Talk to me about Stage IV (D2) prostate cancer

[Guest]

We honestly didn't ask what would happen without chemo. The doc said the cancer had not been present very long, so I would imagine it would be quite a rapid end. I, personally, would not be able to do chemo unless it was a super "easy to cure" type. If it would prolong life short-term, but leave me with lousy quality of life, I would choose to go Home.

 

I am so sorry about your aunt. :grouphug:

 

Thank you.  It has been a round 18 months .... lots of loss.  

 

But I'll bet I'm older than your dad, and that's a different thing...I'm losing relatives who are in their late 80s and 90s.  That is a long life, and one doesn't expect people to live forever.  But we do expect to get past 60, so I think this is very hard for you.  

 

My dad did all the expensive, experimental drugs and probably extended his life by a year.  I am not the one to make a quality of life decision...that's his call.  But it DID affect my mom, because the treatments were *draining* their savings...and although she is 93, she has a good chance of living at least 5 more years...but on what MONEY?  So THAT was an issue and that seems really ugly but it is reality.  But my dad persisted for some time because "it's going to cure my cancer...see?  It says so right here on the label!"  Gah.  

 

My aunt's situation was different.  I think HER decision was so clear--three weeks of yuck so you can live *four* weeks?  Or one week of time with your family, as you fade away...and we can keep you out of pain.  Either way, she basically got "one week", KWIM?  It's a really different situation from my dad's...but I don't know that my dad ever asked, "What if we don't do anything?"  He didn't want the answer.  

 

I read a book awhile back (it's quite well known--someone else here will know the name of it) by an Indian doctor...about the end of life.  My big takeaway from that book was that we need to ask the person of concern what THEY want.  He had an illustration of two guys with the same condition and choice...one said that he didn't want the treatment (whatever it was) because he didn't want to live disabled.  The other guy said he was OK with it as long as he could still watch NFL Football on TV.   My takeaway from that book was to ASK and not assume. 

 

I'm really sorry you are having to face this, you and your family.  It's much too soon, and the range of emotions and decisions is large and uncharted.  (((ewemama)))

[Cindy in FL.]

My dad (now 78) was diagnosed with prostate cancer in 2001. Gleason score of 7 and a PSA of 35. During surgery they found cancer cells in the lymph nodes two nodes out from the prostate, so closed him up without removing. The doctor originally gave him a life expectancy of 6-7 years. It's been 15! He has had lots of different treatments, has responded better than expected to most, and is currently on his third type of chemo. For the most part he has had good quality of life and still lives in his own home (alone, which I don't like). He also has COPD and that gets difficult to manage sometimes.

 

I am sorry that your dad and your family are going through this and I really hope that he has a good response to treatment.

[Amy in NH]

Being Mortal by Atul Gawande