Older child (14) with AS

[scrapbookbuzz]

I'm a little frustrated today. My daughter has Aspergers. I don't think she needs to be fixed or cured but good heavens! I wrote her a LIST, clear as day, of what need to be accomplished today, and she still didn't get through it without me prodding her along. Then she got mad at me because I made her do the dishes she hadn't done before I let her play. I was extra annoyed because I had planned to use that time she, and my son, were supposed to be work without my help, to attend a Virtual Career Fair. When she had her meltdown because she was mad at herself, I just told her she was on her own to figure it out today. I'd had it and sat back down at the computer. Harsh? Maybe. But honestly, sometimes my needs and wants will come first.

 

Guess what I really need to know is: can anyone relate?

[kerenlynne]

Absolutely! I write notes, lists, print a calendar, and still work doesn't get done. Excuses are "I forgot", "I did't know what you wanted me to do", "I didn't want to bother you", on and on. When we have a come to Jesus meeting DS is all apologetic and beats up on himself and the good work lasts for a day maybe! It is a battle between being too soft and too hard, but I hope when I get to the end of this school year, there will be a trend of things being a little better. Deep Breath! And as Scarlett says "Tomorrow is another day!"

[Faithr]

Raising teens can be exasperating, even if they are not Aspies. Aspergers really complicates things even further. My 14 yo isn't independent at all, but then right now he's also going through a very hard time with depression and he is off his a.d.d. meds. So he really truly does need the hand holding. I don't expect him to follow a list without me reminding him and cajoling him along. It is very wearying at times. But in a few years we'll have plenty of time for our needs. Right now we are in the trenches and fighting the battles. It does get very hard. Hang in there!

[8filltheheart]

Our 21 yr old ds is still not independent. He needs constant affirmation about any tasks he is completing. He cannot handle more than 2-3 step directions. If you give too many directions, he will start to shut down. For example, yesterday I needed him to do yard work (his main task around our home.) I could not tell him everything he needed to do. I had to break it down into small sections of the yard and focus on one single task to accomplish at a time. For example, we have had days of hard rain and high winds. I asked him to pick up all the branches in one section of the yard and stack them in certain spot. Only after that was done, did I direct him on to the next section.

 

If I had told him everything I wanted done initially, he would have said he couldn't do it and argued non-stop about what needed to be done. I have learned that it isn't that he doesn't want to work hard or can't do it, it all lies in how it is presented. ;) 2-3 small steps for a single task at a time leaves him feeling empowered and successful and gives me the opportunity to praise his work. A long list of what needs to be done leaves him overwhelmed, lacking in focus on what task to do when, and just plain frustrated which turns into a temper-tantrum bc he can't cope which really bothers him b/c he knows he should be able to if he were functioning like other young adults......his biggest struggle over all. He is very intelligent and knows that he is different and hates it.

[scrapbookbuzz]

thank you, Ladies, for your responses and encouragement. I didn't want to present my frustrations to my husband (yet) because so often his first response is, "so, let's put them in school" meaning charter school, because I have already told him I will NOT put them in public school again! Spring is always hardest, I think, for everyone who teaches are is being taught! God reminded me this morning to walk a wide berth around the comparison trap and that may have been part of my undoing yesterday. I also know (but don't always want to admit) that sometimes it takes my daughter a couple of years to learn what I think she should know NOW. I know this but try to hide from it sometimes, I think.

 

On a humorous note, I've often said, and still hold, that God creates moms with a 120 year life expectancy, because, knowing how our children will unwittingly taking years off of our life while under our care, that allows us to live to 80,90, maybe 100. If we didn't start out with that many years 'in the bank' we might just expire at 40! B^)

 

thanks again, ladies! Here's to a great day today!

[nowheregirl]

Absolutely! I write notes, lists, print a calendar, and still work doesn't get done. Excuses are "I forgot", "I did't know what you wanted me to do", "I didn't want to bother you", on and on.

 

 

I work at home full time and I hear that last one ALL the time. Variations include "You were on a conference call." and "You were staring at your computer." (Although God forbid I'm on a conference call and a non school related "crisis" occurs...) DD (not AS) is also 14 and she'll gladly do house chores without being nagged, but when it comes to school, I hear all kinds of excuses! I think it's more the age than any particular issue. We are on the verge of not earning a weekend trip to Grandma's house (unless a LOT is accomplished tonight). You will all hear the screaming if that happens... :bored: