Help! I need to be able to think outside the box for my DS 15

[momto3boyz]

I apologize if this gets lengthy--I don't know exactly where to start. This has been my most challenging year homeschooling(we've always hs) and I just feel drained. I know many of you will understand so I come here for some insight and encouragement.

 

My oldest (15 ds) has struggled a great deal this year with anxiety. He was diagnosed with OCD & generalized anxiety when he was in 6th grade. (he's always been more of an anxious child) He has seen a counselor on an off since then and until this year that has always been enough to get him back on track. This year however, the anxiety was worse so he has been taking a low dose of zoloft. With the counseling and medication, he has much improved but is still struggling with some social anxiety and anxiety about school.

 

Here is where I really need some insight. He is a bright kid but has struggled with certain areas of school since kindergarden. As I new homeschooling mom back when we first started I thought that he would be a piece of cake to teach since he was such a little smarty. Wow--pride goeth before the fall! He struggle learning to read and when his younger brother started reading before him I took him to a reading specialist for a year. He then was reading in the 90th percentile, but still struggling with spelling and had some rote memory issues. I was told that would come--but it didn't. School increasingly caused him more and more anxiety. In 6th grade we had him tested by a neuropsyc.

 

His WISC scores: verbal: 128 97%

perceptual 104 66 %

working memory 86 18%

processing speed 88 21%

 

We were the neuropsycs first homeschooling family (she was fairly new). He was give a diagnosis for dyslexia because while his reading was in the average range, his verbal skills were significantly higher. She recommended Orton-Gillingham based phonics--that's about it.

 

We did see a tutor for a short while, but he hated it and I didn't see the benefit as really they just worked on his spelling because they didn't see a problem with his reading.

 

He has grown to increasingly hate school. I feel to blame. I know he is very frustrated and it causes much anxiety.

We just recently had him tested again by a Clinical Psychologist that specializes in educational testing.

 

Here are the most recent test scores: verbal 124 95%

Perceptual 117 87%

working memory 88 21 %

processing speed 100 50%

 

Subscores: similarities 15, vocab 16, information 11

block design 11 picture concepts. 16 matrix reasoning 11

digit span 6 letter/number sequencing 10

coding 8, symbol search 12

 

WRAT word reading 39% sentence comprehension 58%

 

summary from Psychologist--strong verbal reasoning with relative weakness in both short term and long term retention as well as visual motor processing. His relative weaknesses fall within the average, but are significantly lower than his strong and well above average verbal conceptualization.

 

He also stated that the difference in his cognitive processing likely impacts his anxiety symptoms.

 

I feel that the way we do school right now adds to his anxiety. I need some out of the box ideas so that he can feel successful. He is so perfectionistic that when he doesn't do something really well--he doesn't want to do it at all. It's all or nothing. Sorry this is so long--I just feel so discouraged and mad at myself for getting more of a handle on this sooner.

 

Thanks in advance for your help.

[forevergrace]

I can't offer much help as I am just beginning this process with the neuropsychologist. But I can relate to your feeling of discouragement, and feeling like how could you have not done something sooner. DD hates school at this point, and I am keeping her home for now. It is really hard!!!

Sending you hugs and prayers.

[dbmamaz]

I personally find the scores of those tests (when done on my now-teen) interesting but not very helpful.

 

So, what ARE you doing now, and in what ways does it not work? Thats a better place to start than test scores.

 

Oh, and does he know what he wants from life? by this age its good to start working backwards - obviously if he wants to be a rocket scientist or a comedian, you should be focusing on different things . ..

[kerenlynne]

Does he have a favorite subject? or an area of interest? DS loves history so that is our priority subject. I try to find as much as possible to make it interesting for him by including movies, documentaries and audiobooks to help. DS loves to absorb information but the written output level is terrible so I give him study questions that are multiple choice for content and we discuss everything else. Also if you can figure out what assistive technology helps the most, that can reduce some stress. We would be lost without audiobooks and a laptop for writing. I used Life of Fred over the past year because with the story and such it seems like a gentle way to do math, but with DS I think he needs more repetition so we are switching to TT when we get past this last pre-algebra book. Math is the subject that he just panics on and he is so far behind that I struggle to not let my worries affect him-that is part of the stress for these kids too IMO. They feel pressure from Mom and Dad to be more than they are or different than they are. The key words are Patience and Perseverance.

[Dandelion]

I feel that the way we do school right now adds to his anxiety.

 

I'd start here. What are you doing right now that adds to his anxiety?

 

Think about each subject and what his anxiety "triggers" seem to be with respect to that subject. With my DS, anxiety triggers have included certain workbooks, certain words I used to describe an activity, etc. It can really be anything. Sometimes just using different words or phrasing can go a long way in reducing anxiety.

 

Identify the triggers and then systematically eliminate them.

 

I need some out of the box ideas so that he can feel successful. He is so perfectionistic that when he doesn't do something really well--he doesn't want to do it at all.

 

 

Once you've identified and started eliminating the triggers, I'd focus on building in small wins in those areas/subjects where your DS is experiencing anxiety. By that, I mean set him up for success by purposely giving him work in such a way that he is guaranteed to experience some success with it. As you build up his confidence, his anxiety should subside.

 

Depending on the subject and what is causing him anxiety, you might:

• take a step back and have him work at a level that he has already mastered for awhile (the emphasis with this approach is on building confidence rather than building skills/knowledge - with the expectation that he'll likely be able to move forward more quickly and catch up once his confidence has been boosted and anxiety is reduced)

• change the way he does his work. Example: my DS has a lot of anxiety associated with writing. I used to have him complete his spelling practice in a workbook. To reduce anxiety, we now do all spelling practice verbally. Now, instead of dreading it, he enjoys it. It gets done quickly with zero anxiety, and there's no adverse impact to his skill development.

• give him control over the "how" as long as he meets your expectations of "what" needs to get done. In other words, give him an assignment but allow greater flexibility around how he completes that assignment. Don't dictate how he has to complete it. He might surprise you with some out of the box approaches of his own. And allowing greater control will likely increase his enjoyment of the work and ownership of the process.

• use a subject he especially enjoys/feels competent in as the backbone for the majority of his studies. So if he's a history buff, try to integrate his other subjects into his history studies as much as possible. Allow him to dig deeper into what he's passionate about. This is both to make it more relevant and interesting to him, as well as allow him to spend most of his time in the area in which he feels comfortable. Since he's 15, perhaps this would be a great opportunity to think ahead to possible career options and make a career interest the backbone rather than a traditional academic subject.

• outline with him ahead of time what "good enough" looks like on an assignment or project to combat perfectionism. Help him see that the 80% perfect assignment or project that actually gets done is always better than the 100% perfect assignment that you aim for but don't get done because your expectations weren't realistic. I've also found some great tips online about helping kids combat perfectionism. Just google "tips for helping kids overcome perfectionism".

 

HTH!

[momto3boyz]

I personally find the scores of those tests (when done on my now-teen) interesting but not very helpful.

 

So, what ARE you doing now, and in what ways does it not work? Thats a better place to start than test scores.

.

 

Oh, and does he know what he wants from life? by this age its good to start working backwards - obviously if he wants to be a rocket scientist or a comedian, you should be focusing on different things . ..

 

 

The reason I posted his test scores in that the Psyc. believes that having such a wide spread in score contributes to his anxiety. His ability to think and use words/ vocabulary etc. is quite a bit higher than is output.

For curriculum I am using a variety of things, but I have to say that the last couple of years because I was more concerned about high school and grading that I've gone to a much more traditional approach than I use to when he was younger.

It has been a balance trying to prepare him for college (right now that is his goal) and keeping school enjoyable.

 

He doesn't really know what he wants to do for a career--it changes. Some days the military others an prosecution attourney (he is good at arguing :glare: ) I don't see either the rocket scientist or the comedian :)

[Alessandra]

Have you followed Rivka's posts here? She is clinical psychologist in the Baltimore area and is beginning a practice of testing + recommendations for homeschoolers. I don't know if she does the recommendation part separately from the testing, but it might be worth an email.

 

http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/topic/468452-would-this-benefit-homeschoolers-market-research/