How to deal..perfectionist child and writing?

[grantmeawish]

My ds is 8 and we use IEW.  We like the program, so I don't think that is the problem.  I think its my son's desire for perfectionism.  He writes a rough draft and now is able to get through it without too much anxiety.  The anxiety stems from having to cross out words or mistakes.  He wants the paper to look perfect.  Once we get to copying the final draft, it is all out meltdowns(throwing things, crying, etc.)  He rips out pages and huffs and kind of freaks out because he has to keep starting over, even though I tell him to just put a line through the mistake OR write in pencil!  He doesn't want to write in pencil.  SO today I am fed up.  I kept my cool and did not yell.  I told him he has to do each paragraph on a separate page because breaking it up into chunks of writing will help with continuity.(he gets lost when he has to flip through multiple page to find where he was copying)  This idea sent him through the roof!  He flips out and says "I will get a bad grade!"  (I don't give grades?)  I tell him this is how I want it and am totally fine with it being separated kind of like chapters.   He is still steaming and glaring and wants to do it his way.  This child is a good kid but as soon as you do something he doesn't, he flips out.  He has always been this way.  I think I should stand my ground today on the paper since we have tried it his way several times and it continually leads to frustration and tons of paper.

 

I guess this is a parenting issue.  Any advice?  Thanks

[wapiti]

Teach typing

[Rosie_0801]

With perfectionists, I really push how important it is to be good at trying and practicing. They don't want to be bad at those things either, lol.

[boscopup]

Are you using the videos? Pudewa talks about how you want to have a messy rough draft (in pen!), and you should do the final copy in pencil.

 

My son wasn't so dramatic, but he is a perfectionist. IEW helped train that out of him. Finally, he can write a pretty good amount without complaining or freaking out. It may have tons of misspellings, but I'm considering that progress anyway! He catches the errors during proofreading.

[Staceyshoe]

There are some wonderful children's books about perfectionism.  We read those, and it opens up discussion.  We've even adopted some of the phrases from books into our everyday language--"having the courage to be imperfect," etc. 

It also seems to help if we talk about the situation ahead of time --  We're moving ahead in writing, and I know you've been frustrated in the past.  I know you want to do it well, and that's great.  But the real goal is not that you write the best paper ever.  The real goal is that you write a paper without tears, tantrums, ripping of paper, etc.  If you start to feel frustrated, what are some things you can do to help calm down so you can think more clearly?

Honestly, one of the best things for both of my little perfectionists has been learning to play the piano.  The first wrong note, and there was *sobbing* and talk like "See!  I can't do it!!"  But every day they make mistakes.  Every day they can see that they are making huge strides by continuing despite the mistakes.  I think that learning to cope with mistakes is a skill that comes easily to some.  Others need consistent daily practice in order to develop it.  They need to be challenged every single day in order to gain the practice they need.  It can come in many many forms.  For us, the piano was easy to implement and is working well.  Often when they are frustrated by another task, we can talk about their early frustration at piano.  It helps to have an "overcoming" experience to refer back to.

(hugs)  Perfectionism is the most difficult trait I've faced in parenting.