please comment on 10yo summary-

[housemouse]

This is what was the final summary from my 10 yo after working on it for a week.  I try to give him pointers and he had books, videos and acces to computer for other research if he wanted. He is my "I hate writing" boy but he does not want any help from me. I need pointers to get this better.. Thank you.

 

 

                                                King Tut

 

• Introduction
• Birth and childhood
• Accomplishments
• Becomes pharaoh
• Death
• Conclusion

 

 

King Tut was born in 1321 B.C. in Tell El-Amarna.  He became pharaoh at the age of after his father’s death. When he became pharaoh at the age of 15, he had very littlepower and most Egyptians were poor. Tut was married to his half -sister Ankhesenamun. King Tut brought the traditional gods back to the temples that his father banned. He led an army that defeated the Syrians and Nubians.

 

King Tut died suddenly at the age 25.  Ay, Tut's chief minister and advisor, took the throne and married Tuts half- sister after his death. After King Tut's funeral, his mummy was brought to the Valley of the Kings. The tomb was robbed by the wokers who built it. In 1922 a man named Lord Carnarvon discovored the tomb of Tut. Many men tried to find out how he died. They thought he was killed on his chariot, was shot with an arrow, or was murdered.                                                                                

[Jean in Newcastle]

What is your goal?  As a biographical summary, for a ten year old, it seems fine to me over-all.  He does have spelling errors, so I would point those out to him.  And I would have him read the second sentence out loud to see if he could see what is wrong with it.  In fact, he could combine the second and third sentences very easily:  "When he became pharaoh after his father's death at the age of 15. . . "

 

A full edit:  

 

King Tut was born in 1321 B.C. in Tell El-Amarna.  He became pharaoh at the age of after his father’s death. When he became pharaoh at the age of 15, he had very little(space)power and most Egyptians were poor. (combine 2nd and 3rd sentences)  Tut was married to his half -sister Ankhesenamun. King Tut brought the traditional gods back to the temples that his father banned. He led an army that defeated the Syrians and Nubians.

 

King Tut died suddenly at the age 25.  Ay, Tut's chief minister and advisor, took the throne and married Tut's half- sister after his death. After King Tut's funeral, his mummy was brought to the Valley of the Kings. The tomb was robbed by the wokers(workers) who built it. In 1922, a man named Lord Carnarvon discovored(discovered) the tomb of Tut. Many men tried to find out how he died. They thought he was killed on his chariot, was shot with an arrow, or was murdered.              

 

(BTW - he might be interested to know that the most recent theories of King Tut's death is that he died of an infection after breaking his leg.)                                                                 

[trulycrabby]

Reported

[ErinE]

Reported

[Tree Frog]

reported. Again.