To homeschool or not?

[Tina K]

Hello,

 

My kids have been in public school for six years, this year is the sixth.  My oldest two seem to have done fine.  My youngest two seem to be having problems, one is a junior the other is a freshman.  Both of them have very poor grades and don't seem to really care.  Every night I ask if they have homework and the answer is no, I tell them they need to study since they have low grades and they say they have nothing to study, I don't believe them but I'm at my wits end and don't know how to proceed other than to pull them.  My junior is a girl and she's more interested in the social aspect of school than the academic, especially with her boyfriend, and we've had numerous conversations with her and she's been grounded (no phone, etc) since the second half of her freshman year and her grades haven't improved.  My freshman, a boy, has constantly had bully issues throughout his years of schooling (we are aware that some of the problem is his mouth & attitude).  I tried to home school him last year while I worked and it didn't work out (it was a struggle to get him to do school work), but due to various reasons I'm now working only part time.  

 

Would you remove them from school, especially the junior?  Or would you try something else?  

 

If I do remove them from school there's going to be a lot of anger from the junior, any tips on how to help with the adjustment?

 

Thanks for any tips or advice, I've reached a point where I'm feel like crying every night (and I never cry) and I want to give up on being a mom but I know I can't.

 

Tina

[Tiramisu]

Don't take these kids out of school right now, for your own sanity and for their stability. Motivating teens who aren't motivated to do school work is extremely difficult. I don't think homeschooling will help that part at all. If there are anger issues, it will be even worse. I don't mean to be negative but I don't think homeschooling is the answer to your concerns. 

 

Also, is there any chance that there are any un-diagnosed learning issues? When there are, kids can shut down and you can see the behaviors you're describing (lack of motivation, avoiding school work, lying about it, attitude). 

 

To be completely honest, your kids seem as though they could be depressed. It really couldn't hurt to explore that possibility, because if that's the case, things aren't going to change unless that's addressed. It's obvious you are also suffering from depression and if you can't get their cooperation, you should still do something for yourself ASAP, before you considering homeschooling or making any other change in your life. I'd suggest looking into family counselling, but I think you need something for just yourself, too.

[G5052]

I agree.  Mine are largely self-motivated and teach themselves now, although I have to keep on one more than the other.  That is really the ideal for homeschooling teens, although there is a whole spectrum on that of course.  Some parents are more involved than others, and some subjects require more parental time.

 

Homeschooling requires that you have a decent relationship with your students and can keep them going.  If you can't get those sorts of issues under control, homeschooling teens won't work,  It is not unheard of for homeschooling families to need professional help with family dynamics and parenting.

[Tina K]

 I was thinking about taking a few months (3 at most) of reading (not whatever they want but me guiding them), letting them choose a topic to research, fields trips, etc to hopefully deal with the motivation issue and then use Sonlight curriculum (or something like it) where text books aren't really used so that we could hopefully slowly build motivation and a desire to learn.  In going this route I would also concentrate on our relationship and work on fixing attitudes more than schoolwork to begin with.  One thing I did right is that they both love to read so I just need to make adjustments to their reading so it's more informative.  I was hoping that if I "de-school" them they might decide to put more effort in.  My daughter says she wants to be a marine biologist so I was going to concentrate on that for a while with her, etc.  Do you think something like that would work or is it too far into high school to try something like that?

 

Thanks for the advice!

Tina

[Tiramisu]

I wouldn't take the chance of experimenting in high school without figuring things out a little more. Say there's an un-diagnosed learning issue, it's not going to go away. You're going to want to know, especially if your dd has a goal of becoming a marine biologist. The very worst thing for a kid with depression *could be* extra time to explore their interests. It sounds awful, doesn't it? But lots of structure works against sinking in her own thoughts. Some people might think the opposite, but in any case, you'd want to be careful. When it comes down to it, from what you described in your first post, I think there very well could be a reason for the lack of motivation. I'd start there.

[Mom22ns]

I really don't think you can afford to de-school high schoolers. I'm also not convinced it will work. Even SL uses text books for math and science. I think your kids are too old to find motivation in the fun of learning, especially an 11th grader. My kids are those same ages. I would not want to try to deal with homeschooling if they didn't want to be pulled out! If your freshman is willing, there is time to work with him, but an unwilling Junior, no way.

 

I think contacting each of their teachers at school would be a good place to start. Explain that you want to help them, but they say they have no homework and you don't know what to have them work on. See if their teachers are willing to set up some kind of system (or already have one) for parents to know what is going on, what the assignments are etc. Use your dd's desire to be a Marine Biologist to help her be motivated.

