wy_kid_wrangler04 Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 I am pasting this from my facebook so please forgive the difference in typing :D 3 weeks ago our Golden Retriever died. It was a VERY VERY tragic and unexpected death. He was only 7 1/2. Ds7 wasn't upset at first. (Ds and our Golden were the same age- Ds's birthday is Oct 1 and the dogs was Dec 14 so they literally grew up together) He said "I don't get upset when our pets die" But-- when he realized that EVERYBODY else was completely broken over this (Max, our Golden, was in our family since he was 8 weeks old) Ds started crying. I think it was because he thought he had to-- he kept saying "I want Maxwell" But- for the last week or week and a half ds has been asking where Maxwell is. I keep having to remind him that he died- that we had to bury him but he just doesn't remember. I guess I could understand that as he has blocked the memory of the death maybe?? BUT-- he keeps asking. He has asked probably asked 10 or 12 times and he *doesn't remember asking* what happened any of the other times. He just doesn't remember anything about this. Why do you think this is? Is it normal after the tragedy for him to not remember even asking about it?? He asks A LOT. He struggles with remembering what he learns in school but NOT AT ALL like this- know what I mean? This does not seem normal. NOTHING like this. I don't know what to do but the fact that he doesn't even remember asking has me worried. So- dd9th started asking him other questions and he isn't remembering those things either (things we did when grandma and grandpa were here and such-- this wasn't long ago because we just got back yesterday night from dropping them off at the Amtrak station in Denver yesterday- they were here for 3 weeks) Should I worry? He has been really struggling in school lately but I thought it was just from taking a month off but now I am not sure :confused: Thoughts?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dkpalaska Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: The only thing that comes to mind right now is to ask: is he truly not remembering, or only saying he isn't remembering so he has "permission" to ask again? My ds 11 does the latter very often. Part of his group social therapy is focused on his persistent repetition of (primarily) questions. I think there are various reasons he does this, but one of them seems to be that he is still processing something, and this is a comfortable way for him to bring up a subject again and again. If your ds is truly not remembering, then perhaps an evaluation? I'm not sure the best route there, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wy_kid_wrangler04 Posted August 27, 2012 Author Share Posted August 27, 2012 Dh thought that same thing but we can tell (through talking and asking him different things) that he truly does not remember. This is really starting to worry me. Who would I go to an eval for this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiramisu Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Dh thought that same thing but we can tell (through talking and asking him different things) that he truly does not remember. This is really starting to worry me. Who would I go to an eval for this? You know, if he is really not remembering, this would be a big deal. It's an upsetting possibility. First, I would see if you could take him to see a pediatric neurologist as a starting point. He would be able to get medical tests which would definitely be worthwhile, but he may also be able to help with getting insurance to cover something like neuropsychological testing which would pick up something like a cognitive disability. Also, neuropsychologists are psychologists with special training so they would have an insight into the trauma aspect. FWIW, my dd did have a trauma, a physical injury. It wasn't physically life-changing for her but emotionally so. I was living in a place at the time where I had absolutely no resources for this type of thing so we just muddled through. :( Do what you can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barbara H Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 Sorry about the unexpected death of your dog. It is very tough stuff. One thing I'm wondering is if it might be helpful to have some sort of ceremony or remembrance. It could be anything really - burying the dog's collar, planting a tree, holding hands and saying a prayer or sharing happy memories. It might be a way to help make it more concrete and you can see if it helps him understand. As far as whether you should worry about this, I think it depends a bit on what you know about his special needs. Rather than thinking about his chronological or cognitive age, think about his emotional age. About how old would you say he is emotionally? I think not understanding death or remembering why the pet is gone would not be uncommon for a kid who was maybe four years old emotionally. Do you think when he's saying "remember" that he really doesn't remember or that's his way of saying "talk about it more because I don't get it." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dkpalaska Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 With the caveat that I am no specialist, I think my starting place would be a pediatric neuropsychologist. When my son was evaluated they did testing on both short-term and long-term memory, among many other things. It was quite extensive. Like NJKelli suggests, though, a more roundabout way - with its own benefits - might be best. Why do we moms constantly get new things to worry about??? :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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