Just an update about what I'm working through

[Night Elf]

Not long ago I posted about Intuitive Eating to see if anyone else had found this book. Well, it's going fairly well for me. Some worried my bulimia might not be able to be fixed by myself with this method and that I should consider the eating disorder clinic my psychiatrist recommended. Things are actually going well! Yesterday I deleted my My Fitness Pal account. I started following IE on June 11th, and I had two episodes of falling back into my tracking and restricting pattern. So yesterday I got frustrated with myself and just deleted the account. I don't know what will happen if I get an urge to track again but I'm hoping that by deleting my account, it will serve to remind me of what I'm trying to do. I'm still weighing myself although I'm slowly working on giving up the scale. Right now I'm weighing every 3rd day but we'll see what happens on Tuesday. Right now I don't want to ever weigh myself again. I'm eating more and eating foods I used to forbid myself. I'm finding they aren't as scary as I thought they were. They're also foods that I avoided because I felt they'd make me fat but I need to make peace with food and accept it as it is and accept me as I am. I know I'm going to gain some weight and I'm okay with that, but I'm still worried I'll gain too much. That's why I don't know if I can give up the scale. But as I told my husband, what happens if I weigh myself and see a number that I don't like? Will I go back to restricting and tracking which I'm trying to kick completely? He's all for throwing out the scale completely. I think what I'm going to do is weigh until I've gained 5 lbs. which will be at the top end of what I have always thought was just an okay weight. Then I'll stop weighing because I don't want to see the number crawling up higher. But so far, since June 11th, I've fluctuated only within a 2 lb range so maybe my weight set point won't be really high.

So anyway, that's where I am. I've got a supportive husband who helps me when I start struggling. I've got a great counselor who agrees with Intuitive Eating so she's able to help me work through some of my issues.

I wish I had discovered this a long time ago. I just got so tired of the way I was living. Food and weight were the enemy and they shouldn't be. At least not for me. I'm already feeling so much better than I have in years. That's good. ?

[Kassia]

What a wonderful update!  That is amazing progress.  I have battled eating disorders for my entire adult life and I know how hard it is.  You have taken some really big steps - physically and mentally!  

[Night Elf]

Thanks ladies! 

Today I had lunch with my mom and sister. I ate my lunch but left the biscuit and now I regret it. I deprived myself of that biscuit and now that I'm home I can't stop thinking about it. I may have to make myself some biscuits tonight if this craving doesn't go away. I should have just eaten the darn biscuit and I wouldn't be craving it!

[Kassia]

21 minutes ago, Night Elf said:

Thanks ladies! 

Today I had lunch with my mom and sister. I ate my lunch but left the biscuit and now I regret it. I deprived myself of that biscuit and now that I'm home I can't stop thinking about it. I may have to make myself some biscuits tonight if this craving doesn't go away. I should have just eaten the darn biscuit and I wouldn't be craving it!

 

It's a learning process.  Be patient with yourself.  Next time you'll have the biscuit.  And, if you want biscuits tonight, definitely make them or go out and get yourself one.