14 yr. old dd struggling with day dreaming, new friends...

[Guest kacifl]

DD has always been an excellent student. But for about three months now she is constantly daydreaming. She is behind in her 10th grade work.

 

She has two new guy friends that moved into our neighborhood. They are very nice & apparently quite attractive. She thinks of both of them constantly. When they are in school, she is daydreaming about them. To compound this problem she has suddenly become popular with most of the girls in our neighborhood. We're receiving excessive phone calls, door bell ringing, etc. She does admit that these girls wouldn't give her the time of day if the 2 boys didn't live next door. The last two weekends were so bad, that we put a stop to the girls wanting to come over and 'visit' my daughter.

 

My daughter understands that these two boys are just friends. They do seem to get along quite nicely. Especially when there aren't extra girls around. However, I suspect that she has a crush, hence the day dreaming. I'm positive these boys are genuine friends with my dd. But ever since the boys moved next door dd's interest in school has fizzled, not to mention much of our family sanity. Just while writing this, she has received two text messages from one girl wanting to stay over for the whole weekend (she lives in another part of town) and another wanting to stay the whole day Saturday.

 

Should I let this new found social life run it's course? Wait into January and try again?

Edited November 5, 2008 by kacifl
spelling

[Cedarmom]

I guess I would focus on the school issue, and not what she is daydreaming about. My son isn't daydreaming about girls, but who will win the world series, or how his debate will go , or...... When he is focused, and I can trust him to do his work more he gets more priviliges ( doing computer or video game before school work is all done) But when we are going through a difficult patch(like now) the rules is friends,t.v.,video etc, is after school work is completed. I would not allow text messaging, or cell phone ,during school time. If your daughter went to school she would not be allowed these.

I would also chat with your daughter about your concerns . Ask her what she think would help her focus. Help her take responsibility for the problem.

[Guest kacifl]

I can insist, and do, on work first, then friends, Face-book. But the quality of her work is lacking. She is going through the motions, turning in work. Test her, and she can't remember half of it.

 

I've scaled her work down to the easy things required to graduate. Hoping her brain will spring back into action for the hard stuff soon.

 

Our life has been crazy anyway. My older daughter's very big wedding in GA. Also, 2nd oldest daughter just had our first grandchild. All in the month of Oct.

Edited November 5, 2008 by kacifl

[Rhondabee]

We had to have a very blunt conversation with our 13yo dear *son* about how catty girls can be to one another just a few short months ago, so please know I'm not saying this to be harsh. But, I think you need to explain to your dd what a true friend is, and gently explain to her that she is being used. She *isn't* popular. She is simply a tool the other girls are using to get noticed by these boys. You might also take this opportunity to discuss how girls use boys (and allow themselves to be used by boys!) trying to achieve "popularity".

 

((((Hugs)))

[Guest kacifl]

She figured that out and we discussed it. She even went to church last week and the girl that was over Sat. completely ignored her... cause yah know the boys weren't with her!

 

We got out a few 'chic flick' movies about mean girls and what it is really like out there. Had popcorn and talked about it a lot.

 

Now, if I can just get her to concentrate on school!

[Cedarmom]

out there. Had popcorn and talked about it a lot.

 

!

 

I think that is truly the key. Teenagers are going through so many changes, and here we are trying to actually educate them in the process! Talking, being together, and laughing can accomplish much. And LOTS of patience.:001_smile:

[Ame E.]

My 14-year-old son is the same way... only it's not about girls... it's about SPORTS and FRIENDS.. and getting out of the house with DAD!! His school work has suffered and yes, it is driving me nuts.. I think it's a maturity issue.... more than anything else..

[readwithem]

Just while writing this, she has received two text messages from one girl wanting to stay over for the whole weekend (she lives in another part of town) and another wanting to stay the whole day Saturday.

 

Should I let this new found social life run it's course? Wait into January and try again?

 

I know ps students have their phones during school time, but I would take away all distractions when she is doing school, including her phone. I know I would have a hard time focusing on school if I knew somebody were texting me. I don't know how you handle phone calls during the day, but it would be similar to letting the answering machine or caller ID catch your calls without letting it interrupt your work.

[Guest kacifl]

We now have caller id. I hadn't thought of her cell phone, nor worried, I didn't think that kids from public school would call. I was wrong. It is off,now, during school hours. K