Need help with teen group dynamics

[dirty ethel rackham]

Hi all,

 

My friend and I lead a teen lit club (actually she leads it and I am along for the ride and I host it in my home.) We are doing short stories and film this year and it seems to be going pretty well. However, we do have several really shy kids. We are a month into it and a few of the kids just don't seem to be getting comfortable yet. The first few weeks were somewhat painful, but most of the kids have come out of their shell. Of the shy kids, I was worried that they didn't want to be there. But, I have been assured by their parents that they are just very shy. One boy only speaks if you ask him a question directly. When we have social/snack time afterwards, he stays in the living room and pulls out his phone while almost everyone else hangs out around the food in the kitchen. Another seems to hold himself away from everyone in a very aloof way, and only talks when his mom comes to pick up her son and brings they much younger sister along (they are actually somewhat disruptive to the gelling process - I never thought I'd say that I wish a parent would get lost.)

 

I would like for the quieter kids to feel more comfortable. It doesn't help that we do have sort of a "4 Musketeers" of vocal kids who have been in this group before and have known each other for years. We are working on getting them to try to include the shy kids more. I don't think they are trying to exclude people, they just know each other pretty well and enjoy each other.

 

Another thing to mention - this is in my home and I have a big dog - he is a labradoodle and super friendly, but almost too friendly, especially to the boy who is allergic. A fair amount of my attention has been to try to keep him from being disruptive. Dd would help, but she is at a class and doesn't get home until the club is almost over. Being this social is work for me - I enjoy it, but I have to wear the extrovert suit and keep the dog from being a pest, which is tiring for me.

 

So, what suggestions do you have to help these kids not to feel like they have to withdraw as a security mechanism? This week is film week, so there won't be as much discussion except during snack time.

[kewb]

Do the kids do any kind of prep work prior to getting together? We have a couple of quiet ones in our teen group but over the years we have noticed a few things.

1. If asked a direct question they usually have something to say.

2. When we break the group off into smaller groups to complete an activity the quiet ones usually have a voice. to Peer on peer without an adult leader seems to get them talking.

 

We have also done a lot of working on making sure everyone gets a turn, patience while the quieter ones form thoughts, etc.

[dirty ethel rackham]

The group is 10 teens. It really is not conducive to breaking into smaller groups, plus I don't think the parents want this. We are working on asking direct questions to those who haven't voiced opinions, but we don't want to make them feel on the spot too much. On our regular weeks (not film weeks), we read two short stories (usually paired because they either have something in common or because they are an interesting contrast.) The students are are supposed to come with at least 2 things to comment on or talk about. We have sent out information about what kinds of things to look for.

[Lori D.]

I'm doing two co-op classes with teens, both based on discussion, and having a tough time getting the quiet ones to talk. However, a few things seem to help:

 

- Realize that some students are just not going to befriend the group, whatever the reason (in other words, do what you can to foster/facilitate socializing, but you can't MAKE people be social if they don't want to be). And some students may take FAR more time to warm up than you'd think -- it may be the last meeting before they begin to be at ease.

 

- Have an opening question and closing question in which everyone must share -- go around the room and each person takes a turn; start with a shy one, so they don't feel like their answer was "taken" by someone else. And since it is understood everyone will answer the question, it's not quite so "scary" to answer. My open/close questions for the Literature class: 1.) how did each of you summarize the chapter in one short sentence (think of "the big thing" for the plot, or theme, or major character choice, or what stood out to you as important, etc.). 2.) what did you especially like, was meaningful, was confusing, you wanted to know more about, etc.?

 

- Casually mention that this meeting has a "no phones on till the meeting is over" policy. And at the break, with humor and gentleness, remind them of that if the phones come out.

 

- Open with a quick group "ice-breaker" activity in which everyone has to contribute as a group to solve a puzzle, complete a task, etc. Having to work together can sometimes overcome shyness and talking.

 

- Sometimes just call on a shy person; start with questions that have very clear and obvious answers -- some students don't want to speak up out of fear they didn't think it through right and will say something wrong or look foolish. Mix who is called on so it isn't obvious that you are trying to draw out the shy ones.

 

 

Just a few things that I'm finding that seem to help a little. BEST of luck! Warmly, Lori D.

Edited October 15, 2012 by Lori D.

[Candid]

First, I would consider breaking the group into two groups if all ten are coming every time. You don't have to do it the whole time, and if I was running the club I wouldn't be concerned about what parents thought about such a detail. If I the club runner thought it was a good idea, I'd try it.

 

Next, put the dog away, crate or out or in a room elsewhere. I have a big, overly friendly, and excitable lab, if she is a nuisance she goes to the laundry room.

