advice needed

[Ame E.]

So both kids are off, and everyone is adjusting.. So far so good for the kids.. Son got a cold and cough, but went to bed, took medicine and is better. Daughter is crazy busy but happy. Both have good roommates etc.

 

I am the one having a hard time here. I am doing what I have to do, but because I am an adoptee, I have pretty intense issues surrounding abandoment and rejection meaning, I have a hard time dealing with changes, with people leaving (even if it's a good leaving, and it's not rejection, emotionally that's how I react to it), and then reaching out for help. I tend to isolate. This has been a pattern in my life at all major life change points...

 

So how do I figure out if this is a normal reaction, and how long do I give it? I am trying to get support and see people, etc. This has really less to do with my kids, and more about my emotionally vulnerable points...

I basically have made friends with a lot of women 10 years younger than me, who are still actively homeschooling. For the past 12 years, many of the social activities our family was involved in involved my kids, or homeschooling related activities. Now that they are no longer here, I wonder if I belong in this group of friends. I am trying to find my place now. I am too young to be retired.. I do have a job (part time 24 hours)... I am just trying to refind my place and adjust.

 

If anyone has had these issues or can offer advice.. Plus if I am posting this on the wrong forum, feel free to move it.

 

Thank you.

[Lyn]

Ame:

 

My situation is different, but I thought I would still jump in here and offer some advice. I still have one at home (the other at college) so this year has been a bit of an adjustment. I know it will be tougher when they are both out of the house.

 

What has helped me thus far is intense exercise. Cardio. 3 to 4 days a week and an equal amount of yoga. Keeping busy in general helps. I too work, but am self employed. If you find that you have too much time on your hands, perhaps looking for some volunteer opportunities in your area. It would give you a chance to meet some new people and do something that you find interesting.

 

Last, but not least, a good therapist may also take the edge off of some of this for you especially since you know how your history is playing into this.

 

:grouphug:

[Barbara H]

It is a very difficult transition. It is something people need to talk more about so I'm glad you raised the topic.

 

It sounds like you are doing a lot of the right things. The one other thing I'd suggest is to try to do something totally new that will have you in contact with new people and experiences. It could be taking a Spanish class, joining a knitting group, volunteering, etc. Just something that will keep you busy with something that isn't tied up with your kids or your life when your kids were home.