Social Skills and Preschoolers.

[ReadingMama1214]

Dd is 4.5 (5 in December). She is creative, bright, and sweet. She is introverted and does extremely well voicing when she needs alone time and time away from people. She does excellent at home and with us and tends to either be extremely shy or overly affectionate to other adults in public. For example, she will talk all day and call after a waiter at our local restaurant and then not speak at all when we have dinner with adult friends.

 

This summer she has complained about her class at church. She's said that she sat alone and no one played with her. It turns out that the girls in the class (all turning 5 this summer) were being a bit catty and dramatic. Dd tends to shy away from clicks and is not assertive. She does play with her friends wel 1:1.

 

Today I peeked into her class and the other girls were playing a game and Dd ran up and tried to play a completely different game. It's been clear that she doesn't always pick up on social cues or how to join into games being played.

 

Ive noticed that she tends to engage other kids by roaring and pretending to be an animal or trying to get them to play a completely unrelated game.

 

In her half day preschool class her teacher said she does play with other kids. She also said she doesn't tend to talk much, even to the teachers. She said she has a hard time getting Dd to use full sentences with her. Dd talks extremely well for her age at home.

 

Do you do anything to help your kids gain social skills? She's an introvert and I don't want to change her or push her to change, but I want her to be comfortable in social settings.

 

She is also prone to tantrums sometimes that seem extensive for her age. Ex: threw a loud fit in target because the lantern she was getting for camping had "lines" in the plastic light cover. She says she can't calm down and it's too hard to stop.

[HomeAgain]

Yes, I actively teach social skills.  I help the child look at what is going on and figure out the next logical step.  I teach specific phrases to use at different times (meeting people, saying goodbye, being assertive) and practice them with the child.  I figure the more it's ingrained, the less the child has to think about what is right when they are feeling uncomfortable.  It gives them a "correct" answer they don't have to come up with.

 

FWIW, though, my youngest sounds a lot like yours.  Tantrums, needing more teaching for social cues...I did not put him in a class, though, because he was still in the 1:1 stage.  We invited friends over and worked on social skills in small groups, and then joined a class of 8-10 kids that all had a parent right there teaching them.  The once a week activities he did all had a parent right there. He was not ready to be alone, and it was okay for him to wait.  2 years later he does just fine in social settings, though he still has preferences of smaller groups.  For example, he loves our art museum and will talk the docents' ears off, but come the once a month activity day they have and he wants nothing to do with it.  Too many people, too many kids, too much going on.

[ReadingMama1214]

Yes, I actively teach social skills. I help the child look at what is going on and figure out the next logical step. I teach specific phrases to use at different times (meeting people, saying goodbye, being assertive) and practice them with the child. I figure the more it's ingrained, the less the child has to think about what is right when they are feeling uncomfortable. It gives them a "correct" answer they don't have to come up with.

 

FWIW, though, my youngest sounds a lot like yours. Tantrums, needing more teaching for social cues...I did not put him in a class, though, because he was still in the 1:1 stage. We invited friends over and worked on social skills in small groups, and then joined a class of 8-10 kids that all had a parent right there teaching them. The once a week activities he did all had a parent right there. He was not ready to be alone, and it was okay for him to wait. 2 years later he does just fine in social settings, though he still has preferences of smaller groups. For example, he loves our art museum and will talk the docents' ears off, but come the once a month activity day they have and he wants nothing to do with it. Too many people, too many kids, too much going on.

I've taught some things. She is polite and knows appropriate social greeting and such.

 

After the class experience she had at church, I did tell her that she can approach other kids and say, "hi can I play with you" or "do you want to play with me?" And she does try it. However, we have some cranky kids in our church and the first few times she tried it they said no. Can't rely on preschoolers! Haha.

 

She will have to go to school for PreK and K since I am in grad school and due to my internship I can't homeschool until 1st. She does well in her classes (ballet and swim) and loves places like the zoo, children's museum, and science museum, but she doesn't like loud overwhelming situations. Much better in smaller settings.

 

I think I will coach her a bit on how to enter into play wth other kids though. The girls she tried it with today are sweet and accepting of her.

 

And I honestly don't expect or want her to conform. I love that she seems not to care what others think and that she distances herself from drama and cliques.

 

She loves imaginative play too and I think the kids she tries to play with are not as into it. I'm hoping her half day class does help a little. It's a small class with a small teacher to student ratio and a lot of play is done in small groups of 2-4.