Your turn

[MomSchool5]

nt

Edited February 10, 2009 by MomSchool5

[Garga]

I answered the post based on the fact that if I didn't homeschool I'd get a job.

 

I guess if one planned on staying at home while dh was at work and the kids are at school, then you might be able to get to "your stuff." However, I don't know anyone who actually does that. Maybe if your dh makes tons of money you'd stay home. (Again, I don't know anyone like that, who isn't retired.)

 

Since I'd be stuck at work if I wasn't hsing, it's not sacrificing as much as just trading things. When I worked all day and then had to come home and make dinner and do laundry and grocery shopping and all the cleaning and errands, there wasn't much time before I went to bed and got up to go to work again. I had very little "me" time back then, and I used to be jealous of those women who could do their shopping during the day when they weren't as crowded.

 

When I homeschool, I consider that time to be equivalent to a part-time job, so I actually have more time now vs my old full-time job. It's different, because the kids are around, but I have more time to cook and get the house organized and do errands in the day, so that in the evening we all actually have time together to read stories and watch tv together.

 

I read a lot of books now. I have time for one college class at a time. I go to a bible study every other week. I have time to write stories in the evening after the kids are in bed. I have time each afternoon to work on organizing something in my home (been decluttering lately.)

 

So, I actually feel I have more time to do stuff I want while I'm home now than when I worked.

 

If I stayed home and didn't work--well, as I said: that's fantasy land and I don't feel is a valid question. Might as well ask me what I'd do with a million dollars because that's another fantasy that'll probably never happen to me.

[Colleen]

I'm reading the thread below and some of you feel like you are not making sacrifices... But do you just resign yourself that it will never be your time?? Sigh... Ok... they are young, you have when they are out of the house... no.. I don't. My youngest will graduate when I am 53 years old and then dh is retiring to fufill his dream: we will travel 1/3 of the year, he will work locum tenems for 1/3 of the year and do missions for 1/3 of the year... So when is my time for ladies Bible study that you guys always say I'll have time for.. or anything else...

 

I'm trying to wrap my brain around this concept that we homeschoolers are so terribly sacrificial, but I can't say the thinking resonates with me. Again, if we choose to have children; if we choose to be their primary caregivers; if we choose to be involved in their lives ~ regardless of how they're schooled ~ that's of course going to be a job in and of itself.

 

Notice I say, "Regardless of how they're schooled". Even concerned/involved parents whose children are in school devote a good deal of time to their schooling, e.g. helping with homework, lending a hand in the classroom, serving on committees, yada yada yada.

 

None of this means we can't have a moment of time to ourselves, but we have to create that time. No one's going to give it to us on a silver platter. Most Bible studies offer childcare. So do gyms. Spouses can and should help. Children should be able to occupy themselves such that a parent can get a moment's peace. It isn't as if raising children means we're imprisoned 24/7. Truly.

 

Btw, you said husband is set to retire at age 53, after which you'll spend 1/3 of the year traveling. That right there would sound like a pretty sweet deal to a whole lotta people. It's more free time than many have at that age.

[MomSchool5]

 

Btw, you said husband is set to retire at age 53, after which you'll spend 1/3 of the year traveling. That right there would sound like a pretty sweet deal to a whole lotta people. It's more free time than many have at that age.

 

I guess that is just it.. It is free time doing what someone else wants to do. I would rather live by myself in a very small house or apartment, go to the same job for 50 years until I die of a heart attack. I like being home. I want people to know me and for me to know them. I'm tired of taking care of my children, elderly relatives, etc. Honestly, I would rather just be alone and go teach and then come home to a quiet house.. Just time to myself...

[Garga]

To answer your post about when it's your turn...how old are the kids? If they're still in elementary school, then they're still pretty dependent. When they're a little older, you'll have more you time (when they can stay home alone, for instance, and you can go to the bible study or to get your nails done or to a college class--I think they need to be 12 or so.)

 

My mil is 65 and is more active then ever. She was chuckling yesterday as we tried to find time to meet for lunch, as every single day on her calendar is filled with lunch dates, volunteer work, parties. She's having a blast. Yes, she's older, but it doesn't mean she's dead.

 

Also, I picked up that you said when you're 53 then you'll fulfill your dh's dream. Sounds like you need to talk to him FAST about any possible resentment building up in you. You are a team. If you feel that you'll never in your entire life meet any of your dreams, then that's just despair. Most men don't want to be married to a woman filled with despair! Start talking about dreams for you both before you're 53 and find you hate him.

[Garga]

momschool5, you sound burned out. Here's a hug and no more advice. :grouphug:

[*********]

Momschool5, I don't feel comfortable offering any advice, because I don't know if you're a Christian or not. If you are, I do have some things I'd like to share. If not, you'd maybe not appreciate my advice. Maybe, but maybe not. Ha, I guess either way, you may or may not appreciate it. :D And maybe you're not comfortable saying if you are or are not a Christian. Of course, that's fine as well.

 

That being said, if nothing else, you sound as if you could use a :grouphug:.

[Moni]

do you just resign yourself that it will never be your time??

 

This "is" my time.

Homeschooling is what I do.

For now anyway. ;)

 

:seeya:

[Brindee]

I agree with Garga, you need to talk with your dh! When he retires and travels, can you just stay home by yourself and not be bothered with anyone else? Then you'd have your alone time!

 

I'd LOVE to travel and do mission work with my dh, it'd be a dream come true for me--I LOVE doing things with my husband! Being all alone by myself would drive me crazy! But it seems that you could just opt out of some of the stuff he does and stay "Home Alone"! :) If you discuss it with your dh before he retires, then you'll both know what the other one wants and expects and can plan on a plan of action that will please both of you!

[KJB]

Why don't you just stay home while your husband works locum tenens? I'm not sure why you'd have to go with him?

 

I'd have no problem spending a couple months apart a year from my DH after our kids are out of the house. I love him and enjoy him but I have no problem spending time apart from him while we pursue our own interests or career goals. You could still travel and hook up with him on weekends/days off or else he could come home.

 

Just a thought for you.

:grouphug:

[sweetTN]

I guess that is just it.. It is free time doing what someone else wants to do.

 

I can understand how you are feeling. My dh job had us transferring around the country every 1-2 years leaving no time to form real friendships. Our dc stayed where ever we lived their senior year. This was very hard for me as being surrounded by family and friends has always been my dream.

 

I know in my hear that doing what is right for my family is the right thing to do, but sometimes I feel like I am just tagging along in everyone else's life.

 

No advise, just:grouphug:

[MomSchool5]

I I feel like I am just tagging along in everyone else's life.

 

No advise, just:grouphug:

 

Yep, that is it exactly. I've always done what others needed to have done. Because that is the way it is and people say, don't worry when they leave the nest, when they get older... but now my kids are older and suddenly hormones have affected the normally good judgement of my oldest so I am back to being trapped at home as I cannot leave them alone and a babysitter for a 14yo is out of the question.. Sigh.. Other elderly responsiblilities are going on as well. So it really isn't every YOUR turn and you just have to accept it.. I'll just keep praying that Jesus gives me strength and I can do what everyone else needs me to do.. I'm in my mid forties and I thought it would be better. Instead, it is harder.