5th Grade- First Report w/ citations

[Paige]

This is my DS's first report that I required him to have citations from multiple sources. This is his 2nd draft. Please let me know what you think. I have no idea if he's doing ok compared to other kids his age. He's 5th grade and has only done book reports, poems, summaries, and personal stories before this. We are using APA because I prefer it. I have not read it since his first draft. I didn't want to feel compelled to go in and edit before posting. I am so bad about wanting to fix everything my way!

 

 

Clara Barton

Clara Barton is an amazing person. She was a good nurse and Red Cross President (Mary,1998). Her childhood's story had brought her to want to help in the Civil War which fatefully brought her in contact with the Red Cross. (Rose, 1991, and Gilbo, 1987). Clara Barton's childhood forged her to be what she became (Rose,1991).

Clara had many siblings which along with their mother and father taught Clara the skills of a scholar and soldier before even kindergarten (Rose,1991). When she went to school, she was the smartest pupil, but also the loneliest (Rose,1991). After a while of this, she grew pale and skinny (Stephen,2011). Her parents were forced to take her back (Stephen,2011). One day, her brother David was helping her father and others to build a barn, and David fell and got hurt and sick (Rose,1991). He was so close to death, but Clara helped him get better (Rose,1991). For about a year and a half, Clara did almost nothing but nurse him (Rose,1991). She hoped that one day, she could help others as she did David (Rose,1991). Clara Barton's childhood was what led her to be a nurse and the Red Cross' rise.

Clara Barton became a teacher at age seventeen (Rose,1991). At first she was shy as she had been years ago, but after a while, she became an expert teacher (Rose,1991). She would stop fights and help troubled kids (Rose,1991). One time, a few boys were fighting because of a ball game, then Clara came and told them they were not playing right and joined herself (Rose,1991). Even the most troublesome kid had to admit that Clara was good (Rose,1991). But even after all of this, she was denied the position of principal in the school she had made (Rose,1991).

Years later, the Civil War had started and the nurses were poorly trained(Rose,1991). Clara stepped into action and begged the government for supplies(Rose,1991). When she got them, she went to the battlefield to help, but when she got there she was startled (Rose,1991). She had never seen so many wounded people, some were even students she had taught in school. (Rose,1991) She risked her life to save others a lot (Rose,1991). Once, there were enemy troops coming and she was not done tending to others, but she stayed, finished her work, and escaped on the captain's horse (Rose,1991). When the war ended, she got sick and lost her voice (Gilbo,1987). She went to Europe to rest which eventually brought her in contact with the Red Cross (Gilbo,1987). The Red Cross wanted America to join (Gilbo,1987). The government did not want to join the Red Cross at first because they didn't want to follow its rules, but after a long dispute over it, they agreed to join (Gilbo,1987). Clara became the president of the Red Cross and stayed president for twenty- two years (IKW). Clara did a lot of good work in the late 1800's (Rose,1991).

The highlight of Clara's life was bringing the Red Cross to America. In Clara's opinion, the USA needed the Red Cross because of its many natural disasters and it would save lives (Stephen,2011). When she came back from Europe and told the government, they saw it as an “entangling allianceâ€, but finally, President Chester A. Garfield signed the Geneva treaty (Gilbo,1987). After the treaty, the Red Cross did its work mostly on disaster relief, but when World War One and Two came it was war (Stephen,2011). England and America held back on helping German soldiers which was part of the treaty that they signed (Stephen,2011). They were both afraid that they would use the supplies to make weapons (Stephen,2011).

The Red Cross is what keeps Clara alive. Clara Barton did many amazing deeds that are still taking affect today. She was an amazing teacher, nurse, and Red Cross president (Rose,1991). Clara may be dead, but she will always remain “the angel of the battlefield'.

 

Works Cited

 

Gilbo,P. 1987. The American Red Cross. Philadelphia;Chelsea House Publications

Mary,G.1998. Our Army Nurses:Stories from women in the Civil War. Roseville; Edinborough Press

Rose,M.1991. Clara Barton: Soldier of mercy. Philadelphia; Chelsea House Publications

Stephen,K.2011. Biography: Clara Barton. New York; DK Publications Special Markets

[kiwik]

Not that useful but since I have never heard of Clara Barton it took me a while to work out that it was probably the American civil war. He birth and death dates would be good. I don't know enough about what you expect from a child that age to comment on anything else.

[Paige]

Thanks! I forgot that I had told him he needed to put in the birth and death dates. Clara Barton was responsible for establishing the Red Cross in the United States.

 

I'm not sure what to expect out of a 5th grader either. I primarily wanted him to practice gathering data from different sources and putting it all together into a coherent essay. I told him to minimize direct quotations, but I hadn't expected that he'd use none. I expect proper grammar, punctuation, and for it to make sense. Other than that, I'm not sure what is reasonable; which is why I posted. I told him to keep it to under 2 pages. Since posting this, he's fixed his typos, his punctuation of the citations, and a few sentences that I didn't think were worded well. I've only graded college essays before and I'm trying to be more generous than I would have been with them. Although, this is better than some essays I saw turned in back then.

[mytwomonkeys]

my daughter is in 5th grade. i thought the paper was excellent for this age. if my daughter had written this, i would be pleased and find the assignment more than acceptable :)