My 11 year old daughter's writing

[Lopsided]

My dd loves to write. She in sixth grade, and has always had a love for literature, ever since she was little and in second or third grade. People have told her she's good with words, but she remains and stands by that she isn't good enough and needs to improve. After receiving some very helpful feedback from another question on this site, I've requested for her to write two pieces for people to critique upon. She wrote these two pieces in around 50 minutes (she's trying to get used to writin in a specified amount of time.) They're slightly rushed and in my opinion some parts didn't flow very well, but I think it's still a pretty good effort for this amount of time.

 

These are not completed stories. I just told her to write as much as she could. She's new to this time limit, so I'm allowing her to write two separate stories for now. Soon, it will be shortened to one.

 

Thanks!

 

--

 

Arvid was fourteen when he first died.

 

He remembered running along the beach, his bare feet sinking into the soft sand and creating a tickling sensation. He remembered joking with his friends and winking at the girls who were blushing and shamelessly flirting with him. He also remembered surfing, waiting in the water for over an hour just to catch a good current and laughing in exhilaration as he rose to the tip of the waves.

 

And then, the next thing he knew- he was dead, transformed into a wispy soul floating between the land of the living and the afterlife.

 

It was unexpected, and had been a hard thing to accept at first. The fact that he was no longer known as living person was strange and disturbing. Arvid had went to his funeral - seen the flowers and the tearful goodbyes from family and friends, and he had felt a sense of longing, watching his own body being lowered into a coffin. But he knew that he could never return. Once you choose to be a ghost, you stayed that way.

 

And he soon got used to it. He got used to living his happy, ghostly life. He grew accustomed to knowing that no one can see him except his own kind, and even his own kind floated through him constantly.

 

He belonged. He was content with where he was.That is, until someone up there decided it would be nice to turn his dead life upside down. Again.

 

 

--

 

 

“Finally.”

 

 

The word were a hiss. A whisper, said between clenched teeth. A faint sound, and yet it seemed to echo and bounce off the blank walls of the vacant room.

 

 

Crypt pushed the papers cluttered on his desk aside and chuckled slightly to himself. Sighing through his nose, he stared down at the contract with a sense of satisfaction, turning the sheet of paper over and over in his hands and stroking the ink. He took a long drag from his cigarette and grimaced slightly before he smoothed his features. Powerful men, in his opinion, always smoked. And Crypt was very powerful.

 

 

The self-concious chuckling paused, then quickly escalated into booming sounds of involuntary, insane laughter. Powerful,Crypt thought. He liked that.

 

 

The laughter wasn’t of amusement, but of accomplishment. A job well done.

 

 

After the bout of crazed laughing died down and silence once again fell upon the room, Crypt wiped the excess tears from his eyes. He didn’t have the need to cry, so the tears were mainly just for show, but he liked to practice. Practice made perfect, and although in his opinion he was already close to perfection, it didn’t hurt to practice some more.

 

“You’re too late.” The croaky voice came from behind abruptly, and Crypt whirled around in shock, the momentum from his wheeled chair almost sending him toppling onto the ground. Clearing his throat in slight embarrassment, Crypt tried to slide gracefully back into his chair in an attempt to regain his composure.

 

He turned to glare at the person who spoke, annoyed with showing a moment of clumsiness,*and was met by the gnarly and shrunken face of Gringar. Shifting back involuntarily at the smell of rotting meat, Crypt did his best to sound commanding.

 

“What are you doing here?” He asked in the steadiest voice he could muster. The old lady looked up at him beady black eyes, an odd expression on her face, and Crypt’s throat made a weird squeaking sound before he covered it up with a cough.

 

--

 

These are what she has written, word for word. I havn't edited anything.

 

My dd and I are also exploring different styles of writing here. She was used to writing in a different, more humourous, and a style with more dialogue, but I wanted her to practice a variety of different writing styles.

 

Thanks in advance! :)

Edited October 18, 2012 by Lopsided

[Lopsided]

Any reply would be appreciated. And I just wanted to add- does anyone know of some good writing programs for 11 year olds? The ones I have heard of are all for 3-9 yr olds...

