Terribly sad over end of homeschooling

[AimeeM]

I see your point, but a lot of these posts come across as " DH has spoken, and thus it is so." Or that DH's decision is the default position, unless he is convinced otherwise, like a parent. Just a vibe I get. Also, unless dh is handling the bulk of dealing with education, the mom should get more of a vote, imo. I realize tge dh in this case was helping.

Also realize that my take on these situations is colored by my opinion of institutional schools, which isn't positive.

But if mom gets more of a vote in education decisions, because she's handles the bulk of it, doesn't she also get a majority vote in EVERYTHING regarding the children (nutrition, medical, etc) for the same reason? Since he's working so that she can be home, doesn't that seem a bit unfair?

[FO4UR]

But if mom gets more of a vote in education decisions, because she's handles the bulk of it, doesn't she also get a majority vote in EVERYTHING regarding the children (nutrition, medical, etc) for the same reason? Since he's working so that she can be home, doesn't that seem a bit unfair?

 

 

It's not about "fair." I would never presume to make decisions that impact my dh's work off a whim that I think I know better...the income is 1/2 mine, so I have 1/2 the right to say so. No! He is there day in, day out, dealing with ALL the issues at the job and his instincts on those things are spot-on 98% of the time. 

Likewise, I am home with the kids day in, day out. I know on instinct exactly what the kids are *thinking*...I can smell the cold coming on...I see the reactions to foods/sleep/media...I sense the difference between tantrum and over-the-head. It is not that I'm greedy with control over the minions. There are details to the circumstances at home that dh is unaware of b/c he's working during the day.

 

On the big things, we agree. We both want well-educated kids. He trusts that my decisions are working towards that end. It would be different if our main goals were different. (If he valued socialization over academics, for ex.)

[Alicia64]

I think that first you need to go to a doctor and talk to him about your depression and anxiety.  Then I think you need to go to a marriage counselor either with or without your husband.  I would be very upset if my husband unilaterally made a decision like that.

 

I'm saying this very gently and with care: Jean in Newcastle is right. I struggled w/ an ongoing depression for years. We live in 2014 -- not 1914. There's a load of help out there. For the kids' sake, get a handle on your depression and anxiety. Start w/ your GP. He/she can be a huge help. It sounds like you have something called dysthymia. Google it and if it is what you have, talk to your dr. about it.

 

And, then, definitely go to a marriage counselor. I'm not saying it's the be-all, end-all, but it's a start. You want better communication w/ your husband. Your needs matter here too.

 

Obviously I haven't read the entire thread -- I just wanted to respond to your initial post.

 

Take good care,

 

Alley

[Minli]

Check if a referral from a general practitioner would lower the fee for a psychiatrist. Also check what medical benefits your husband's employer provide for family members.

 

No such option here and the medical insurance does not cover it either.

 

 

4blessingmom the expectations-not just related to homeschooling, but to all areas of life- IS a real problem. They are high but I don't know how to lower them. What if I demand too little...

 

LLMom I've started reading your encouraging blog,

[duckens]

 

Amyonthefarm says:

Please go see your dr.  Talk with a professional about the depression.

 

When you fly on an airplane, the flight attendant instructs you to put your oxygen mask on first, before helping others.  Why is this an important rule for ensuring survival?  Because if you run out of oxygen, you can’t help anyone else with their oxygen mask.

 

This is an important metaphor for those of you who run around taking care of everything and everyone else except yourself.

 

Once I learned how to put my own oxygen mask on, I became a different Mom.  I stopped screeching and screaming.  I was less stressed, my house was actually cleaner and my family happier.  The old adage, "if Momma ain't happy, ain't no body happy!" was true in my house.

 

Hugs

:iagree:

 

1) This could be time lost or time gained.  Use it as time to heal yourself.  Use it to heal any issues in your marriage.  And you have a baby in the house.  Hold him a whole bunch (not that you aren't now)!  Read to him and give him enrichment activities every day (not that you aren't now)!  Take a nap when he does!  Use this gift of time with your baby, time for yourself, and rest.

 

2) I have had my fair share of mental health issues (severe depression/anxiety) in the past.  As much as I love homeschooling and being with my daughters, I would put my girls into public school in a New York Minute if I felt that my mental illness was not in a "manageable" place.

 

3) I depend on Loverboy to be a Firewall in this sort of situation.  If he ever worries about my behavior interfering with the care of our girls (from homeschooling to giving them a PBJ sandwich in the middle of the day), he has my permission and knows the phone calls to make to ensure I get the help I need, and our daughters have the care they deserve.  We have discussed this many times, and although I may resent it at the time, I ultimately trust him to make the best decisions under the circumstances for our girls.

 

4) You are NOT a failure.  You gave your children the gift of homeschooling for longer than most people do.  This is amazing if you are in a community without much homeschool support!  Saying, "We're going to try something different now," doesn't make you a failure.  It means you are open to trying new things...which is good.

 

Amazing moms make the best decisions for their kids, and amazing homeschool moms know when it is time to take a season in public school.  Be amazing!

 

5) We don't know what the future holds for your family for homeschooling.  I'll bet these boards are full of people who have gone back and forth with the public school.   I dare you to start a thread asking for peoples stories of homeschooling, then not, then homeschooling again. :laugh:

 

However, I'm pretty sure that if you don't take care of #1 on this list, homeschooling will not be likely.

[FO4UR]

4blessingmom the expectations-not just related to homeschooling, but to all areas of life- IS a real problem. They are high but I don't know how to lower them. What if I demand too little...

 

 

 

 

Reflect on what things matter. 

 

Some things matter, but not as much as others. You cannot be perfect, so something has to give. If homeschooling is a top priority for you, then you need to *carve* out the time and space for that to happen. Purposefully place boundaries in your life and in your home to foster the things that are highest priority. Refuse to allow lesser things to push out your top priorities.  (Your emotional health is Top Priority!)

 

If you demand too little...To say this gently, if you don't know how to lower your expectations, then perhaps those expectations were never yours to begin with. Maybe the word "No." might be in order. I don't know enough about your situation to say, but there is a sound of helplessness in this post. 

 

"What is the worst thing that will happen if...?"

 

Ask that about everything in your life. You will find where those expectations come from.

[Minli]

I pray to God to give you all back multiplied the help you offered me! I am grateful beyond words and determined to find peace with myself.