poppy Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 We'll have to disagree on it being a dramatic shift, poppy. We're coming at it from two different angles :) but hey, that's what makes the world goes 'round. I think the pool is a surface issue and the evolving relationship is the crux of the situation - maybe consciously, maybe not, on the part of the nephews and neices. Marriage is a big shift. I see this as being more about a newly married uncle than about pool use. It's a shame because instead of focusing on how to nurture changing relationships within an extended family, focus is now on easing the tension between sides drawn - old family and new family. I hope it's short-lived! The thing I can't get past is, what is the uncle supposed to do to ease this transition? They get told no they can't use the pool, they get upset at the new wife, and he's supposed to do what? I do agree with the others that he may have felt used before and is using his transition to married life to set new boundaries. I don't think that's wrong. It's not ideal, but how many of us are always straightforward with exactly what we want without having (or coming up with) an "excuse" to explain the change. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 I do agree with the others that he may have felt used before and is using his transition to married life to set new boundaries. I don't think that's wrong. It's not ideal, but how many of us are always straightforward with exactly what we want without having (or coming up with) an "excuse" to explain the change. But in this case the excuse seems to be the new wife. She's become a scapegoat (as far as I can tell, anyway) for the changes. So, I think it is wrong, not just "not ideal" for him to use her as an excuse to do something he (apparently) didn't have the nerve/guts/whatever to do before. At the very least he could/should have told his family members before the marriage that it was time to make some changes to his open-pool policy since his marital status was about to change. Nothing to be done about all that now. I hope for OP's family's sake everything blows over quickly! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4everHis Posted June 24, 2013 Author Share Posted June 24, 2013 But in this case the excuse seems to be the new wife. She's become a scapegoat (as far as I can tell, anyway) for the changes. So, I think it is wrong, not just "not ideal" for him to use her as an excuse to do something he (apparently) didn't have the nerve/guts/whatever to do before. At the very least he could/should have told his family members before the marriage that it was time to make some changes to his open-pool policy since his marital status was about to change. Nothing to be done about all that now. I hope for OP's family's sake everything blows over quickly! Thank you. I hope it blows over soon also. Tomorrow I may bring the 'bold' before the uncle. He at least needs to see his part in the process. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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