant. Hoping tomorrow will be better. 

And this is why I relocated myself and my kids several hours away for part of the summer.  I was no longer the person they trusted to cheer them on and get them through.  We hit walls I was not able to help them surmount.  Turning it over, at least for a few weeks, to someone with a lot more experience and knowledge really did help us all.  We still have a long way to go but we will get there.

 

There will be better days.  Just please also stay focused on areas of strength, and that goes for both of you.  Encourage and support outside interests that he may have, but also you, too.  Don't lose yourself in all this.  And definitely help him develop skills in areas that are not directly tied to his areas of struggle.  If he really likes art, get him lessons and supplies (Trade with others or keep an eye out for sales and retired locals that might be interested in teaching for a lower cost, for instance).  If he really likes gardening, give him plenty of time and resources to pursue that.  In the future, it will be his areas of interest, if properly honed and supported, that may carry him through the hard academic times.  Otherwise, he may start to feel like there really isn't any point to life.

[Minerva]

I'm going with you next summer. We can drink margaritas by the pool while someone else waves pom poms, feeds tiny bribes of chocolate, and silently screams inside. 

[OneStepAtATime]

I'm going with you next summer. We can drink margaritas by the pool while someone else waves pom poms, feeds tiny bribes of chocolate, and silently screams inside. 

:laugh:

[PeterPan]

Are you doing short sessions?  At this age, he might do better with 10 minutes 4-6 times a day, rather than a single, longer session.

 

I can't speak to the affection/comfort thing, as my ds doesn't do that.  I guess you're lucky.  Side effect of being socially typical, I guess.  Might be why some psychs tell parents of dyslexics to hire tutors.  You could consider that if the $$ is there.  If not, I suggest some kind of tough love.  We can suck it up and do this for 10 minutes.  I reward effort, not progress, and while we do this I wear my military hat.  When the timer goes off, I put on my mom hat.

 

I'm mean and flat all the time, so I'm no consolation.  In his case, I'd do more, not less, but I'd do really brief sessions and make sure every session was different.  Like first session focus on the phonogram sounds and writing.  Next session blending.  Next session reading a story from a prior lesson or drilling on quizlet.  Next session a game.

 

The Barton tiles are nasty btw.  Try the app or use letter magnets or letter cookies or something, anything different.  We didn't even switch over to the Barton tiles until I think Barton 4.  Not that they're objectively nasty, but they're just small and I'm running out of english words at the moment.  He's 7.  Give him something else to use.  It IS rocket science and this IS wicked hard.  So you know splurge on some other kind of manipulative.  We used a letter magnet set from Lakeshore Learning.  Don't know what you can get where you are.  What I *liked* about using those was that he had to rearrange them, flip them, and really make them his own.  

[merry gardens]

I'm going with you next summer. We can drink margaritas by the pool while someone else waves pom poms, feeds tiny bribes of chocolate, and silently screams inside. 

  :hurray: ( :ack2: )

 

:cheers2:

[OneStepAtATime]

I'm going with you next summer. We can drink margaritas by the pool while someone else waves pom poms, feeds tiny bribes of chocolate, and silently screams inside. 

We can all go together, one big bunch, and hang out periodically for support while retreating to the quiet of our rooms when we need space.  Sounds good to me.  :)  Actually, can we go next week? 

[merry gardens]

...

Anyway, just feeling like a little reprieve from the daily grind of being the cheerful, peppy, wonderful (yet totally frustrated) mom/tutor, would be a welcome thing right now. 

 

 

One thing I really loved about Barton was the cheerful, peppy parts we're written into the script. I just had to read the script.

 

Okay, truth be told, I went off script some days. But not when it came to saying those words of encouragement written into the script, even if I just read it some days in somewhat monotone voice that was clearly just reading words written on a paper. Seeing those words helped train me. Besides helping me to at least give lip-service encourage my son, they reminded me that this is really, really hard work for some people, and they need encouragement.  And reading what you wrote here, I see that you need and deserve encouragement too. Good job!!!! I'm impressed that you are trying to maintain a cheerful attitude even when things get difficult. I'd share a piece of chocolate with you if I could pass it through the internet. 

[merry gardens]

We are keeping things pretty simple at this point as far as academics go. We do CLE math and math games. We are practicing printing. We do read alouds and he sometimes does science and history with his older sister, but I do not require it. He hates any sit down work and is very strong willed, so I keep it at a happy minimum. FWIW I have a dyslexic husband and daughter. 

 

I will see if there is any help on the Barton forum and will contact Susan Barton too. Thanks for taking the time to listen. Just saying it out loud (or on the screen) helps. 

 

 

For whatever it's worth, Barton doesn't have to be done sitting down. My son did the early level of Barton half the time while hanging upside down off the couch. I'd sit on the floor and he'd dangle. White boards with markers still work when held upside down.

 

I used to think my youngest boy was incredibly stubborn and strong willed. Now maybe it's true in a way--he is a hard worker and he doesn't give up easily. But what I thought earlier was stubborn refusal to do things, I now look back on and see that it was his response only when I was asking him to do something that was really, really hard for him to do. 

 

Asking some kids to sit still and work on phonics--even when using materials developed for dyslexia--is hard for some very active children with dyslexia. Using the right materials doesn't mean that the work will necessarily be easy all the time for them or you. Making steady progress often looks more like dancing with two steps forward and then one step back, then forward again only to go backwards, with a little spin. Just like learning complicated dance moves, it gets easier with time.  

[Minerva]

For whatever it's worth, Barton doesn't have to be done sitting down. My son did the early level of Barton half the time while hanging upside down off the couch. I'd sit on the floor and he'd dangle. White boards with markers still work when held upside down.

 

I used to think my youngest boy was incredibly stubborn and strong willed. Now maybe it's true in a way--he is a hard worker and he doesn't give up easily. But what I thought earlier was stubborn refusal to do things, I now look back on and see that it was his response only when I was asking him to do something that was really, really hard for him to do. 

 

Asking some kids to sit still and work on phonics--even when using materials developed for dyslexia--is hard for some very active children with dyslexia. Using the right materials doesn't mean that the work will necessarily be easy all the time for them or you. Making steady progress often looks more like dancing with two steps forward and then one step back, then forward again only to go backwards, with a little spin. Just like learning complicated dance moves, it gets easier with time.  

 

Yes to all of this. Stubborn, hard working and oh so wiggly. Today we ran laps around the house every five to ten minutes (thanks for planting the seed OhE). He did much better once he realized he could coerce me into running around the house with him. He said if it has to be hard for him it has to be hard for me. Fair enough (but it almost killed me). Hopefully this system will last for a little while. 

 

Thanks, ladies, for the great suggestions.

 

Pass the margaritas.  

[PeterPan]

So did they actually help?  :D