klmama Posted September 9, 2018 Share Posted September 9, 2018 (edited) My college dc is struggling with how to handle a social situation. There are several students who follow dc around at campus social activities, invite dc to do things several times a week, and frequently stop by dc's room to visit. Dc says they are nice, but they aren't people dc connects with, and they don't notice any of the usual cues that someone is done talking with them or isn't interested in getting together. Their constant presence following dc around at activities is making it difficult for introverted dc to meet new people. Dc has had several suicidal friends and as a result is very purposeful about being kind to everyone, but right now that's making dc's life a lot harder and lonelier. I've suggested dc read Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. Do you have any other suggestions? Edited September 9, 2018 by klmama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted September 9, 2018 Share Posted September 9, 2018 If they are the Welcome Wagon type, I think maybe dc could be upfront with them. The next time they stop by dc's room might be a good time - meet them at the door and say, "Friends, I appreciate you taking time to help make sure I'm not lonely, but I have to tell you I am an introvert and I could use a little more loneliness. I'm going to nod and smile when I see you, but I will be taking some space now. See you around campus." (Smile. Literally back into the room and shut the door.) If they ignore this and tag along dc on campus or at a party, dc needs to stand up for self, look them in the eye, and say, "I told you to stop following me. Stop following me." We have to be kind to everyone we meet, but if we are being railroaded or victimized in any way, or especially being denied the chance to make friends and have some privacy, the person most in need of dc's kindness is dc. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klmama Posted September 9, 2018 Author Share Posted September 9, 2018 Thanks, that's more or less what I said first, but dc countered that it felt mean. *Sigh* Dc is usually really good at refusing to be manipulated by people - polite, but very much in charge of most difficult situations - so it surprises me that this "nice" version of rudeness is so much harder for dc to handle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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