 

I love homeschooling high school and I don't think it is ever too late to start, but I think unmotivated, unwilling students being forced to leave ps is a recipe for disaster.

[Trilliums]

I think the replies have made very good points, but your alternative of keeping them in school doesn't sound like a viable option, really. 

Tons of questions come to mind: Are they at risk of dropping out?  Can they attend the public school part time?  How lenient are the homeschool laws in your state?  Has your daughter looked into requirements for admittance to colleges?  Has she taken PSAT/SAT/ACT?  What math class is she in?  Are you near a community college or public university where they can take classes?  Do they have outside interests that can be channeled into productive activities?

 

I can imagine scenario of quasi deschooling for a few months, using literature or history sources with a lot of information absorption on their part but not much emphasis on producing written work.  Will they engage in discussing materials with you?.  If you want them to meet your state's standards for high school diploma, would probably have to get them back on track with science and math pretty quickly.

 

I'd still consider taking them out of school or finding other options.  :grouphug:

 

[Tina K]

I really want to thank everyone for giving their advice and suggestions, even if it might not have been something I wanted to hear.  I think I was dealing with depression more than them because I felt like it was my fault they were having issues because for the last 6 years I've been working on my bachelor and masters degrees and then working, which I'm now regretting.  I've also been trying to work from home and keep full time hours while taking care of my 7 month old grandson (a stressful situation in itself as my daughter's 19 & they live with us).  However, I've taken steps to go back to part time work which has greatly relieved my stress level.  We pulled the junior out of high school for a week after we found out she'd reached a level of physical intimacy with her boyfriend of 4 months that we did not approve of.   I guess I should have mentioned in my original post that it's not just the grades that we're worried about it's also the physical relationship that my daughter has become involved in and in light of my oldest already having a baby I know it greatly colors my opinion on these things. 

 

We put her back in and gave her a month to show large improvements in attitude and grades or we were going to pull her out permanently and my son with her since his grades aren't that good either (they're both currently flunking one class & a D in another, in fairness they also each have one A).  Since we gave her the one month to improve, within that month, I'm going to be contacting teachers and being more involved in their school work and making them sit every night to do homework or study.  If things are successful and we see a lot of improvement then I'll probably leave them where they are, if not then I'll probably pull them out. We've told her to break up with him but she hasn't and it's not something we can force as they go to school together and that is the only place they spend time together and they've been caught skipping lunch and trying to leave campus once.

 

They are not at risk of dropping out.  Our state is not that favorable to homeschoolers so they can't use the public school part time.  She has looked at colleges and tells me where she wants to go but I told her that I can't afford that school and she doesn't have the grades to get scholarships unless she changes things and she hasn't.  She did take a practice ACT and did not score very well, I think she got a 21 but I can't remember.  She's in Alg 2 and there is a community college close where classes could be taken.  In the de schooling mode I was going to require them to do at least math so they don't fall behind but other than that I was just going to have them do reading (history & lit) and then add in science later.

 

Once again I thank all of you for your advice, I will be discussing all of these points with my husband and the decision is not one that will be made quickly or lightly as I'm very aware that I'm dealing with high school and I don't want to mess them up.

 

Tina

[Tina K]

I forgot to mention that I'm also going to try and add some books and activities to what they're currently doing in school to hopefully give them a better understanding and a fuller education.

[Mom22ns]

I just want to give you a  :grouphug: .

 

I'm sorry you're going through such a rough season. I'm sure seeing your oldest with a baby has made you very sensitive to the relationship issue!

 

I think your plan sounds like a good one. One month will take them to Christmas break. If things are still bad, pull them. At least you will have given dd the opportunity to stay if she was willing to make the changes.

 

As for ds, does he want to homeschool? I wouldn't base it on his sister's success or failure in getting her act together. If he is willing, you could start making a plan and not send him back after Christmas break. You'd have almost a full 4 years to make a difference there. If he isn't willing, then give him the same ultimatum you gave her, but let the outcome hinge on his response, not hers.

 

Best wishes. 

[Julie of KY]

I'm not sure what you wanted to do, but I did want to throw one more comment out there.

 

IF you take them out of school, make sure you know what your options are as far as if you are committing to the rest of high school as homeschooling or if you can later put them back it. In some states/school districts, public schools will not accept homeschool credits and therefore if you pulled your child out for one or two years and then tried to put them back in, the school system would want to classify them the same as when they left and not count your credits at all.

 

There are lots of dynamics and I wish you the best in sorting out what is best for your kids.