CC included: Needing some encouragement and needing to hear...

[Dianne-TX]

...from parents who have already raised their children. I get weary sometimes thinking I'm not doing a "good enough" job. My dc are 8 and 6 and sometimes I get down and anxious that I'm "messing them up". I'm not perfect or even near it and I feel like I fail daily in my attitude and example towards them. I feel guilty that they aren't involved in things that other kids are and wonder if they will rebel because we chose to be "different". I know there's no guarantee and noone can look into my future. But, what are/were some ways you were able to get out of the valley of doubt and negativity? I've got prayer covered! I'm often in prayer and asking the Lord to fill me with Him to get through. I fill myself with His scripture and instruction daily. I know He knows the future and I can't change His plans and purposes. I don't know what I'd do without my relationship with Him! We are believers that know only the Holy Spirit can truly do a work in our children's hearts and lives, but at the same time I feel like I lack in wisdom and tools to be the best parent to guide them. KWIM? Yet, I know that the Bible is the only "tool" I need! :) I guess I'm just really feeling inadequate to do this job. How do you pull yourself up even when you know the answers to your doubts and fears are all answered by the Lord? I'm not doubting Him or not being faithful, but at the same time I feel alone in this walk. :-/ I know I can't be alone in feeling like this or maybe I'm really putting myself out there! :) Thanks for "listening".

[Chris in VA]

Hi Dianne,

I love the scripture that says (paraphrased) "I will whisper in your ear when to turn left and when to turn right."

Allowing God to guide my steps, and rooting out all rebellion from my heart--those are my own goals.

I also have to turn my kids over to him--it is hard to let them experience the consequences of their behavior, because it almost goes against my instinct to protect them. Once I realized I was hindering them in the name of my own comfort (being uncomfortable with the discomfort/anger/whatever that they felt when they had to experience the neg consequences of misbehavior), it became easier to discipline. Once I examined myself and saw what issues in my own heart I needed to deal with, which were often triggered by my kids' "stuff," I became a more confident parent. God is good. He uses our children to refine us! And that makes us better parents. You can only work on/change yourself, because you can't really make other people change (although you can offer multiple opportunities!). As I grow up, I'm better able to help my children grow up.

 

You will wound them, you know. You just will. Some word or action, meant purposefully or not, will stick in their brains and lodge in their hearts, and shape them--but then you have the chance to teach them how to forgive. We need to show them that there is only one Perfect One--so don't be afraid to say I'm sorry when it happens, and expect them to do the same.

 

You are doing the right thing, by seeking God and walking with him. He gives us wise counsel thru others, too, of course. These boards are good sources of information on parenting; you will find a lot of wisdom here. You will also find people that do parenting differently from you--and they are good to listen to, because they help you sift and discern what is truly in line with your own heart.

 

Parenting keeps us humble--for me, it's an "on my knees" kinda humble. I think you've got that quality, by your post. Know that God likes that! But don't be afraid to step confidently into your parenting--take the authority that God gives you, and let your kids see it. You are the boss, and that's because God put you in charge of your kids! It will help them rest in their hearts if you show them your strenghth comes from the Lord.

 

Be encouraged--you are not alone! What great things he has planned for you today!

[Nestof3]

I agree with everything Chris in VA has said.

 

One of the reasons I was scared to have children is because I knew I couldn't do it perfectly, and I didn't want to mess them up. Well, I've done it far from perfectly and messed up horribly.

 

But, I let God work on me and that helped. I was living proof that we all need forgiveness. We just kept trying to follow our convictions and His word with faith -- not listening to the voices that said, "your kids will rebel." We talked a lot -- we always explained why we did what we did.

 

Aaron thanks us time and time again for homeschooling him, for keeping him accountable, for protecting him. And, no, he hasn't rebelled.

 

I'm not implying that there is a formula, but I do believe we should walk in a manner worthy of His calling and apply His word to our daily lives without fear but with faith and confidence.

[Dianne-TX]

I agree with everything Chris in VA has said.

 

One of the reasons I was scared to have children is because I knew I couldn't do it perfectly, and I didn't want to mess them up. Well, I've done it far from perfectly and messed up horribly. Me, too!

 

But, I let God work on me and that helped. I was living proof that we all need forgiveness. We just kept trying to follow our convictions and His word with faith -- not listening to the voices that said, "your kids will rebel." We talked a lot -- we always explained why we did what we did. We do this too! I feel like I'm always explaining, overexplaining a lot just to secure them to be faithful to the Word and honor God in every word and action. I'm encouraged that maturity will happen too.

 

Aaron thanks us time and time again for homeschooling him, for keeping him accountable, for protecting him. And, no, he hasn't rebelled. Oh, what an encouragement!

 

I'm not implying that there is a formula, but I do believe we should walk in a manner worthy of His calling and apply His word to our daily lives without fear but with faith and confidence. Yes! Exactly! Thank you!

 

nft

[Dianne-TX]

Hi Dianne,

I love the scripture that says (paraphrased) "I will whisper in your ear when to turn left and when to turn right."

Allowing God to guide my steps, and rooting out all rebellion from my heart--those are my own goals.

I also have to turn my kids over to him--it is hard to let them experience the consequences of their behavior, because it almost goes against my instinct to protect them. Oh, yes! Once I realized I was hindering them in the name of my own comfort (being uncomfortable with the discomfort/anger/whatever that they felt when they had to experience the neg consequences of misbehavior), it became easier to discipline. Such good advice, Chris. Once I examined myself and saw what issues in my own heart I needed to deal with, which were often triggered by my kids' "stuff," I became a more confident parent. God is good. He uses our children to refine us! That's my daily prayer. Lord, refine me, mold me into who You want me to be. And that makes us better parents. You can only work on/change yourself, because you can't really make other people change (although you can offer multiple opportunities!). As I grow up, I'm better able to help my children grow up. Wow, how I've learned this fact!

 

You will wound them, you know. You just will. Some word or action, meant purposefully or not, will stick in their brains and lodge in their hearts, and shape them--but then you have the chance to teach them how to forgive. We need to show them that there is only one Perfect One--so don't be afraid to say I'm sorry when it happens, and expect them to do the same. My apologies come too often I'm afraid, but I always turn them to God who won't disappoint or have to say I'm sorry to them. I want them to see Him as everything in everything.

 

You are doing the right thing, by seeking God and walking with him. He gives us wise counsel thru others, too, of course. These boards are good sources of information on parenting; you will find a lot of wisdom here. You will also find people that do parenting differently from you--and they are good to listen to, because they help you sift and discern what is truly in line with your own heart. I'm so thankful for all the wisdom that He brings my way, on this board and elsewhere.

 

Parenting keeps us humble--for me, it's an "on my knees" kinda humble. Is there any other way? :) I think you've got that quality, by your post. Know that God likes that! But don't be afraid to step confidently into your parenting--take the authority that God gives you, and let your kids see it. I needed to hear this! You are the boss, and that's because God put you in charge of your kids! It will help them rest in their hearts if you show them your strenghth comes from the Lord. This too. Thank you.

 

Be encouraged--you are not alone! What great things he has planned for you today!

 

You have no idea how much your words encouraged me and convicted me. I struggle with fear and doubt. I have low moments when I don't feel as if I'm "good enough" and fear the future for my kids in many ways. Thanks to Him who has made me good enough and has our future in His hands for me to rest in! Only through Him! Thank you for your words!