laf919 Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 so, DH and I have just decided that we will be pulling our dd8 (3rd grade) from school at the end of the semester and will home school her starting in January. I am now wondering when we should tell her this is our plan. I was originally thinking of waiting until after Christmas break starts, but I would like to give her a chance to say goodbye to a few good friends at school. The last week before break there are lots of extra things, however, and I'm having trouble deciding when we should say something to her - how much time she needs to process, etc. I don't want to tell her teacher until the very end, because I can see the teacher - with the best intentions in the world - making a big deal out of dd leaving, and I know dd will hate that. So I am thinking I will go by the school the last day before break while I know dd's teacher is on her lunch break to officially notify the school. I am also going back and forth over what to tell the school. DD is gifted, and this school has done little if anything to accommodate that in the last 2 and 1/2 years. We are tired of waiting and tired of her being bored and getting no accommodation from the teacher this year (last year's teacher did accommodate some, which made it bearable. This year - nothing - "3rd grade is really challenging" is the line from the teacher, and it's not - at least for dd). I would love to hear what others have said/not said to the school and why - some BTDT advice/stories would be welcome here - as I face writing the withdrawal letter. (We are in IL, so we have minimal requirements, but I will officially withdraw her so we don't have to deal with being accused of being truant.) Also, we are choosing to leave our younger dd in k at the same school this year - her teacher is wonderful, gets how gifted our younger dd is and is working with her - so I don't want to totally burn bridges. Make sense? Anyone willing to talk me off the ledge here and remind me that in 20 years this probably won't matter at all? :lol: Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathy G Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 I have been in your shoes. Here is what I did when I pulled out DS (3rd grade) and left dd in (kind) That was 5 years ago and now all three homeschool. There is more that one way to do this well- here is what we decided. I wanted to leave the school on good terms because my daughter was there. So I went in and talked to the principal myself. I told him DS felt he wanted to "work at his own pace" and we felt it was in his best interest to have that opportunity. I also told him how much we loved our kindergarten teacher (all true). I made sure after I pulled DS that I continued to be supportive of the school vocally. Only those very close to me knew the real reason we pulled DS. 2 years later when I pulled DD out in the middle of the year I discussed the possibility with her. She wanted to leave and together we planned a date 2 weeks later. She even wrote a note for her teacher (whom we loved as he had unsuccessfully fought the system to get her challenge) How does your child feel about school? That was easy for us as DS and DD both wanted to leave when it happened. Good luck! It gets easier within a month of leaving and it all dies down. Just grin and get through it and know you are doing what is best for your situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wapiti Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laf919 Posted November 13, 2012 Author Share Posted November 13, 2012 thanks for the comments - more are welcome. To answer some questions - she has had a mixed response to me asking her about home school. We did homeschool for k with her (in the middle of moving and she was already so far ahead that I didn't see the point of messing with it) and so home school is not a totally foreign concept to her. Her response is always "I wouldn't get to see my friends every day." which is true and "but I wouldn't be bored" which is also true, I hope. I think she will be fine with it - we are planning to tell her that we make these decisions year by year - and it is possible we will make a change in the future and if she hates it, we won't continue past this spring - but I doubt she is going to hate it. Me being able to keep up and challenge her on an on-going basis is up for debate, but I am going to try ;) I am so excited, really - and I think she will be too. Part of me wants to tell her now, so we can talk about what I'm planning for us to do - but I don't want her to have to not tell people at school yet - and I would really rather not tell them until the last moment. (there is no required notification in IL, just the recommendation to formally withdraw so that the truancy officers don't have an excuse to visit.) I am still mulling over what to tell her teacher and the principal. This is a fairly small school (about 250 students) and the principal is great IMO - knows each kid by name, out in the hallways, really involved and promotes a very positive environment. That is part of why we've kept dd in school this long. But 3rd grade starts all of the emphasis on standardized testing and preparing for that (since October - the test is in February) and it is just so much drill and kill that it is driving dd crazy. And her teacher, while nice and good with the class, doesn't get how smart dd is or how bored she is. I have been told several times this semester "things will be getting harder" and from listening to other parents, I think they are for the typical 3rd grader - but dd is far beyond that. And the reality is that much of what I find so horrible (i.e. Saxon math) is set by the district and the teacher and principal have no control over that. So in a very real way, there is a lot that is not their fault and they are powerless to do differently than they are. Which is frustrating. Anyway, I am trying to write a letter that expresses both gratitude for the teachers dd has had (all have been good - last year's was excellent) and frustration with there being no real effort to accommodate dd in any meaningful way. (did I mention that the district cut all gifted programming due to budget constraints about 2 and 1/2 years ago? Right after we moved here......) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boscopup Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 I pulled my son out halfway through 1st grade. I told him as soon as we made the decision. I emailed his teacher maybe a few weeks before Christmas break? I included praise for her trying to work with DS, and said I was going to homeschool so he could work at his own pace. I pointed out how much I loved the people at the school. After I emailed the teacher, who understood, I then gave my formal withdrawal letter to the office. At the Christmas party on the last day of school, the teacher told the kids to day good bye to DS. That was when the tears came... for me. :D I think we parents tend to worry about this process more than we need to, because it's so new to us. The school has probably seen it before. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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