Help with writing for a newbie!!

[happyhome]

We are new to homeschooling this year and I'm struggling with a writing curriculum for my sixth grader. She was in a Montessori environment until 2nd grade and did 3rd,4th and part of 5th grade in the public school. I've been told that she is an excellent and advanced writer (I agree), but I am concerned that the PS may have missed key building blocks along the way. I have no real evidence of that with respect to writing, but they missed so many other things, I have no confidence that writing was done well.

 

I am using WWE2 for my 2nd grader and WWS with my 5th grader and I think those will be good fits for now. My 6th grader, however, gives me pause. She's gifted, works fast and gets bored easily (hence why she is no longer in school :))

 

I have two writing samples of fictional stories that she wrote last year. Does anyone know of someone here on the Boards who could look them over and give me some direction as to what type of curriculum I can begin looking at (the stories are rather long)?

 

I've looked at so many curricula but many seem geared for those who do not write or hate writing. That isn't the case with my daughter. She's a natural writer but does she need the "freedom" of Bravewriter, or the mechanics of Write Shop, or the fundamentals of CW? I think there are beneficial things for her in each program but I won't have time to teach more than one curriculum right now (being new to this and all :)). I think the only one I've ruled out is IEW...too slow and incremental, plus she hates DVD teaching.

 

Can anyone help us out?

[Pen]

Why not post one--or part of one, if very long means a whole one would be too much? The posts can only be a certain length, but you can break things up into a few posts if needed. Also a non-fiction sample could be of help, since that is a very different type of writing.

Edited October 13, 2012 by Pen

[happyhome]

 

Great idea!! Here are brief, unedited excerpts of two writing samples....feedback anyone? The description of the stories are hers. She's 11.

 

Brooklyn Boy - The story of two friends who realize the value of their friendship through a series of incredible, life changing circumstances:

 

 

 

 

Prolegomena

Ruby sat on the edge of her bed, her head in her hands....I feel like only a memory, she thought to herself, a soul whisped away by the wind into the darkness of dawn, a forgotten shadow of what used to be, a stray dog howling on a hilltop, waiting for my owner to return under the ghostly light of the moon, but am greeted only by silence and the weight of despair on my chest. It seems like I have been sucked into a black hole, swallowed by shadows until I am nothing. Nothing at all. I am like a picture, burned in the flames of unknown hatred until I am a pile of ashes in the smoking furnace. I wonder if anyone knows that I am here, and I wonder what caused this pain to be pressed onto me. Was it me? If someone asked, I would probably shrug and say, “How could I possibly be the cause of my own heart’s destruction?†But I know the truth.

I know that the only reason my owner left me is because I was terribly behaved, and the only reason I was alone and burned as the picture in that fire is because I caused pain, or confusion, or despair in another person, and they didn’t want me remembered anymore. Am I really sad because I was hurt so horribly? No. I am sad because I am living in fear...In fear of my own guilt. In fear of myself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ruby

 

 

 

 

Ruby sat on the cold window sill, her knees hugged tight to her chest. Her faded gray sweatshirt was slung over her back as if her body wasn’t sure if it should be cold or not. Her frosty breath steamed the glass, and little, sharp winds tugged at her fingers from the crack in the molding. She shivered and looked outside, her eyes misty and her face pale. It was too early for many people to be out, but some were slowly making their way down the frozen sidewalk. Tiny snowflakes trickled down from the gray, endless sky and it felt as if the darkness of dawn and eeriness of the clouds were eating at Ruby, trying to oblige her to think about everything sad and terrible. Lampposts were still lit, and shadows slinked over the horizon and swallowed Brooklyn. But Ruby stared intently at one figure. Dressed in dark attire and a worn woolen coat, was what looked like a boy about her age. He shuffled about the street, swallowed by the black gloomy shadows that formed the silhouettes of the brick buildings, and as quiet as a mouse with his face buried in his scarf and concealed by his loppy brown hair. Ruby sighed and rubbed her numb nose with the back of her hand with a sniffle. Don’t turn around Tony; please don’t turn around, Ruby thought desperately. Suddenly, the boy jerked around and stared at her window, scanning the building as if he were wondering if it were the right one. His green, mischief filled eyes glittered in the dim light, his face cracking like slushy ice in to a forced, hard smile. His eyes locked with hers, and the fierce green easily destroyed whatever last bit of gleam her blue ones had. Ruby snorted and fled from the window, tripping over her sweatshirt that had fallen off in her haste. His solemn grin flashed in her mind vividly, and she shook herself vigorously. Oh that dumb Brooklyn boy... how I hate him! Ruby thought, tears trickling down her face as she ran downstairs towards her front door, where she knew he would be waiting.

