My son is very impulsive, any ideas on how I can help him?

[Jumping In Puddles]

My son (almost 6) is not very focused (maybe normal for a 5 year old boy?) and is extremely impulsive when he is with a group of children. It's like he really can't help himself even though, obviously he has to learn.

 

Someone from my church group mentioned he might benefit from Yoga where he could learn to breathe and focus.

 

Someone else in the group mentioned that taking piano lessons might also give him the same benefit. This was, ahem, from a piano teacher. She says she would love him as a student and she has been teaching for 30 years and this will help train him to focus. :confused: I don't know. She charges $120 month.

 

Yoga is cheaper at $60 month but it is not all about the money. The only problem I see with Yoga is that my son can be very distracting in a group. He gets very excited and has a hard time after about 20 minutes he gets antsy and fools around.

 

I did try karate for him last year but I took him out because he was distracting to the other kids and week after week I told him to behave and listen but he wouldn't so I took him out.

 

One on one, with me homeschooling him, he is extremely patient but throw other kids into the mix and he just wants to joke, play, push, kiss, hug, talk to etc. :willy_nilly:

[Whisperlily]

Before jumping into any commitments that involve money, I would try some simple things first. No one "thing" is the magic answer.

 

I would set him up for success by arranging playdates with two or more children, and use that time to actively teach him how to stay calm around other kids. Take the time to redirect him (calmly) and give him lots of reminders of expected behavior, while doing something with the kids that they enjoy.

 

I would keep the playdates short, and add other (short) activities where he can practice those skills. As his understanding of what is expected and his ability to stay in control increases, you can move into longer/more stimulating activities.

 

I wouldn't hold out longer or better activities as a reward for good behavior, but gradually increase them without mention as he gains a little mroe self control. He's just at the right age to practice and learn those skills. :)

[Jumping In Puddles]

Before jumping into any commitments that involve money, I would try some simple things first. No one "thing" is the magic answer.

 

I would set him up for success by arranging playdates with two or more children, and use that time to actively teach him how to stay calm around other kids. Take the time to redirect him (calmly) and give him lots of reminders of expected behavior, while doing something with the kids that they enjoy.

 

I would keep the playdates short, and add other (short) activities where he can practice those skills. As his understanding of what is expected and his ability to stay in control increases, you can move into longer/more stimulating activities.

 

I wouldn't hold out longer or better activities as a reward for good behavior, but gradually increase them without mention as he gains a little mroe self control. He's just at the right age to practice and learn those skills. :)

 

Thanks for your thoughtful response. :)

 

I really feel like I'm already always on top of him about this but I'll try to arrange shorter play dates and activities and maybe that will help.

[Guest janainaz]

I don't know, it sounds like his age and the fact he's a boy. My ds 8 has gotten rather wild with other kids lately. He is typically a really mellow kid, but put him in company with other kids he knows and is comfortable with and he's bouncing off the walls and acting like a circus clown. I believe my ds has testosterone overLOAD and he needs to just go out and burn it off. I do have to reign him in and make him take it down a notch - or ten!

 

Even though my son is not totally interested in sports (he's ok with them, just not overly excited about them), but he NEEDS some sort of physical outlet. Maybe for your ds it does not have to be yoga or piano - maybe it's just something he can do to burn off some energy (preferably something he likes). It sounds to me that those activities would just make his energy-level worse. To have to sit still and focus (which is what my ds has to do at home for school...) he needs the OPPOSITE. He needs to be free and run and let it out.

[mktkcb]

Well, 5yo's don't focus particularly well in general, so I'd say he's pretty normal. I vote wait on piano lessons. I have had 2 kids exactly like him (one girl, now 17, and one boy 12), so I know of what you speak. My very first thought when I started reading your post was martial arts would be great. You said you took him out because he wouldn't behave and listen.....my question about this is.....what consequences did the *instructors* give for not focusing? My kids do TKD, and stuff like that will get extra pushups, situps, etc. Were the instructors dealing with it? Did they tell you he shouldn't be there? Maybe you need to not watch the class. I know at some point with my kiddos, I just had to let *them* interact and take whatever comes, and there were times I just had to leave to keep myself from mentally "hovering" iykwim. Anyway, of the options you mentioned, I would still consider putting him back in martial arts with a good instructor. OR, just give him some extra time to grow up a little :o). He's only 5....he's still a little munchkin.

Kayleen

[Plucky]

Those better be some pretty darn good lessons for $120 a month.

