Wendi Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 Here's my situation: My 11yo ds has SPD, LD, etc. He's inflexible, very intense, and very sensitive to things like being overtired or not feeling well. He's a perfectionist, too, so it's hard for him to keep working at something when he's not doing well. Yesterday, he was very stuffy when he woke up (allergies). He was just "off" in his attitude from the get-go. School couldn't really proceed; as soon as I started trying to work with him, he went into a meltdown. When he was calmer, I figured it would be better to let him rest in bed. So he rested and read a book. I'm still working in the afternoons (next week's my last week), so that meant school was a bust for the day. We're trying to double up a bit today (and hopefully tomorrow), to get caught up. He's fine today! How do you handle things when your child is just "off" and there doesn't seem to be any point in trying to teach him/her anything? Wendi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiki Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 Great question! Ds was way off today. He did have to finish his work this afternoon so he could watch the Olympics. I'll be keeping an eye on this thread. Kirstin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MicheleB Posted August 15, 2008 Share Posted August 15, 2008 I think what you did, having him read in bed, was fine. Especially if it's a book he'll learn something from. Or watch an educational program. Or something that he feels he can handle but still helps reinforce something he's learning. I'm a big fan of reading aloud. My 9yo ds reads at about a kindergarten level. So I read aloud to him a lot. If your ds enjoys you reading to him, just do that. It's all learning. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted August 15, 2008 Share Posted August 15, 2008 I don't give the day off unless ds is sick enough that I wouldn't send him to ps, or that I or dh would stay home from work with. My ds will be 12 soon. One thing that I've realized in the last 6 months is that there were too many times when I've erred on the side of accomodating his mood because of his disabilities. Ds, of course, noticed that and took full advantage. We're now working on the character issues that developed as a result of too much empathy/sympathy on my part: complaining, habit of not sticking with something (when the going gets tough.. the kid gets going--out the front door to play), etc. In other words, I thought that I was doing the right thing in lowering or adjusting expectations because of his disability; what I was really doing was being suckered by a kiddo who realized he had me wrapped around his finger! The result was a character issue that we're now working hard on. So to answer your question, now, at our house, if ds is "off" I say, "Tough. When I'm off, I have to go to work. Dad has to go to work. I have to get your meals, etc. whether I'm off or not. You need to learn to do stuff you don't like to do when you don't feel like it." If he's sick, then he's sick, and stays in bed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MicheleB Posted August 15, 2008 Share Posted August 15, 2008 Well, I guess Laurie said it all! So true and a great approach. :) In my defense (as I realize I sounded coddling ;) ) I guess I was thinking more of days that are REALLY awful for both of us, and not *routinely*. FWIW. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klowee Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 Hi Wendi, You just spoke my situation so completely! I can't say that I can help you with this, but I look forward to seeing how other families deal with this. This consists of 95% of our issues. His behavior, rigidity, lack of ability to re-focus, complete frustration once he gets one thing wrong...ugh! It is utterly exhausting. I would love to be able to do what Laurie4b does, but with my ds...I wouldn't win. Now, granted, I know there are times that he does manipulate me, but I usually can tell when I can push him and when it would be futile. I wish, so desperately, that he was able to function better in this, but I don't know what to do anymore. I have tried every curriculum out there, every method...at this point I am hoping for him to have basic math skills and read fluently, both of which we still struggle with. I can't even really think about getting to do more fun things in school...hands on, experiments, history projects, etc...because we can't get past the basics. I don't know....wish I did!! I'm right there with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LisainWA Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 It helps to really know your child well. Some people aren't affected by how they feel, and some people are. If you "make" your child tough it out, is he/she going to really learn anything or retain the information? Mixing SPD & LD's along with a cold or not feeling well can really put a child over the edge (SPD) because their brain is being overloaded with feelings or mis-messages which makes it harder to cope with the LD's. One of my teen w/ ADHD can do schoolwork while not feeling great unless he has a headache and it affects his ability to concentrate. Another of my teens who has AS, ADHD, SPD, anxiety disorder, and various LD's CANNOT handle school when she is feeling "out of sorts". This can be caused by mixing SPD & an adjustment to her braces, SPD & PMS, anxiety disorder & thunder storm, or a day where something is wrong (feels hot & cold - like today) and chores are too hard. She is soon to be 16 yrs old and works at about the 6th grade level. We have found that she has significant memory issues that has caused her to NOT retain information, reading comprehension is a problem as well as working with language in general. We take it one day at a time. I still have 3 more weeks before we start school up again. I am so thankful to have these two at home!! (My 18 yr old AS & ADHD son will soon be starting his 2nd year at our regional vocational school. He will be able to stay at this school until he is 21 w/ IEP. I am covering life skills/transitional skills with him as a parttime homeschooler now.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lwilliams1922 Posted August 19, 2008 Share Posted August 19, 2008 some days I get soooo frustated. some days it seems like nothing can get done (without me doing it for her) I don't want her dd/12 to get any more maipulaive than she already is so if it's a bad day and she cant get her work done, she is still required to sitt at the table. I don't let her go back to bed or play till she gets her work done even if it's not till the next day. In the morning when she gets up (Tuesday) We will try again at Monday's daily work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest tclosser Posted August 21, 2008 Share Posted August 21, 2008 :001_huh: Hi Wendi, You just spoke my situation so completely! I can't say that I can help you with this, but I look forward to seeing how other families deal with this. This consists of 95% of our issues. His behavior, rigidity, lack of ability to re-focus, complete frustration once he gets one thing wrong...ugh! It is utterly exhausting. I would love to be able to do what Laurie4b does, but with my ds...I wouldn't win. Now, granted, I know there are times that he does manipulate me, but I usually can tell when I can push him and when it would be futile. I wish, so desperately, that he was able to function better in this, but I don't know what to do anymore. I have tried every curriculum out there, every method...at this point I am hoping for him to have basic math skills and read fluently, both of which we still struggle with. I can't even really think about getting to do more fun things in school...hands on, experiments, history projects, etc...because we can't get past the basics. I don't know....wish I did!! I'm right there with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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