[Pen]

NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) = November, materials for work on plotting story, etc. available at their website right now.

 

There are many writing programs for children over age 9, including IEW, WWE/WWS, Zaner-Bloser Strategies for Writers, and many many many more.

 

For that you might want to start a thread under curriculum where more people will see it. This forum is more for giving input on writing samples.

 

 

I would say that she is very, very good with words for her age, that is true. And also, it is very true that she needs to improve--especially, that is, if she wants to be an author, if that was about this same child. Writing pretty well for an 11 year old is one thing. Writing very well is another and is very hard work. If she has the desire to put in the work she will no doubt improve. I don't think there is a "perfect" stage, but practice makes better.

 

Of the two samples, I personally was more intrigued by the first and would be interested in seeing what happens, what the next thing is that turns his life upside down, and what will then happen. It was a pretty good starting hook. I also would be interested in knowing what her own preferred style and voice, as you said, more humorous and with dialogue would yield. Maybe she could work with this piece further. Others might prefer the second, that was just my personal reaction.

 

I personally don't think there is any point working on revision of the existing material until a whole first draft of a complete story is done. Then what needs to be revised is likely to be more obvious. I also know from sad personal experience that getting sucked into the edit stage too soon tends to kill the whole story.

[Lopsided]

NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) = November, materials for work on plotting story, etc. available at their website right now.

 

There are many writing programs for children over age 9, including IEW, WWE/WWS, Zaner-Bloser Strategies for Writers, and many many many more.

 

For that you might want to start a thread under curriculum where more people will see it. This forum is more for giving input on writing samples.

 

 

I would say that she is very, very good with words for her age, that is true. And also, it is very true that she needs to improve--especially, that is, if she wants to be an author, if that was about this same child. Writing pretty well for an 11 year old is one thing. Writing very well is another and is very hard work. If she has the desire to put in the work she will no doubt improve. I don't think there is a "perfect" stage, but practice makes better.

 

Of the two samples, I personally was more intrigued by the first and would be interested in seeing what happens, what the next thing is that turns his life upside down, and what will then happen. It was a pretty good starting hook. I also would be interested in knowing what her own preferred style and voice, as you said, more humorous and with dialogue would yield. Maybe she could work with this piece further. Others might prefer the second, that was just my personal reaction.

 

I personally don't think there is any point working on revision of the existing material until a whole first draft of a complete story is done. Then what needs to be revised is likely to be more obvious. I also know from sad personal experience that getting sucked into the edit stage too soon tends to kill the whole story.

 

Thank you so much. I have heard that WWE/WWS helps greatly with writing non-fiction. I'll try that. (non-fiction's not her strong point.)

 

And thank you so much for taking time to reply to this and for the advice! I've told her that in order to improve she has to write a lot more and read a lot more. She agrees that her writing needs a lot more improvement if she wants to be a successful author when she grows older. And I'll tell her to try to expand these pieces and edit later.

 

My dd has a problem though. She says she can't resist starting to read over and edit her own work (adding tid-bits... revising sentences.etc) in the middle of writing. Is there any way I can help/stop that?

 

Thank you! :)

[TranquilMind]

Pen: I would say that she is very, very good with words for her age, that is true. And also, it is very true that she needs to improve--especially, that is, if she wants to be an author, if that was about this same child.

 

 

I agree. That is one creative kid.

 

Of the two samples, I personally was more intrigued by the first and would be interested in seeing what happens, what the next thing is that turns his life upside down, and what will then happen. It was a pretty good starting hook. I also would be interested in knowing what her own preferred style and voice, as you said, more humorous and with dialogue would yield. Maybe she could work with this piece further. Others might prefer the second, that was just my personal reaction.

 

I liked the first better also.

 

I personally don't think there is any point working on revision of the existing material until a whole first draft of a complete story is done. Then what needs to be revised is likely to be more obvious. I also know from sad personal experience that getting sucked into the edit stage too soon tends to kill the whole story.