 

I have learned that you need to spear some questions to kids in the group when I am working with at this age. "Ruth, what opinion of this character do you have?" and so forth. And if I had some super dominant kids, they'd start getting reprimanded if they were taking over or answer before who I called on first. That doesn't need to be harsh, but "Susie, I'd like Ruth to answer this one. I'll come back to you soon."

[dirty ethel rackham]

First, I would consider breaking the group into two groups if all ten are coming every time. You don't have to do it the whole time, and if I was running the club I wouldn't be concerned about what parents thought about such a detail. If I the club runner thought it was a good idea, I'd try it.

If we do this, then I would have to facilitate one of the group and I am SOOO not qualified. I am lucky to get the selections read. Really, my contribution here is hosting - cleaning my house and preparing the snacks (important for social time.) My partner is the one who is knowledgeable on the pieces of literature and in leading these types of discussions. I can't see how this would be feasible.

 

Next, put the dog away, crate or out or in a room elsewhere. I have a big, overly friendly, and excitable lab, if she is a nuisance she goes to the laundry room.

He is a social dog and loves people. He is not terribly excitable, but he does seem to gravitate toward the one member that we don't want him bothering. If we crate him, he will bark and howl from being put away from people. Non-stop. BTDT. There is NO way we could have a discussion over that noise - my house is too small. Can't do the laundry room because there is too much in there that he could destroy and there isn't space for his crate in there. It is easier if I treat him like a toddler and keep him out of trouble. It's not like he is a constant pest, but I do need to stay on top of him to keep him occupied. It's like having a toddler. When dd gets home, she takes care of him and keeps him occupied, but she doesn't get home until about 45 min - to an hour after our start time.

 

I have learned that you need to spear some questions to kids in the group when I am working with at this age. "Ruth, what opinion of this character do you have?" and so forth. And if I had some super dominant kids, they'd start getting reprimanded if they were taking over or answer before who I called on first. That doesn't need to be harsh, but "Susie, I'd like Ruth to answer this one. I'll come back to you soon."

 

Asking pointed questions directly is definitely a tack will take. It is not that our vocal participants are cutting people off and preventing others from having their say. They are contributing as they are supposed to, after giving space (awkward silences at times) to allow for others to speak . They are basically carrying the load for the quiet ones. I want to even it out and help the shy ones feel comfortable so that our other participants don't have to do the work for them. We will be pulling our more outspoken members aside and ask them to reach out to the quiet ones and try to get to know them better.

 

We are also looking into having some contributions to the group that don't require actually speaking up - like putting answers to a question into a bowl and having people take turns reading them. We don't plan on limiting these to our story discussions, but maybe just fun personal stuff - like favorite literary character and why - and have the group guess who it is.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I'm doing two co-op classes with teens, both based on discussion, and having a tough time getting the quiet ones to talk. However, a few things seem to help:

 

- Realize that some students are just not going to befriend the group, whatever the reason (in other words, do what you can to foster/facilitate socializing, but you can't MAKE people be social if they don't want to be). And some students may take FAR more time to warm up than you'd think -- it may be the last meeting before they begin to be at ease.

 

- Have an opening question and closing question in which everyone must share -- go around the room and each person takes a turn; start with a shy one, so they don't feel like their answer was "taken" by someone else. And since it is understood everyone will answer the question, it's not quite so "scary" to answer. My open/close questions for the Literature class: 1.) how did each of you summarize the chapter in one short sentence (think of "the big thing" for the plot, or theme, or major character choice, or what stood out to you as important, etc.). 2.) what did you especially like, was meaningful, was confusing, you wanted to know more about, etc.?

 

- Casually mention that this meeting has a "no phones on till the meeting is over" policy. And at the break, with humor and gentleness, remind them of that if the phones come out.

 

- Open with a quick group "ice-breaker" activity in which everyone has to contribute as a group to solve a puzzle, complete a task, etc. Having to work together can sometimes overcome shyness and talking.

 

- Sometimes just call on a shy person; start with questions that have very clear and obvious answers -- some students don't want to speak up out of fear they didn't think it through right and will say something wrong or look foolish. Mix who is called on so it isn't obvious that you are trying to draw out the shy ones.

 

 

Just a few things that I'm finding that seem to help a little. BEST of luck! Warmly, Lori D.

Thanks so much. These are very helpful. I love the idea of a mandatory opening and closing question.

[Lori D.]

We are also looking into having some contributions to the group that don't require actually speaking up - like putting answers to a question into a bowl and having people take turns reading them. We don't plan on limiting these to our story discussions, but maybe just fun personal stuff - like favorite literary character and why - and have the group guess who it is.

 

 

This is a cool idea! I'm "stealing" this for my co-op classes! :D