 

 

 

 

Anthony

 

 

 

 

Anthony blundered about the icy streets. Pulling his dark gray cap over his eyes to block the flurries of falling snow, he slipped and glided easily over the frost and sniffled. His nose was nearly numb, and his gloveless hands were torn and blistered, but he charged aimlessly in the darkness of dawn. His feet pounded against the sidewalk as he ran, on and on. I’m gonna run someday, he thought, I am gonna race like the wind, kicking up dust as my heart pounds with a medal around my neck, gleaming in my glow of triumph. He chuckled at the thought of her voice in his head. You seem to have got it all figured out, don’t ya Roadrunner? she would say, throwing her head back and laughing out loud. He sprinted harder until he came to an abrupt stop. In the window up top in one of the big brick buildings, was the girl. Her face went pale and she whipped away from sight as soon as her deep blue eyes met his. He turned away and began to walk. But he did not leave. Instead, he headed for the girl’s front door.

 

Blue Sky - A fantasy tale about a mystical land called Mystikalian. Sky is the guardian of this land and when she dies, it sends the world into chaos.

Prelude

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

At least once in your lifetime you have seen a cloud, white and puffy, drifting like lonely thoughts and dreams in the clear, flawless sky. Weightless, expressionless, heartless, and with no feelings at all, they bob and sweep by, like ships on the open sea. Sometimes though, you find the one special cloud that you can almost find a core in. A shape, a silhouette, a somewhat person beneath all of that light, cotton candy like fluff. It is the kind that makes you feel warm inside, like when a cat is curled up in your lap, and you can fell the gentle vibrations of its every purr. You may call it a buzzing sensation, like a robot waking from years of rusted, solemn sleep, but it is all the same feeling. The same trembling. The same life giving jump start. But what if there were no clouds? No beautiful, white, fluffy clouds to break up the crystal blue sky? Where would we be, and how would we be? Well, to answer the questions drifting like the clouds in your head that I have planted, it would be the same desolate, terrifying, lonely sensation you would get when your whole life becomes nothing but a glitter of hope in the night.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 1

 

 

 

 

Don’t Go, Sky

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sabrina held the cold, frail hand tightly, and stroked back the streaks of auburn hair that lay like barely burning fire on the white marble floors. She stared into the blue lifeless eyes of her best friend. They were glazed over with dust, and it only made Sabrina cringe with sadness that she would never see those beautiful blue eyes light up ever again. She squeezed her own eyes shut and took a gulp to hold back the tears. She quietly laid her head on the hand, and the sharp cold of the stone like skin stung her own.

 

 

 

“Don’t leave me, Sky. Don’t go,†Sabrina whispered, a single tear slipping down her cheek and glistening in the one, shallow beam of light that slipped through the crack in the wall of the school.

 

 

 

One big heave. A sigh. Then nothing. Sky was gone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[happyhome]

Looking for a non-fiction sample now....I'll post it soon. Thanks!!

[happyhome]

Here is a non fiction sample of DD's writing.

 

Non fiction essay written for Invest Write competition describing what you learned from the Stock Market game....

 

The Big Gamble

 

Invest, invest invest! Money flowing in, and gushing out like raging rapids! It’s a gamble; one that only few win, and many will lose. Lady Luck had better be with you, because you have invested in the Stock Market! At first, when I first started the Stock Market Game, I thought all I had to do was look up a ticker symbol, but now I know there's much more to it than that. I learned you will need more knowledge than that to be a succesful investor. I suggest looking up the company’s history and their finances, what industry the company is in, and to consider today’s financial climate.In being an investor, my choice would be to invest in mutual funds because they have less of a risk.

First, you should always research the company’s performance history and their finances. A company’s share value can be a wild ride, so thorough research is warranted at all times. If a company’s past performance was poor, chances are it won’t be a wise investment today.By looking at the company’s performance history, you can predict wether they are headed for a stock value increase or a decrease, and can know exactly when to get your funds out. Your financial sucess hangs on the shoulders of your desicions, so be wise and research all you can.

Second, you should find out what industry the company is part of. With a variety of industries, such as technology, eco-friendly, and clothing retailers, the upside opportunity is endless! Having this knowledge is very important For example, recently eco- friendly companies have been doing well due to enviormental crises, and our dedication to helping our Earth, and may be a good investment. Depending on the time of year and what people’s interests are, a company’s profits could hit the roof or go through the floor.

Last, I suggest checking in with the current stock market conditions and how it may or may not be impacted in by the U.S. Government. This is because it will aid you in predicting the inclines and declines in a company’s stock value. If the government continues its path of escalating debt, companies are likely to have profit declines. This could effect your stock portfolio, and damage your portfolio returns in the the future. For instance, in times like the Great Depression, investing in stocks would probably not have been a very good idea. This is due to the banks having severe balance sheet issues, and companies not bringing enough revenue in to keep themselves afloat, let alone investors. Keeping up to date on the stock market and the U.S. Government’s current condition is key in your financial sucess.

A wise investment to make would be a mutual fund. Offering a portfolio of diverse and wide-ranging stocks is less of a risk and a safer bet. It’s like buying a bag of cherries. You buy the overall product you want, knowing that there may be a few bad cherries in the bag. In a mutual fund, the fund’s performance may be generally positive but there may be some stocks you don’t like in the portfolio. Still,overall, it remains a great investment because the whole is greater than its parts. I would pick a mutual fund for the lower risk and functionality.

What I have learned from the Stock Market Game that might help me in my financial future is judgement. Solid financial judgment on what company to invest in, on what I think will happen to a company in the future and what investment I should make. That judgement will also serve me in every area of my financial life because I’ve learned how to research before I spend my money in any sector of buisness.

Well... it’s 4pm, the gavel has struck and the stock market has closed its doors. I’ve made my investments, and I am hoping for positive results when the market opens at 9am tomorrow morning and the opening bell sounds off!!! Remember, always research a company’s industry, history, finances, and today’s current market and government conditions. Good luck! You are going to need exactly that!

[Pen]

Great idea!! Here are brief, unedited excerpts of two writing samples....feedback anyone? The description of the stories are hers. She's 11.

 

Brooklyn Boy - The story of two friends who realize the value of their friendship through a series of incredible, life changing circumstances:

 

 

 

 

Prolegomena

...

Blue Sky - A fantasy tale about a mystical land called Mystikalian. Sky is the guardian of this land and when she dies, it sends the world into chaos.

[/size]

Prelude

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Excellent. I hope she'll continue work on these. She seems to already have a voice of her own for fiction. I would not mess with programs or changes here, but rather let her do her own thing. Maybe tell her about the existence of NaNoWriMo if she were inclined toward that sort of thing.

[Pen]

Here is a non fiction sample of DD's writing.

 

Non fiction essay written for Invest Write competition describing what you learned from the Stock Market game....

 

The Big Gamble

 

Invest, invest invest! Money flowing in, and gushing out like raging rapids! It’s a gamble; one that only few win, and many will lose. Lady Luck had better be with you, because you have invested in the Stock Market! At first, when I first started the Stock Market Game, I thought all I had to do was look up a ticker symbol, but now I know there's much more to it than that. I learned you will need more knowledge than that to be a succesful investor. I suggest looking up the company’s history and their finances, what industry the company is in, and to consider today’s financial climate.In being an investor, my choice would be to invest in mutual funds because they have less of a risk.

First, you should always research the company’s performance history and their finances. A company’s share value can be a wild ride, so thorough research is warranted at all times. If a company’s past performance was poor, chances are it won’t be a wise investment today.By looking at the company’s performance history, you can predict wether they are headed for a stock value increase or a decrease, and can know exactly when to get your funds out. Your financial sucess hangs on the shoulders of your desicions, so be wise and research all you can.

Second, you should find out what industry the company is part of. With a variety of industries, such as technology, eco-friendly, and clothing retailers, the upside opportunity is endless! Having this knowledge is very important For example, recently eco- friendly companies have been doing well due to enviormental crises, and our dedication to helping our Earth, and may be a good investment. Depending on the time of year and what people’s interests are, a company’s profits could hit the roof or go through the floor.

Last, I suggest checking in with the current stock market conditions and how it may or may not be impacted in by the U.S. Government. This is because it will aid you in predicting the inclines and declines in a company’s stock value. If the government continues its path of escalating debt, companies are likely to have profit declines. This could effect your stock portfolio, and damage your portfolio returns in the the future. For instance, in times like the Great Depression, investing in stocks would probably not have been a very good idea. This is due to the banks having severe balance sheet issues, and companies not bringing enough revenue in to keep themselves afloat, let alone investors. Keeping up to date on the stock market and the U.S. Government’s current condition is key in your financial sucess.

A wise investment to make would be a mutual fund. Offering a portfolio of diverse and wide-ranging stocks is less of a risk and a safer bet. It’s like buying a bag of cherries. You buy the overall product you want, knowing that there may be a few bad cherries in the bag. In a mutual fund, the fund’s performance may be generally positive but there may be some stocks you don’t like in the portfolio. Still,overall, it remains a great investment because the whole is greater than its parts. I would pick a mutual fund for the lower risk and functionality.

What I have learned from the Stock Market Game that might help me in my financial future is judgement. Solid financial judgment on what company to invest in, on what I think will happen to a company in the future and what investment I should make. That judgement will also serve me in every area of my financial life because I’ve learned how to research before I spend my money in any sector of buisness.

