................... Posted July 2, 2017 Share Posted July 2, 2017 How much do you help your daughter out with her horse? My dd is getting so angry and annoyed, because she will do things like stand the wrong way while cleaning her horse's hooves...yes she was facing the same way as the horse, and when she did the back she was somewhat behind the hoof, her head was definitely in danger. (The horse would never kick her but might think she's a fly, etc.) Yes she has been taught but my dd is dyslexic. I reminded her to go the other way, she argued, got angry, was embarrassed and frustrated (even though I said it out of earshot and very quietly so she wouldn't be embarrassed)....she then admitted I was correct... Or she will forget to fly spray half the horse. and argue and argue, when I point out she didn't do the horse's legs or rump. This particular horse HATES flies on her legs and it is extremely unkind, IMO to leave them un-sprayed. and then expect the horse to stand still while being tacked up! Or, she will forget to pick one entire hoof, I will say, the left forefront hoof wasn't picked and she will argue and argue and argue. Or she will refuse to longe hte horse on a cold morning, when I know it's cold out and the horse needs to be warmed up before practice. Her excuse is, "Oh I will walk her aruond the arena about ten times to warm her up" UMmmm you just wasted 15 minutes of your lesson!! Or, I will tell her to text her instructor to ask an important question for later, in this case whether she should bring her show outfit this MOnday to do a trial run with all the new clothes on...and she will sigh and get angry BUT she seems to think that because I am not the authority on horses (which is correct) that I have no authority when we are at the barn and it's really getting frustrating. I never tell her what to do when her instructors are there. When they are right there, they are the authority. I DO NOT helicopter parent from the side-lines, or the arena fence etc. etc. I do not tell her how to ride, and I also do not say anything about her tack because she's really great at tacking up and hasn't had any issues... I am just thinking to myself that there are dangers inherent with doing things wrong (IMO especially cleaning the hooves), and there are also humane issues. Don't forget to spray your horse's legs and then wonder why she won't stand, and why she is fidgety when you are tacking up! Our instructor doesn't expect to stand over her at this point while grooming and tacking up because she already had MANY lessons on it, and repeat reminders, etc. etc. What should I do? Should I put my foot down and say look just because I am not a horse expert I am still your mom. and then put my foot down and give consequences (aka the next time she argues, we immediately go home, and I will follow through) Or should I just leave her there, shut my mouth, go take a walk and hope she doesn't get kicked in the face or that her horse isn't sad because she has no fly spray? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
................... Posted July 2, 2017 Author Share Posted July 2, 2017 PS I also do not stay there during the whole lesson, and I do not stay during every time she tacks up, mostly just early Saturday mornings when her instructor is later, and my dd is kind of alone....just wanted to share that I don't hover or get in her way constantly, and I leave for every lesson, and only "watch" the tail end, when I get back from running errands. She really has her fun there with her peeps and herself, and I am chatty, kind everyone there likes me and respects me....I am not in any way some kind of pushy, annoying or embarrassing mom. :) all the other girls even like me ! and my daughter does too, except when we are there, and I say a single thing about anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted July 2, 2017 Share Posted July 2, 2017 Any chance you can pitch in and do things together (before there is a problem)? My kids, hubby, and I always tacked up together - even when the kids were doing lessons. Kids love being an integral part of a team. They don't like being bossed around by parents. When we worked as a team, no single person was "in charge," we just "did it." We would all brush, but one person (sometimes two) would then do all feet, another would do fly spray, another would bring out the tack or tighten girths/cinches, etc. Nothing was assigned. We usually let the kids pick their choices and we adults did the unselected ones of the day. It was a fun, bonding time - not a chore - nothing got overlooked as team members took their job seriously. We only lunged first if the pony was likely to need to get some kicks out. It really isn't necessary to warm up unless one can't do some walking and trotting on them somewhere. The latter is better IME. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted July 2, 2017 Share Posted July 2, 2017 With just one horse, you can still be a team. The first time just tell her you'd like to have a hand in it too. It looks like fun. What does she want to do and what would she think you should do? As you two develop your team, the rest will just happen as the days go on. Of course, this only applies if you want to help... If not, I'd stay out of it TBH. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
................... Posted July 2, 2017 Author Share Posted July 2, 2017 Thanks this is lovely advice. Yesterday we bathed her horse together and it was loads of fun and everyone was happy. I don't really want to pick the hooves. I have no desire to do that, as I feel it's scary. LOL and SHE should be doing it so she will learn! But I can grab the fly spray and have a go, I guess that would be one less thing to argue about. :) As far as longing , I won't say anything about it again, but I did tell her to ask if it's necessary or not. What I gather is that for the most part she just doesn't want me giving advice. I think what you're saying makes sense though, either do it together, in a fun team effort thing, or stay out of it. Srtanding from ten feet away telling her what to do might be part of the problem... