So discouraged with ds8 and foot dragging.

[LG Gone Wild]

Let's see, it's been about 2 hours for him to do very simply math. Scratch that, it's been about 3 hours now. We are doing multiplication and he was getting the concept down very fast. He was tasked to do 8 problems.

 

Foot dragging is a huge problem with him. I am letting it drag on right now because I am so angry that I am letting myself cool down and working with my other kiddo. I don't want to talk to him at all.

 

I made it clear that I had a task to do and that I expected him to complete that math work by the time I was done. When I came back, he had done pratically nothing. Timers work sometimes for him. But the point is that he ought to be able to do work alone without me hanging over him. And frankly I am fed up with trying tricks and gimmicks to get him to do what he ought to do. What I gave him was not difficult, merely exercising what he knows.

 

I have already decided to ban all extra curricula activities for a month. I will make it permanent if he continues this.:mad:

[bkpan]

all EC activities for a MONTH? He's still very young. I struggle with this at times here as well, but I would not consider such a long-term consequence for such a little guy. I would allow my ds to miss some fun, planned activity THAT afternoon - something logical to the behavior - if you don't finish math by such and such time, we'll have to miss X activity, or miss our planned snack at X time.

 

You might want to reconsider such a long-term punishment. He'd probably forget why he's not going anywhere after the first week! But, as I said, I do feel your pain. Just consider the age and maturity of your ds.

 

Kim in TN (used to be in NV)

[Lux Et Veritas Academy]

I would just sit down and do it with him. Sometimes that extra help goes a long way. I know because my 10 ds has been dragging in Math all of this month.

[Adrianne]

Boys can be so difficult at this age. You have the right too feel this way.

 

However, sometimes at that age it is hard to focus. He is so young. My ds 9 and I have been working on similar issues and I have found that my expectations were too high and punitive measures do not work well for us.

Maybe a reward system? Encourage him to get X amount of work done within some time and then he gets the reward. (for every one problem he completes, he gets a chocolate chip)

 

I have also found that it gets better with age and positive reinforcement. Of course, letting him not get his work done and miss his activities in the afternoon works well also. Then afterward we talk calmly and without anger about why he missed his activity and what he can do in the future to change it.

 

I takes time and patience. We still have those days when it takes 2 hours to do math and boy is it frustrating! GGGRRRR!

 

Try to take a few breaths and relax!

Adrianne

[ELaurie]

my ds8 does relatively little work independently.

 

There are reasons for this; visual processing issues / eye hand coordination issues - none of which may be relevant to your situation.

 

He's able to work independently some of the time, but this isn't something I can count on from day to day.

 

With my ds, I think it will be an acquired skill - I look forward to him being able to do more work independently next year than he can this year.

 

For now, a light handed approach (while still setting high standards), frequent breaks ans small rewards (M&Ms, chocolate chips) and a bit of silliness are the best ways I have found to encourage him.

 

(One "game" my dc particularly love is a variation on a story in the first book about Mrs. Piggle Wiggle. I pretend to be a "wicked queen" and tell them they should not complete their school work under any circumstances, because I do not want well educated subjects in my kingdom! This sets off a frenzy of productivity every time, and takes the edge off of our struggles. )

[Sunkirst]

I feel your pain! That was just like my DS and me a year ago (when DS was 8.5).

 

I had tried quite a few styles of carrot and stick with my son, and either I wasn't consistent enough, or the approach just fizzled out.

 

My DH is much more discipline oriented than I am, and I was always nervous about trying his ideas, but finally I decided that it was worth a try. Things we have changed:

 

1. Work begins right away. After I assign something I check back within 2-3 mins. If DS has started and understands, fine. If he hasn't started, I ask why. Sometimes he needs clarification, and we do that. If he's footdragging I ask him to do some physical exercise, and we begin again in 10 mins. If he procrastinates again, he looses all treats/rights for the day, and he does chores for the rest of the day. I handle whining the same way - I deal with it right away before it starts to grate on my nerves and drive me nuts.

 

2. I expect more, not less. I had gotten to where I was afraid to assign a whole math WS. I'd ask for 5 - 8 problems (if that's no problem sweetie...). I'd ask for 10 mins of reading, or 2 sentences of writing. Anything more was too much, and I wasn't prepared to handle the whining and complaining normal assignments would elicit. Now he does a math lesson a day (complete with warm ups and extra skills practice), 40 minutes of reading and 20 minutes of writing. Then we do fun stuff. Believe it or not, it takes less time to complete his work now than it did before, and he says he likes "the new school."

 

I think what really helped was to react right away to the whining and procrastination. I always tried to be super patient and kind and understanding. Unfortunately, I would snap suddenly and yell, or threaten some unenforceable punishment. Now, I'm dealing with issues when I'm still calm and rational. DS knows the consequences. If he flips out and overreacts to the exercise, he's up in his room all day. Things have gotten much better, and we actually get to do the "fun" school (history and science and art) much more now.

 

-K

[Mx5]

Let's see, it's been about 2 hours for him to do very simply math. Scratch that, it's been about 3 hours now. We are doing multiplication and he was getting the concept down very fast. He was tasked to do 8 problems.

 

Foot dragging is a huge problem with him. I am letting it drag on right now because I am so angry that I am letting myself cool down and working with my other kiddo. I don't want to talk to him at all.

 

I made it clear that I had a task to do and that I expected him to complete that math work by the time I was done. When I came back, he had done pratically nothing. Timers work sometimes for him. But the point is that he ought to be able to do work alone without me hanging over him. And frankly I am fed up with trying tricks and gimmicks to get him to do what he ought to do. What I gave him was not difficult, merely exercising what he knows.

 

I have already decided to ban all extra curricula activities for a month. I will make it permanent if he continues this.:mad:

 

Don't take it personally - just sit with him until he gets it done. With you there, it will go much faster. Resist the urge to compare him to your other kids, too.

 

This will pass. Keep perspective. He is only 8. My 8yo isn't doing multiplication at all yet, and I am wonderfully fine with that.

[LG Gone Wild]

I understand what you all are saying but there are times when he has to do what he has to do. I can't always be playing games or offering carrots in order for him to do an assignment. What I gave him really wasn't a lot or challenging. He does this foot dragging with other things as well, not just schoolwork.

 

Anyway, I ended up letting him go to an activity because I had already paid for it and plus, he needs an outlet. He did manage to complete some other things before we left.

 

I am going to dwell on this some more.