Well... it’s 4pm, the gavel has struck and the stock market has closed its doors. I’ve made my investments, and I am hoping for positive results when the market opens at 9am tomorrow morning and the opening bell sounds off!!! Remember, always research a company’s industry, history, finances, and today’s current market and government conditions. Good luck! You are going to need exactly that!

 

 

This is very good for an 11 year old, and it has good energy coming through. Also it does not feel like a dull typical school essay, to me a big positive.

 

There are some grammar problems, which you could go over with her...possibly separate from this essay. Possibly reading it aloud herself, after a time away from it, would help her to find some areas that she would want to revise and edit to make the flow and meaning (and also maybe the grammar) better. Or possibly doing that in the future with some other writing would be a help. At some point it might be helpful to read essays and other types of writing and consider tone and voice and levels of formality expected for different types of writing.

 

This is perhaps rather picky to point out, for an only 11 year old's work, but while I liked the opening idea and hook very much, I found the emphasis on Lady Luck in the start did not quite fit with the points being made about how to research stocks and so on in the middle part of the essay. A transition, for logic, that explained something of how luck and carefulness might fit together, would be helpful, IMO. While I think the usual essay with an opening sentence, followed by supporting sentences, and finally a concluding sentence tends to be dull, considering whether an essay has basically done that--though in a more interesting way--has its place.

 

This sentence, for example, directly contradicts the idea that there is any luck involved: "By looking at the company’s performance history, you can predict wether they are headed for a stock value increase or a decrease, and can know exactly when to get your funds out." In a sense this is a maturity and 11 year old's limited understanding issue, but it can also be addressed by looking at whether the writing itself makes consistent statements and supports its own thesis. And perhaps it could be worked on by spending a while working on more simple and basic writing techniques, with the understanding that later on, one will want to make it more lively and with interesting opening hooks and so on.

 

For non fiction, she might be helped by WWS or IEW (or both) in terms of just having some standard tools in her writing tool-belt to be able to craft a basic non-fiction academic piece of writing. With either, she could probably make it more interesting for herself by doing extra research on the subject she was about to write about.

 

Like your dd, I was a good "natural" writer, but I wish I had had an IEW type program to make college writing easier. I would not expect that to produce "great" writing particularly, but just an ease with churning out something required when required without it having to be inspired.

[happyhome]

Pen, THANK YOU for taking the time to read and reflect so carefully. I don't think you were picky at all. This is exactly what I was looking for. Public schools spend a tremendous amount of time on fiction of all kinds and limited time on expository writing. Your assessment is accurate and very much appreciated.

 

Ironically, though I was against it at first, I've spent the weekend mulling over IEW and talking with some folks there. I actually ordered TWSS last week and it came Friday. After sitting through the practicum, I agree that she (and the other two) need these tools. I'm thinking of teaching them myself (again, they hate DVDs) with the theme based books. Does that sound like a good idea?

 

I have WWS (I feel like I have every writing curriculum out there :)). I was going to use it for my 10 year old, but think that it is probably better to get a year of IEW under her belt first. That said, I think my oldest could handle WWS with IEW but I wouldn't know how to teach both simultaneously. We do writing about an hour a day. Can you do both in that timeframe?

 

Thank you again for your feedback. It has really helped.

[Pen]

Pen, THANK YOU for taking the time to read and reflect so carefully. I don't think you were picky at all. This is exactly what I was looking for. Public schools spend a tremendous amount of time on fiction of all kinds and limited time on expository writing. Your assessment is accurate and very much appreciated.

 

Ironically, though I was against it at first, I've spent the weekend mulling over IEW and talking with some folks there. I actually ordered TWSS last week and it came Friday. After sitting through the practicum, I agree that she (and the other two) need these tools. I'm thinking of teaching them myself (again, they hate DVDs) with the theme based books. Does that sound like a good idea?

 

I have WWS (I feel like I have every writing curriculum out there :)). I was going to use it for my 10 year old, but think that it is probably better to get a year of IEW under her belt first. That said, I think my oldest could handle WWS with IEW but I wouldn't know how to teach both simultaneously. We do writing about an hour a day. Can you do both in that timeframe?

 

Thank you again for your feedback. It has really helped.

 

Well, I feel like I have just about every writing program too, though I know I actually do not. :)

 

We tried one theme based IEW book and did not like it, no, not at all...

 

SWI-A had far more interest to the passages, IMO. Your children would probably be at SWI-B or C though. However, I would think you could use IEW methods on other school work (which was the original concept of how to use it), or even on WWS materials as an alternative approach to outlining and writing--perhaps as a way to incorporate other research materials.

 

I'm not sure how you'd best work with them in terms of time distribution. I would think probably not by using both on one day, but actually IEW work tends to be small fast segments and maybe you actually could fit both into an hour. Or maybe something like IEW 2 days WWS 2 days free writing 1 day. Or alternate weeks.

 

If you find a good schedule, let me know :).