Preparing for life post high school

[Night Elf]

For those of you with teens, how are you preparing your kids for life post high school? What about your students who will be going to college? I worry about how we're approaching this. I'm worried I'm not preparing him properly. Throughout our homeschooling years, and we're in year 11, we have modified both the schoolwork and how he does the work. He is a slow worker, methodical but accurate and efficient. He can write a great essay but it takes him days. College will require a faster pace. He's afraid of college because he understands this point. But if he doesn't go to college, we still have to have a plan for where he can work. He is not impaired to the point of not being able to live independently, but a job that doesn't pay well will not allow him to support himself outside our home. Do you have any thoughts on this? Or resources that might be helpful for me?

 

I'll admit, I think I've coddled him too much. We're working on him becoming more independent and gaining some basic life skills like being responsible for knowing when to shower, or cooking himself meals. He's smart as a whip and does excellent on his academic work, but it's only because he can work at his own pace and do things mostly his way.

[Tokyomarie]

I'm assuming you are referring to your ds15? How many more years of high school does he have? How close to 16yo is he?

 

My son is not an Aspie but he has some traits/delays related to social skills & life skills that are similar to what you've described in your son. With his dyslexia & dysgraphia, he also has a history of being very slow in completing schoolwork. At age 15-16/Gr. 10, it was still very hard to imagine him as an independent young adult, able to handle a college program independently. He is now 17.5yo and the picture is beginning to look much different. He is less rigid, more willing to try new things, and better able to handle the demands that others place on him. He is gradually getting faster and more fluent at essay writing; just one year ago he was just barely advancing from single paragraph to multi-paragraph writing. Now he is finishing a CC freshman comp course. While the overall expectations for content were not as high as I would expect for a college writing course, it did require a lot of writing and ds, with support, was able to produce the required amount of writing.

 

Kids with relatively mild special needs (whether LD, ASD, ADHD) tend to be late bloomers. It is often difficult to imagine them moving into independent young adult roles before they are 2-3 years older than the typical teen. With my oldest, a typical teen emotionally & socially, I was beginning to see the emerging young adult by the time she was 14-15yo . I couldn't see it in either my middle child or my youngest until each was about 16.5-17.5yo. My middle child moved on to full-time college away from home when she was 19yo and in many ways that was just the right timing. My youngest is now taking college courses, but in a highly supported environment. We are expecting that he will first go away to college/leave home just a few months shy of 20yo. By that time, he'll have at least 1-1.5yrs worth of transferrable credit. Yet, he'll be, officially, a high school student & supported in life skills development while he is accummulating that credit.

 

Keep working a plan for building life skills. There are lists of skills on the internet and/or in books- though I would have to review my books and links for particular ones- that can be a guide for you in making a plan. I'll be working on some things this summer with my son to push him just a little further in life skills independence. I can see that the more he begins to do things that typical kids his age do, the more confident he is in interacting with peers.

 

Think about having him do college part-time if necessary. I know more than one special needs student who did CC part-time, taking much longer than average to finish an AA but eventually getting there. One of those students is now about 29yo and just graduated with her bachelor's degree after first completing an AA on a part-time basis. Do you have documentation that would support accommodations, such as extended time for tests and computer for essay tests? If you haven't talked with a professional about the kinds of supports in college that could be useful for you son's particular needs, now would be a great time to do that.

 

Keep the long view in mind and avoid too many comparisons to the typical timeline of progression toward adult responsibilities.

[Night Elf]

I'm assuming you are referring to your ds15? How many more years of high school does he have? How close to 16yo is he?

 

Yes, my son. He'll be 16 next month. He's using an online accredited school for high school and is just beginning his junior year. I believe he may graduate when he's 19, based on his pace in each class.

 

He is gradually getting faster and more fluent at essay writing; just one year ago he was just barely advancing from single paragraph to multi-paragraph writing.

 

Yes, my son has greatly improved in his writing. The problem I'm beginning to address now is how much he can write in one sitting. He's used to doing only one paragraph in a subject per day. That means it takes him 3 days to do a 3-paragraph essay. When he finishes it, it is good writing. His essay is very well developed and you can tell it's well thought out. But he hates writing more than one paragraph at a time. I think it's a habit that is hard to break and not something that he is physically unable to do.

 

Now he is finishing a CC freshman comp course.

 

Is he attending the class or doing it online? My son wants to do college classes online. Attending a class worries him.