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted July 2, 2017 Share Posted July 2, 2017 Thanks this is lovely advice. Yesterday we bathed her horse together and it was loads of fun and everyone was happy. I don't really want to pick the hooves. I have no desire to do that, as I feel it's scary. LOL and SHE should be doing it so she will learn! But I can grab the fly spray and have a go, I guess that would be one less thing to argue about. :) As far as longing , I won't say anything about it again, but I did tell her to ask if it's necessary or not. What I gather is that for the most part she just doesn't want me giving advice. I think what you're saying makes sense though, either do it together, in a fun team effort thing, or stay out of it. Srtanding from ten feet away telling her what to do might be part of the problem... That's the age TBH. We're all "smart" at her age and certainly don't want relatives pointing out that we aren't! ;) My parents gained tons of intelligence shortly after my oldest was born. I have no idea why they weren't so smart in my teens... :lol: Don't be afraid of telling her you want to help and have fun together, but don't feel comfortable doing feet. That will help her feel like she's really bringing something to the team - and she is. ;) Let her guide, esp at first. We learn far more when we "teach" others. If she forgets something, don't point it out - just take it on as your part of the team (except for feet if you don't feel as comfortable with that part). If she misses a foot you can innocently ask if she had a chance to do "front left" or not. If that doesn't work... well, TBH, it's not the end of the world if a foot gets missed once in a while. Chances of there being anything in there that will actually hurt the horse is minimal. You don't want it to happen all the time as thrush could build up or whatever, but most horses naturally clean their feet during exercise. That's how nature works. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
38carrots Posted July 2, 2017 Share Posted July 2, 2017 How old is your DD? This sounds like lack of maturity, rather than horse related issues. DD is very experienced with her horse, and is very responsible. I'm not horsey. But if she were to forget fly spray or one hoof or something that affected her own safety or her horse's, she would be very grateful for my reminder because she realizes the seriousness of the situation. A similar reminder on something not horse related might be met with an eye roll. When the horse is concerned, she realizes that we are both on Team Horse and Team Safety. Staying out of it, while her safety and the horse's well being is compromised? I wouldn't do it. It seems that you are finding a positive way to be involved--good for you! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
................... Posted July 3, 2017 Author Share Posted July 3, 2017 (edited) She is a little immature for her age, but maybe she needs a discussion on horse safety and how it relates to these things again. But since she's at that age where she wants to be right, I think creeklands advice is golden. If we are a team about it, the situation will improve. Edited July 3, 2017 by Calming Tea 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Selkie Posted July 3, 2017 Share Posted July 3, 2017 Is this her horse or one that belongs to the barn? If it's a barn horse, I'm surprised that the instructor is allowing her to clean the horse's feet in an incorrect and dangerous way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted July 3, 2017 Share Posted July 3, 2017 Is this her horse or one that belongs to the barn? If it's a barn horse, I'm surprised that the instructor is allowing her to clean the horse's feet in an incorrect and dangerous way. Chances are, no one "official" saw it. Like with any coach, teacher, or instructor, they can't be watching every thing at every time. One place where I rode as a youth we did all the tacking up by ourselves with no supervision once we were past that learning stage. At another place (a college campus) they employed grooms to do all the grooming and tacking up for the younger set (pre-college age) as it was mandated by insurance - or I suppose they could have paid much more perhaps. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
................... Posted July 3, 2017 Author Share Posted July 3, 2017 Is this her horse or one that belongs to the barn? If it's a barn horse, I'm surprised that the instructor is allowing her to clean the horse's feet in an incorrect and dangerous way. They dont allow it. If they are there, they correct her every time. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Selkie Posted July 3, 2017 Share Posted July 3, 2017 Since you say the instructor has repeatedly taught her how to clean feet and she is still doing it incorrectly and arguing with you about it, I would question whether she is responsible and mature enough to work with horses. Safety must be the number one priority and you are right to be worried about her getting hurt. It sounds like she needs either you or the instructor supervising her at all times, so I would definitely not stay out of it - I would be right there watching everything she does, whether she likes it or not. I hope your team approach is successful. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
................... Posted July 3, 2017 Author Share Posted July 3, 2017 Update: So, today I just teamed up while I was there, and my dd loved it. She taught me how to groom, and when I made a few gentle suggestions, she accepted it super happily. I also mentioned it to her instructor who agreed that she seemed happier when I don't tell her what to do from far away, and encouraged me to make it a very positive experience for the two of us, and that if toughness is necessary, during the riding, she will be tough on her. And I know both her instructors have a good old fashioned requirement of teaching young people to respect their teachers/elders/moms so they are great with that, it's just a learning curve for me to know how to function at the barn. :) Thanks so much Creek!!! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted July 3, 2017 Share Posted July 3, 2017 Update: So, today I just teamed up while I was there, and my dd loved it. She taught me how to groom, and when I made a few gentle suggestions, she accepted it super happily. I also mentioned it to her instructor who agreed that she seemed happier when I don't tell her what to do from far away, and encouraged me to make it a very positive experience for the two of us, and that if toughness is necessary, during the riding, she will be tough on her. And I know both her instructors have a good old fashioned requirement of teaching young people to respect their teachers/elders/moms so they are great with that, it's just a learning curve for me to know how to function at the barn. :) Thanks so much Creek!!! Really glad to hear this! Not only did it solve this situation, things like this can lead to great bonding overall. Kids really like being part of a genuine team (where their input matters). Parents tend to like bonding. Win-win. Oh, and horses usually like more attention too. Win-win-win. ;) I hope you have tons of enjoyable time together - at the barn and elsewhere. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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