[lulubelle]

My son is very much the same way! He is 6. I wanted to pull him out of karate and swimming lessons due to his poor attitude, disrespectfullness, and embarrassment! My husband is hanging tough with it all and feels my son just needs time to grow. It's tough as a mom!!! He has his good days and still some bad. But, overall he is improving. And, I have had some help dealing with him with the book: Transforming the Difficult Child. I really think it's a long term effect for all of it though. I think piano is giving him confidence slowly! I think karate is giving him confidence and physical ability slowly! And, swimming is also gaining him confidence slowly! The book is helping me react more mildly to him!!! I don't think there is a quick fix from any one thing. Good luck!

[JudoMom]

Well, 5yo's don't focus particularly well in general, so I'd say he's pretty normal. I vote wait on piano lessons. I have had 2 kids exactly like him (one girl, now 17, and one boy 12), so I know of what you speak. My very first thought when I started reading your post was martial arts would be great. You said you took him out because he wouldn't behave and listen.....my question about this is.....what consequences did the *instructors* give for not focusing? My kids do TKD, and stuff like that will get extra pushups, situps, etc. Were the instructors dealing with it? Did they tell you he shouldn't be there? Maybe you need to not watch the class. I know at some point with my kiddos, I just had to let *them* interact and take whatever comes, and there were times I just had to leave to keep myself from mentally "hovering" iykwim. Anyway, of the options you mentioned, I would still consider putting him back in martial arts with a good instructor. OR, just give him some extra time to grow up a little :o). He's only 5....he's still a little munchkin.

Kayleen

 

:iagree:. What you described sounds perfectly normal to me. Maddening? Yes. But normal nonetheless. Give him time, give him practice, and give him plenty of outlets to burn energy. Little boys come with an abundance of energy (I'm positive at times that my house is actually vibrating with all of the boy energy around here) and they need to get it out, so yoga and piano wouldn't be my first choice for the inattentiveness and impulsiveness.

 

Also, I agree that if the Senseis in the karate class weren't helping your ds to pay attention I would look for another class and give it a whirl. I really do like martial arts for kids, and see great benefit in kids participating. Self-control should be taught along with the martial art.

[Brindee]

I agree about the piano at this age. I have a son like this, and it's hard sometimes! I've been known to have my ds do 25 jumping jacks, or run around the house 3 times or something. He's got energy he needs to expel! By the time he was 7 he did well enough for piano lessons. But even then, I'd have him do something to get energy out before he'd sit down to practice for 10 minutes at a time, twice a day. Then his lesson was 20 minutes at first, to get him used to it. The teacher worked well with him, and did some active things to help him remember the notes. At that age he started learning more disciplie on how to control the energy, and was very pleased when he progressed through songs, so it was a good disicpling for him in controlling it. But, as I said, he was always given ample time to get his energy out in a positive way, which helped him be able to control it when he needed to.

 

My kids took Karate when this ds was 8 and 9. I had to do as someone else said--actually leave and not watch, or I'd want to "fix" his distraction problems! But the Sensei was very good, and had him under control and learning to concentrate on his next move as opposed to looking around the room--it took a bit though, but it was VERY good for him!

[Jumping In Puddles]

He needs to be free and run and let it out.

 

Thanks, I think that may be it... but the other kids seem so much more in control. Maybe because I'm not constantly watching them! :lol:

 

I know at some point with my kiddos, I just had to let *them* interact and take whatever comes, and there were times I just had to leave to keep myself from mentally "hovering" iykwim. Anyway, of the options you mentioned, I would still consider putting him back in martial arts with a good instructor. OR, just give him some extra time to grow up a little :o). He's only 5....he's still a little munchkin.

Kayleen

 

hmmm... I think you may be right about not watching him. I think I'll check out some karate schools. Thanks :)

 

Those better be some pretty darn good lessons for $120 a month.

 

Really? What's the going rate? What's the typical age do you think for piano?

 

 

And, I have had some help dealing with him with the book: Transforming the Difficult Child.

 

Your son does sound like mine. I'm going to get that book! Thanks.

 

What you described sounds perfectly normal to me. Maddening? Yes. But normal nonetheless. Give him time, give him practice, and give him plenty of outlets to burn energy.

 

Madding is right! I will check out karate again for him. I'm glad to hear that it may be normal boy behavior but it's maddening when all the kids are paying attention and my son is the one to disrupt.

 

I agree about the piano at this age. I have a son like this, and it's hard sometimes! I've been known to have my ds do 25 jumping jacks, or run around the house 3 times or something. He's got energy he needs to expel!

 

Before he is going to be with other children, I'll try to get him to run around.

 

 

Thanks, everyone!