 

Kids with relatively mild special needs (whether LD, ASD, ADHD) tend to be late bloomers. It is often difficult to imagine them moving into independent young adult roles before they are 2-3 years older than the typical teen.

 

Yes, I can see that. My son has always seemed a bit behind peers with anything besides academics. He hasn't had a friend in about 5 years I think, so he has no comparison for how he is doing. However, I don't think he's immature. He thinks about things that are beyond my thinking. He has the ability to interact with people when he is called to do it. He is used to things coming to him easily and I think that is why he finds high school a struggle. This has been the first time he's had to actually put effort into a class. He sees it as high school being too hard. I'm trying to talk to him about needing to accept that not all things will come easily.

 

Keep working a plan for building life skills. There are lists of skills on the internet and/or in books- though I would have to review my books and links for particular ones- that can be a guide for you in making a plan.

 

I've never had great luck finding lists like that. And our doctors, Kaiser Permanente, have been less than helpful. My son has never received any kind of occupational therapy and I wish I could go back and push for it. There are simple things he doesn't know like how to tie a knot. He just didn't have the fine motor skills and got so frustrated manipulating the strings. He started wearing slip-on shoes and now as a teen he still doesn't understand why tying knots is a useful skill. I can't help but wonder what else he may be missing out on.

 

Think about having him do college part-time if necessary.

 

I'm envious of the people who have their children go from 10th grade to dual-enrollment at a cc. I know Georgia has something like that but it's not for just anyone. There are qualifications that have to be met. But when I talked to him about it, he got upset. He feels I'm pushing him too hard. When he does graduate high school, he can start at the cc and they have online classes. That's what he wants to do because he wants to avoid the people.

 

Do you have documentation that would support accommodations, such as extended time for tests and computer for essay tests? If you haven't talked with a professional about the kinds of supports in college that could be useful for you son's particular needs, now would be a great time to do that.

 

No, his psychiatrist has absolutely no idea. Again, we have Kaiser and they are just not set up to approach these types of problems. She referred me to our local school system. I tried getting help from them but they were extremely uncooperative because we are homeschoolers. They told me to enroll my child in school and if after a semester or two he is having problems, they will then evaluate him for assistance. That's absolutely impossible. I feel like the only way I can get help is to seek legal help. I can't figure out if that's worth the hassle. It's a very hard road to navigate.

 

Thanks for writing. Sorry I responded with such a long note!

[Tokyomarie]

Yes, my son. He'll be 16 next month. He's using an online accredited school for high school and is just beginning his junior year. I believe he may graduate when he's 19, based on his pace in each class.

 

That's good. That will give him some time to grow up a bit.

 

Yes, my son has greatly improved in his writing. The problem I'm beginning to address now is how much he can write in one sitting. He's used to doing only one paragraph in a subject per day. That means it takes him 3 days to do a 3-paragraph essay. When he finishes it, it is good writing. His essay is very well developed and you can tell it's well thought out. But he hates writing more than one paragraph at a time. I think it's a habit that is hard to break and not something that he is physically unable to do.

 

It still takes my son quite a long time to develop an essay. In his school program, he actually has only had a small handful of times where he has had to produce 3-5 paragraphs in a timed format. A couple of times for his high school level English class & twice for his college comp class. All other writing is produced over several days time. It is only within the last couple of months that his fluency has grown to the place where he can do it without a sense of dread or panic. I think with continued, regular production at the 1-3 paragraph level your son will be able to bump it up by the time another 1-1.5 years passes.

 

 

 

Is he attending the class or doing it online? My son wants to do college classes online. Attending a class worries him.

 

Ds is doing all his college classes on campus. He is in a middle college program. It is a charter high school on the campus of a CC. Students who would ordinarily be entering 10th or 11th grade may enroll; they start with several self-contained high school level classes. They are also taught study and self-management skills in the first semester and are introduced to various career pathways. If they pass their high school classes with an A or B, and get "soft-skill credentialed" on their study/self-management skills, they are eligible to begin CC classes. At the end of 3 years, they graduate with a high school diploma and a technical certificate or associates degree.

