How do you cope with whining?

[Kidlit]

We're having a very difficult time right now with our four year old dd. She is a somewhat sensitive child, and she tends to over-react to things. She whines a lot, but we are working on training her out of that. We by no means have it licked, but we are working on using a "normal voice" to ask for things, etc. Most of the time she tries to comply, but she still has her moments (okay, lots of moments) when it takes a while to get a handle on things. What I suppose I'm having a problem with is COPING myself with her whining after I've dealt with it all day long.

 

How do you cope? I almost see this as the deal-breaker for homeschooling around our house. Unfortunately, it seems that she takes after her mother :tongue_smilie:in terms of sensitivity, etc., so I'm not sure I can handle this on a day-in and day-out basis. (Of course, this begs the question of how have I handled it thus far--she's never been in daycare.)

 

I'm sorry. I'm rambling here. We've just had a rough couple of days and I HAVE NOT reacted well.

[Starr]

Let's think back to young whining. When I didn't give in, or loose my breath, a nice time out on the stairs was effective. If you really want to change a behavior you have to be consistant :). That's the hard part. I'm sure you know what will work. Having one dc that spent every other week on the stairs was difficult but it paid off in the long run. Having her in ps for K and 1 did not help. I'm sorry you are going through a tough spell. We're all rooting for you!

[Kidlit]

Thanks, Starr. I usually send her to her room to sit in the rocking chair until she can get her whining under control. She does not like to do this, but I have noticed the last few days that she has been making a real effort to use her "normal voice," etc.

 

Again, I guess what I need is some coping skills for myself in dealing with the whining. I know she is still going to cry at times, etc., but it REALLY gets to me. For you parents out there with little ones, how do you cope? :confused::confused::confused:

[Mom to Aly]

This was my biggest prob with my dd--she is wonderful, truly a dream, in almost every respect, except whining. I have to admit, I did it, and I, like she, was very sensitive--they seem to go hand in hand.

 

It took me until very recently to really eliminate it, though--want to know my secret? You have to stick with it, diligently, or it does not work! Here it is: when she starts whining, I say, very calmly, "I'm sorry, I do not understand whine.". Very calmly, politely, not mocking at all, as though it is another language, and I go about my business as though I don't hear her. At first she was shocked, and would whine louder, and I'd turn around, nicely, and explain, "It must be something about the pitch, you know, how I always told you it went straight down my back? Gave me an instant headache? Well, now, I just can't seem to understand it. When you can speak to me like a normal human being, please do. Until then, you might want to go in the other room and try to bring your voice back down to a normal pitch.".

 

I expected more whining, lots of probs--it took less than 3 days for her to stop. Now, if she starts, I start replying, she takes a deep breath, and repeats what she is saying in a normal voice. My home is so peaceful! :)

 

Good luck!

[3lilreds in NC]

I did the same thing as Mom to Aly - "Sorry, I don't understand whining." My dd would get SO mad. She would try to rephrase and not whine, but it took a while for her to get it. We don't have much whining anymore, thank God. Just in time to train Schmooey. :D

 

Sometimes I would also whine back at them. They would giggle when they heard how silly I sounded, and it would often cure the crabbies or whatever was causing the whine. Sometimes a little silliness goes a long way.

[Kidlit]

Thanks, Mom to Aly. Yes, I know this works. It's very similar to our "go to your room if you're whining" rule.

 

Sometimes I have a hard time telling when she's truly in distress and when she's just whining for no reason at all. Actually, I've tried to impress upon her that using a normal voice will always get our attention, when whining will usually only get negative attention (or none at all). The real issue is that this evening after getting out of the bathtub, she had a small bite of some kind (mosquito? I'm not sure) on the back side of her knee. She cried about it for a LONG time. It did not appear to be a truly painful bite (i.e. I know she wasn't stung by a wasp), and I finally just LOST IT over her crying. Yes, pass the "Bad Mother of the Year" trophy over to me. I deserve it. :crying::crying::crying:

 

I suppose my question now is how do you cope when your children are crying/whining over something that is perhaps legitimate? How do you console them without going bonkers yourself?

 

I think this might need its own thread.:tongue_smilie:

[Kidlit]

Thanks, Beth. I am definitely instituting this at our house PRONTO. I have an almost three year old who will need the training next, I'm sure.:tongue_smilie:

[3lilreds in NC]

Also, for me coping - sometimes I would take a Mommy Time Out. I would put them in their room, and often me in mine, so that I had a few moments of quiet. It can take a little training, to get them to stay in and be quiet until you come and get them, and you have to be good about getting them out on time. It's so tempting to leave them in there a little longer. Heh. But, that's how I coped when we were having a rough day.

[Kidlit]

Thanks, Beth. My problem is knowing when I need a time out. Often, I find myself pushed to the limit without even knowing I'm close to it. :tongue_smilie: I'm just feeling really discouraged and defeated in my parenting right now. I think I need to get off here and pray.

 

I'm still open to suggestions and encouragement, though!:bigear: