Great student in KG becomes terror in 1st?

[SKL]

Have any of you had a kid who did great in KG (behaviorally and academically) and then had a whole spectrum of problems in 1st? If so, what was the cause?

 

It's something new every day with my dd. First it was poor organization and listening (these still continue). Next I hear she's calling the other kids names, sticking out her tongue, even hit someone once. Then I hear she's swiped the teacher's entire stash of candy prizes and hidden them in her desk. Today I'm told that the art teacher, music teacher, and everyone else she deals with outside of homeroom report completely immature, impulsive behavior and an apparent inability to sit down and put pencil to paper. I'm also told that she constantly "wastes time" in class, i.e., she's given 30 minutes to independently do maybe 10 minutes of work and she spends the time visiting other kids etc. I'm told she's frequently asking to go to the bathroom (she's a camel so this is ridiculous). That's all that comes to mind off the bat!

 

What the heck? Last year she was one of the best readers and racked up almost the most good behavior points. Her coaches loved her. She was progressing steadily through her piano lessons. I don't recall ever receiving a complaint about her behavior in KG. (And I know I would have heard, because I got some reports about her sister in the same grade).

 

She completed vision therapy at age 4 and seemed mostly caught up in visual skills, though I felt something was still off. She's been diagnosed as still having retained primitive reflexes as of this past summer and she's in therapy for it. But this crazy behavior is new. Maybe it's the reflex stuff, but does that mean she's doomed? Teacher mentioned today the dreaded words "she's young." I know she's young, but she was young last year too, and she did great. :confused:

 

Thoughts and experiences?

[ChristineW]

First grade can be a tough transition. Behavior expectations are higher, and the real work begins. DN had a horrible first grade year--he was diagnosed with defiance disorder for hitting teachers, talking back, running away. Name any bad thing a young student can do and he did it. This year has been smooth.

[SKL]

I think you guys are right. After thinking some more about it, I realize that really almost everything about her daily routine has changed, and there's no going back to visit the comfortable old stuff that she knew for 3 years. New school, teachers, classmates, extracurriculars, coaches, even piano teacher. New schedule, new at-home routine, new diet, new wardrobe. No doubt these all play a part.

 

It also strikes me that she's had this happen in her past, being an adoptee. When she was 12mos I took custody and everything in her life changed. She lost everything she knew before. Everything except for the clothes on her back. I wonder if that is subconsciously making her more scared.

[SKL]

First grade can be a tough transition. Behavior expectations are higher, and the real work begins. DN had a horrible first grade year--he was diagnosed with defiance disorder for hitting teachers, talking back, running away. Name any bad thing a young student can do and he did it. This year has been smooth.

 

It's comforting to know that you and your son survived that and things got better! Right now I'm pretty depressed and anxious.

[learningmama]

:grouphug:

[ChristineW]

It's comforting to know that you and your son survived that and things got better! Right now I'm pretty depressed and anxious.

 

Is she getting counseling? DN went to the school counselor twice a week; he could also ask to go anytime he felt a rage building. Are you able to spend time in the classroom as a volunteer? Both of these helped him tremendously. This year he was able to meet the teacher and explore the classroom before school started so that he felt safe on the first day.

[SKL]

Does she have individual desks or shared tables? If she has a desk of her own, one solution is to put a picture or photo on the desk for her to look at when she needs to. Another solution is to draw a happy face on her hand before she leaves, with some appropriate words said. She could also wear a bracelet or have a talisman in her pocket.

 

I was thinking along these lines. I love the idea of the happy face.

 

To other commenters, no, she has not been in "counseling." She's in therapy for some physical issues that affect learning and behavior, but she only meets the therapist once every two months. This behavior is so recent and unexpected, I never felt the need to seek counseling.

 

This week I'm giving her eggs for breakfast (instead of cereal) and upping the ratio of protein to carbs in her lunch. I've been talking to her each morning about what she needs to do to get through a school day successfully. I've upped the time I spend going over math basics to build confidence. And I've given the teacher some info on her history that might make her a bit more understanding. I'm told that she had a good day yesterday. Hopefully the first of many. Once she gets into some good habits and gets more used to her surroundings, hopefully things will become more smooth.