 

 

The main reason we enrolled him was that we could see that he would need support for the transition to college. He really needed to learn how to function in a classroom environment and to respond to a teacher's direction. He does not have an ASD diagnosis but he does share some of the traits, including a lack of flexibility, difficulty following someone else's direction, and a strong tendency toward extreme introversion (I know not all aspies are introverts, but many are). In order to function in a work environment, a person needs to have the ability to take direction from an authority figure, be flexible enough to shift gears when things don't go as planned, and to be able to spend some number of hours per day with at least a small group of other people.

 

Our homeschool, even with co-op participation, was not providing the kind of opportunity ds needed to learn those skills. Our neuropsychologist told us clearly that a traditional high school environment would not be a good choice were we to put him in school before regular college entry. This school has some of the supports that ds needed for making that transition built into their program for all students.

 

 

Yes, I can see that. My son has always seemed a bit behind peers with anything besides academics. He hasn't had a friend in about 5 years I think, so he has no comparison for how he is doing. However, I don't think he's immature. He thinks about things that are beyond my thinking. He has the ability to interact with people when he is called to do it. He is used to things coming to him easily and I think that is why he finds high school a struggle. This has been the first time he's had to actually put effort into a class. He sees it as high school being too hard. I'm trying to talk to him about needing to accept that not all things will come easily.

 

My son is also allergic to anything that feels hard. He has gradually gotten better over the last 2 years. But, honestly, a big part of the improvement has come through working with an academic therapist who is also a speech/language pathologist. Having someone besides me who can patiently challenge him in an encouraging way has made a huge difference. It's an expensive investment but it has paid off big time.

 

Ds did not want to go to school. When we went through the enrollment process he was not particularly engaged with it (to put it mildly). The director of the program told him that the responsibility for success was in his court and that it could go either way as to whether he would make it or not.

 

As for appearing immature, it is hard sometimes to know how to judge. Bright kids with learning &/or social challenges don't always look immature in the ways that immediately grab other people's attention. If they have been home educated with parents who have worked hard at building their social and academic competence, their profile may be different from that of a child who has been educated in the public school system with less support from school, and sometimes less support from parents. My son's school hasn't necessarily appreciated his areas of weakness because he is competent in some ways they don't expect from a student with his diagnoses.

 

 

I've never had great luck finding lists like that. And our doctors, Kaiser Permanente, have been less than helpful. My son has never received any kind of occupational therapy and I wish I could go back and push for it. There are simple things he doesn't know like how to tie a knot. He just didn't have the fine motor skills and got so frustrated manipulating the strings. He started wearing slip-on shoes and now as a teen he still doesn't understand why tying knots is a useful skill. I can't help but wonder what else he may be missing out on.

 

My son has never had OT, either. He is finally beginning to care a bit about his fine motor weaknesses and is beginning to overcome them. I will say that last August I began to supplement with magnesium citrate (400mg) and zinc( 23 mg) and I think it has made a difference in his fine motor abilities. He used to complain about his hand cramping when he handwrote anything. Now he no longer complains. I also think his processing speed is a bit faster.

 

I'll look up the name of the book I'm thinking about and post it later. Maybe others will chime in with some resources.

 

 

 

I'm envious of the people who have their children go from 10th grade to dual-enrollment at a cc. I know Georgia has something like that but it's not for just anyone. There are qualifications that have to be met. But when I talked to him about it, he got upset. He feels I'm pushing him too hard. When he does graduate high school, he can start at the cc and they have online classes. That's what he wants to do because he wants to avoid the people.

 

I wasn't thinking so much of early CC, but of taking classes part-time when he does start. That would give him more time for homework for each class and more time for test preparation.

 

At our CC, students have to test as "college level" on the COMPASS test in Reading and Writing before they can take classes while still a high school student. That is true for students in his charter school as well. The COMPASS test does not require an essay & all questions are multiple-choice. It is similar to the ACT, but is computerized and untimed. I was surprised at how well my son did on the test at age 16. He couldn't write an essay to save his life but he did have good grammar & mechanics skills so was able to recognize good writing well enough to pass the writing portion.

[Tokyomarie]

No, his psychiatrist has absolutely no idea. Again, we have Kaiser and they are just not set up to approach these types of problems. She referred me to our local school system. I tried getting help from them but they were extremely uncooperative because we are homeschoolers. They told me to enroll my child in school and if after a semester or two he is having problems, they will then evaluate him for assistance. That's absolutely impossible. I feel like the only way I can get help is to seek legal help. I can't figure out if that's worth the hassle. It's a very hard road to navigate.