 

Totally agree. She needs to get a whole story out there. For a real writer it just flows and you really shouldn't stop that flow (daughter of a writer). Then she can edit, repeatedly.

[Pen]

Thank you so much. I have heard that WWE/WWS helps greatly with writing non-fiction. I'll try that. (non-fiction's not her strong point.)

 

And thank you so much for taking time to reply to this and for the advice! I've told her that in order to improve she has to write a lot more and read a lot more. She agrees that her writing needs a lot more improvement if she wants to be a successful author when she grows older. And I'll tell her to try to expand these pieces and edit later.

 

My dd has a problem though. She says she can't resist starting to read over and edit her own work (adding tid-bits... revising sentences.etc) in the middle of writing. Is there any way I can help/stop that?

 

Thank you! :)

 

Tell her to picture the desire to stop and edit in the middle as a big bad monster who wants to defeat her desire to actually achieve her important quest--which is to get a whole story draft done. She has to use all her creative powers to outwit that monster and reach the end first.

 

Then she can go back and let the monster help her with revising and editing.

[Lopsided]

Tell her to picture the desire to stop and edit in the middle as a big bad monster who wants to defeat her desire to actually achieve her important quest--which is to get a whole story draft done. She has to use all her creative powers to outwit that monster and reach the end first.

 

Then she can go back and let the monster help her with revising and editing.

Thank you. She says she hopes this works and she's off to write now. :)

[Harriet Vane]

Quick response:

 

Her writing is pretty mature, and she definitely shows a knack for it.

 

The first one has a great start but loses steam at the end. The reader needs more details rather than the quick summary she gives.

 

I liked both pieces, though, and think that both have potential. If I were to pick which one to focus on initially, I would probably go with the first.

 

The desire to revise as you go can cripple a good writer, because they lose steam before the end. I would advise her to keep writing and resist the urge to tweak the wording and such until she has pounded out the bulk of the story.

 

That said, different writers have different needs and different styles. Some will outline a story ahead of time and work out the characters first, then write within those guidelines. There is a detailed plan, and they know what happens and how it ends before they start the real writing.

 

Others find that all too confining and need to just write and let it flow, then revise heavily afterwards. It's a very individual thing. Your dd should experiment with a number of ways to write, from the organized to the free-flow, and see what works best. This is something she will explore for numerous projects over some time (years?).

[Pen]

Quick response:

 

Her writing is pretty mature, and she definitely shows a knack for it.

 

The first one has a great start but loses steam at the end.

 

I did not feel like it lost steam at the end. I thought that was a good hook.

 

 

The reader needs more details rather than the quick summary she gives.

 

...

That said, different writers have different needs and different styles.... It's a very individual thing. Your dd should experiment with a number of ways to write, from the organized to the free-flow, and see what works best. This is something she will explore for numerous projects over some time (years?).

:iagree: Good points. Maybe for her revising as she goes would be okay.

[Lopsided]

Quick response:

 

Her writing is pretty mature, and she definitely shows a knack for it.

 

The first one has a great start but loses steam at the end. The reader needs more details rather than the quick summary she gives.

 

I liked both pieces, though, and think that both have potential. If I were to pick which one to focus on initially, I would probably go with the first.

 

The desire to revise as you go can cripple a good writer, because they lose steam before the end. I would advise her to keep writing and resist the urge to tweak the wording and such until she has pounded out the bulk of the story.

 

That said, different writers have different needs and different styles. Some will outline a story ahead of time and work out the characters first, then write within those guidelines. There is a detailed plan, and they know what happens and how it ends before they start the real writing.

 

Others find that all too confining and need to just write and let it flow, then revise heavily afterwards. It's a very individual thing. Your dd should experiment with a number of ways to write, from the organized to the free-flow, and see what works best. This is something she will explore for numerous projects over some time (years?).

 

 

Thank you. My dd finds it helpful to map out the entire storyline before she starts writing. She says that if she doesn't write out her plot she loses track of what she's writing and has to constantly change her planned ending/beginning to fit her new storyline.