[Paige]

Does she like the class? It sounds to me like attention getting behavior. Maybe she's trying to get kicked out, or trying to return to her old school and previous teacher. You know it isn't possible, but maybe she's so young that she doesn't really get it. Have you asked her what is going on and if she wants to be there?

 

Or, maybe it is a personality conflict with the teacher. Maybe the teacher doesn't get her and your daughter has picked up on it. My DS had wonderful years in preschool and then I was getting repeated calls and notes from his teacher in K. After a year of struggling, I finally decided it was a teacher problem. DS is a different, interesting kid. His past teachers had loved him and loved his quirks and eccentricities. He is imaginative, hyper empathetic, and likes to think outside of the box. His K teacher found all of that to be distracting and an annoyance and decided he was a problem. Fortunately, my DS never realized his teacher thought he was a problem, but I am sure that if he had things would have been a lot worse.

 

I would definitely see this as an environmental issue first- as in, there is something about this new school that is upsetting her- rather than some new psychological or developmental problem emerging.

[SKL]

Does she like the class? It sounds to me like attention getting behavior. Maybe she's trying to get kicked out, or trying to return to her old school and previous teacher. You know it isn't possible, but maybe she's so young that she doesn't really get it. Have you asked her what is going on and if she wants to be there?

 

 

I was thinking that this might be a possibility too. She has said repeatedly that she hates school. She also thinks her teacher dislikes her and trips her up on purpose. But she does have a bit of the "poor me" gene.

 

Yesterday she got a nosebleed (something that spontaneously happens to her an average of once every month or two). She tried to make it sound like the teacher caused it when she held her chin and said "you had a very good day today." Yes, my kid can be frustrating.

 

ETA: it's almost 3pm and I'm getting a nervous stomach, wondering if I'm going to get another email today. Ugh! Kudos to all parents who survive this over a long time period.

Edited October 9, 2012 by SKL

[MBM]

I think you guys are right. After thinking some more about it, I realize that really almost everything about her daily routine has changed, and there's no going back to visit the comfortable old stuff that she knew for 3 years. New school, teachers, classmates, extracurriculars, coaches, even piano teacher. New schedule, new at-home routine, new diet, new wardrobe. No doubt these all play a part.

 

It also strikes me that she's had this happen in her past, being an adoptee. When she was 12mos I took custody and everything in her life changed. She lost everything she knew before. Everything except for the clothes on her back. I wonder if that is subconsciously making her more scared.

 

Change can be terrifying for children. They feel vulnerability accutely especially if they have experienced loss or big changes at young ages. IMO, your daughter is feeling anxious and powerless about the new changes in her life. Her bad behavior could be a way of expressing her anxiety and unhappiness with the new school, teachers, kids, schedules. She had little say in the matter and could be angry about that.

 

Regarding butting heads with teachers, I don't think your daughter's behavior is a matter of being young. It seems to be more a matter of being unhappy, scared and unable to express what she's feeling. I think she wants to be understood and validated. This does not mean accepting her bad behavior but that must be changed gently.

 

Does she have friends at school, or is she in the process of making them? Her bad behavior could also be a way of *impressing* classmates in order to gain their acceptance. When kids feel connected at home, at school, with others, they will thrive.

 

If any of the above rings true, here are a few tips:

 

1. Work on friendships.

 

2. When the two of you are alone, give your daughter a pretend magic wand and let her use it to change anything she wants in her life. Kids will sometimes give you important clues if they think it's only play. Just don't be too surprised if she tells you something odd.

 

3. Scale back on academics at home for the time being.

 

4. She needs a lot of unconditional love from you and her teachers and gentle nudges back toward good behavior. Not easy when she's being a pill!

 

You might also find Ed Hallowell's book to be helpful -- The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness: The Five Steps to Help Kids Create and Sustain Lifelong Joy. It's an easy and enjoyable read.

 

I've BTDT with my youngest who was very similar in 1st grade after we moved and changed schools. I think your daugher will begin to improve as she settles in to her new routine and surroundings. Good luck!