NM

[AEC]

never mind.  decided against this.

Edited February 26, 2016 by AEC

[EndOfOrdinary]

I was also that kid. I have seen that kid in my kid. I completely get what you a saying about ceiling, effort equalling results, and even complaining about being so far ahead seeming silly. I needed someone to outright tell me that I would never be normal (no matter what) and then help me find ways to appear normal so I could be both academic and socially sound. Ds needed someone to tell him that his life-crushing knowledge of inequity and the depth of social/environmental trauma was not something most people could handle or understand (even adults) and that moral outrage was okay. He needed to know zoning out to protect himself was completely healthy as long as he did not verge into depression and despair. He needed the words to be able to say "help me carry this load."

 

There is this really great quote that I have used for myself frequently: "There are no lazy people, just those with different goals than your own." She has a different goal somewhere that she is needing to be met and due to her age, she probably cannot articulate.

 

I have explained openly to Ds that if he is happy spending ten hours a day on his iPad watching YouTube, then cool. But I want him to actually be happy. Not avoiding. Not meh. Happy. For just about every bright/gifted kid I have ever known there is a need to strive unless something is emotionally wrong.

 

Ds took quite a bit of time to uncover that he was basically having an existential crisis about pursuing knowledge. YouTube meant he did not have to think about it. Once it was out in the open, we could really work on helping him express himself or question himself/society/status in a healthy, safe way.

[AEC]

thanks

[lewelma]

Wow EOO, that is pretty deep stuff.  

 

AEC, I read your original post, but was still thinking about how to respond.  Hope you find what you are looking for. Never easy, is it?  :grouphug:

[AEC]

Wow EOO, that is pretty deep stuff.  

 

AEC, I read your original post, but was still thinking about how to respond.  Hope you find what you are looking for. Never easy, is it?  :grouphug:

 

I did find EOO's response helpful.  I really appreciate it.

 

I took the post down because when I went back and re-read it my first thought was that 'lazy' is such a loaded and derogatory word to use to describe someone I adore and in many ways admire.  It seemed inappropriately judgmental and came from a place of frustration on my part.  I think I'm struggling to decide how much of that frustration is 'just me' (not meeting my expectations) vs providing reasonable parental guidance to help her achieve what she says she wants.

 

I started to write, just now, that I think I'd be easier to handle a kid who was really working hard, and struggling, than one who's just mailing it in and succeeding - but not to their 'potential'.  But maybe that's the issue.  Maybe she is really working hard, and struggling - to be focused and organized and pay attention to details and make the 'right now' decisions that are most consistent with what she really values longer-term.  Maybe I need to find a better way to help her with that than pestering and harassment.

[EndOfOrdinary]

Maybe she is really working hard, and struggling - to be focused and organized and pay attention to details and make the 'right now' decisions that are most consistent with what she really values longer-term. Maybe I need to find a better way to help her with that than pestering and harassment.

It always amazes me that Ds can just pull out crazy profound depth about life, but then cannot realize having his room such a mess he cannot find anything is causing him frustration. To me, just clean your stinking room!

 

Yesterday he informed me that he didn't think he had any underwear. I asked if he had placed a whole lot in the in the laundry. Nope, only two pairs were in the laundry. Come to find out he had thrown all but two pairs away because they were too small and then worn those two for multiple days. At this point he thought they probably should be washed. This was the great solution. Not telling Mom or Dad who will easily take you to the store for new underwear.

 

Asynchrony is very exasperating. I do find myself having to remember to scaffold life situations way more than it seems I should.

[EndOfOrdinary]

Wow EOO, that is pretty deep stuff.

 

AEC, I read your original post, but was still thinking about how to respond. Hope you find what you are looking for. Never easy, is it? :grouphug:

Never a dull moment around here. Pretty soon we will just have put in enough time that I am sure the therapist can send all his children to Cambridge.