kid that doesn't want to do any activities ?

[teachermom2834]

I'm not sure what to do with my 9 yo ds. He is my second child. He is bright, athletic, and pretty social. He is not nearly as athletic or social as his 11 yo brother. I feel like he is a typical middle kid and I worry about him having a complex about his older brother (who is one of those for whom everything comes easy- exceptional athlete, very popular, etc.)

 

I have always believed that kids need an interest or a "thing" as they are getting older. While I don't necessarily believe a 9 yo needs extracurricular activities I do believe that older kids do and lots of these activities are very difficult to get into if you start late.

 

We have done karate, soccer, basketball, baseball, tennis. He has liked all of these things okay (except karate) but hasn't loved anything. He doesn't complain about going but it is clear from his demeanor he'd prefer a rain out. He never wants to practice on his own or with the family. Doesn't hustle, marginal attitude, etc. He basically likes it as long as it is just silliness and playing around but as soon as a coach puts any kind of expectation on him he's over it.

 

I have told him he has to do something. I have offered him everything I could think of (scouts, music, art, academic competitions, book clubs, chess clubs, etc). He says if he has to do something he will play sports but he is driving me crazy with his apathy. I wonder why I am spending this money and running him around to do something he's not even into. he does like sports and will play outside but I feel like he is just lazy when it comes to the organized activity.

 

I told dh that I think he needs the expectation on him these coaches have and that he needs to overcome the laziness/ negative attitude. In a way the fact that we are making him do something even though it is not cheap or convenient may in some way reinforce to him that we love him and are not letting him just be a lump because we know he can do better. This child has amazing potential just a sour attitude in general.

 

Am I wrong to push him to grow up a bit? Am I wrong to insist that he has some sort of activity? Is it really okay for a 9 yo to want to spend his time playing with super hero action figures and nothing else?

 

I know I've rambled and I'm not even sure what my question is. Does anyone have any insight? This kid is so hard to peg sometimes.

 

Marie

[Nestof3]

Am I wrong to push him to grow up a bit? Am I wrong to insist that he has some sort of activity? Is it really okay for a 9 yo to want to spend his time playing with super hero action figures and nothing else?

 

 

I'm not really sure where the need to be involved in "extracurricular" activities came from, but yes, I think it is perfectly fine for a 9 year old to not want to do those. I also think it is perfectly fine that I have no desire to join any club or other sort of experience. I have my family, a few friends, a couple of hobbies I enjoy on my own, and that's that. I don't think it has anything to do with growing up, because I am indeed grown up. :) Oh, and I am anything but lazy. :)

 

Also, he may change his mind in a few years. Relax. :)

[cassiemc]

I have a 9 year old who is pretty much the same. He has done lots of different activities, but doesn't love any of them like my 7 year old does. I do think it's important to get them involved in something. There is a lot to learn from sports and being on a team. I have told my 9 year that he must do something. He can't just sit at home and look at the walls, yk? He's playing baseball right now and seems to like it. After that he wants to try martial arts. I say just keep trying and he will find something he loves to do.

[katemary63]

I have always thought that each kids needs a "thing" too - a thing that they are good at that they do all through their childhood. ( I believe James Dobson calls it the "red thread". ) The reason is that when other things go south, like they loose their best friend, or they fail at some other endeavor - this "red thread" is always there, providing them with a steady sense of accomplishment and enjoyment. For my son, it was his drums. He played sports too, but the drum set was his forte. Banging away on them seemed to make him feel special - it did actually because he was GOOD at it naturally.

 

For my DD23, it was academics and cooking. She excelled at both. For DD17, believe it or not, it was serving. She needed lots of oportunities to serve others like helping mom and dad, teaching Sunday School, working in the homeless shelter and other volunteer work. That's what made her feel special - like she was really good at something - helping others. She is still like that. For DD8, it is 4-H and her horseback riding.

 

I think that is what you should be looking for for your kid and it seems that you have tried to give him a taste of different things. I can see why you'd be frustrated. I can only say I guess I would just keep trying. Maybe a different instrument, a different art form, cooking, 4-H, gardening, robotics?? He's got to love it though. I don't see the point in making a kid do a sport that he doen't like. However, I would insist on regualar exercise. Give him different options for regular exercise and if HE picks the sport instead of say, joging 3 miles, 3 x week, then great. He will have chosen it and you are off the hook.

 

Does he have a dog? Dog training can be a great hobby for kids who don't like sports. There are classes in obedience, agility, flyball - so much fun for kids who love animals.

 

Good luck and God Bless.

 

( For those of you who have active or hyperactive boys - don't shy away from the drum set just because it is noisy. I can not tell you the benefit to my son, his drum set provided him over the years. It was the BEST thing we ever did for our ADD kid. Yes, it was LOUD, but the smile on his face when he played - priceless. It was the only thing that he was able to concentrate on well enough to become excellent at it. He took lessons and would be considered an accomplished drummer at a proffesional level.)

Edited April 8, 2009 by katemary63

[skaterbabs]

My sons would sit at home and do NOTHING given the chance. I don't allow that - being involved in extra-curricular activities and clubs allows children to learn valuable lessons.

[HSDCY]

You are describing my 9yo. I share you frustration. No word of wisdom for you, just like to let you know that you are not alone.

[wulfbourne]

I'm obviously not there yet, so I'm not speaking from experience. If it were me though I would find something for him to do that either didn't cost money, or at least cost less. For instance, I'd take them to a community little league where I might have to pay for shoes/outfit/gloves or something, but I wouldn't pay per lesson for gymnastics.

 

If apathy is the problem, maybe you could try having him volunteer somewhere to help others like a pp mentioned. It might help him get over his apathy.

[Broccoli]

Some kids just don't like competitive environments and I actually think that's ok. I'd try to find something that's not competitive. Maybe swimming classes that focus on technique enhancement and not competition?

 

This said, I agree it's good for kids to have a hobby of sorts. Give him a list of things he can do and if he doesn't want to choose, well, then you choose :D