 

Thanks for writing. Sorry I responded with such a long note!

 

 

Has your son ever had a full battery of neuropsychological testing? It's expensive if you have to pay for it all yourself but finding a private neuropsychologist who specializes in assessing children and adolescents with developmental disorders AND who is connected to resources in the community can be worth his/her weight in gold. This kind of testing can also determine whether your son may be eligible for certain accommodations in the school/college environent. I am guessing that extra time on testing in a quiet environment would be on the list of possible accommodations. You might also get more help getting your son connected to community resources for helping him with areas of non-academic development needs.

 

It is not a wise idea to enroll a student in school without having full knowledge of his needs and the ability to advocate for getting those needs met at school. It is hard enough to advocate when you know what you are dealing with. I would be even more difficult to advocate without the benefit of knowing what kind of help he should be eligible to receive. Schools are so cash strapped right now that they try really hard to avoid serving those who appear to have "milder" needs. They can't legally tell a parent they don't have money to serve the student, so they try to make it sound like the student is doing just fine and/or the student's problems are the result of some problem in the home, their previous homeschooling, the student's lack of motivation, or whatever without acknowledging that difficulties may stem from the disability.

 

The hard part is finding cash resources yourself but it's worth exploring whether your son could benefit from getting a private assessment from someone with strong connections to community resources.

[Night Elf]

Has your son ever had a full battery of neuropsychological testing?

 

No, nothing like that. In fact, he was diagnosed by a child psychiatrist based on a chart I filled out and a one-hour appointment that included both me and him. I don't even know where to begin to have such testing done. What kind of professional would do that?

 

I believe I even posted on this board once about figuring out what I need to help my son. I don't even know what to ask for because I don't know what the problems are. I'm really clueless. Every time I research, I get so overwhelmed. The one time I found an autism clinic and paid a hefty sum to have my son evaluated. It was a very long list of questions. They barely talked to my son. I received a report that had all kinds of information BUT my son's name was only mentioned a handful of times. Another boy's name was in most of the report. I was so mad. I think they used a template of some kind. I didn't trust anything in that report and had no other place to turn to.

[JennW in SoCal]

For those of you with teens, how are you preparing your kids for life post high school? What about your students who will be going to college? I worry about how we're approaching this. I'm worried I'm not preparing him properly. Throughout our homeschooling years, and we're in year 11, we have modified both the schoolwork and how he does the work. He is a slow worker, methodical but accurate and efficient. He can write a great essay but it takes him days. College will require a faster pace. He's afraid of college because he understands this point. But if he doesn't go to college, we still have to have a plan for where he can work. He is not impaired to the point of not being able to live independently, but a job that doesn't pay well will not allow him to support himself outside our home. Do you have any thoughts on this? Or resources that might be helpful for me?

 

I'll admit, I think I've coddled him too much. We're working on him becoming more independent and gaining some basic life skills like being responsible for knowing when to shower, or cooking himself meals. He's smart as a whip and does excellent on his academic work, but it's only because he can work at his own pace and do things mostly his way.

 

Hi Beth (and Marie, too)

 

I've read through your conversation, but thought I would respond to this initial post with some comments on what I did with my Aspie before he launched into the big world.

 

We covered some basic life skills through high school electives such as cooking and economics which we treated as personal finance so he could learn to budget and write checks. He even started researching rents in areas he wanted to live while in high school. He didn't get his driver's license til he was 19, but I was glad for the wait as it allowed his brain more time to mature. The difference between 16 and 19 is HUGE!

 

I was fortunate that my ds has had a passion for years, a passion that can be a marketable career, and he is now in a school where he is immersed in those classes. He initially was going to take his time going through community college and a state college as a part time student, but was able to make this transition to living on his own and going to school. It is a fortunate set of circumstances that happens to fit him. There may be something similar for your ds if he has a passion and talent for something, Start looking into majors and researching professional schools. Look at trade magazines, have him research it on line. Talk to people, too, find out how they got to do what they are doing.

 

If your ds starts at a community college, take any diagnosis -- anything at all -- to the special needs office and make an appointment to talk with a counselor. I know a girl who hadn't been tested until community college and she wound up getting special services and accommodations. And don't worry about him taking forever now to write an essay -- he may speed up as his brain matures, and he may not, but he will probably be self-aware enough to pace himself for his classes. Again, he still has so much growing to do -- it is staggering what a difference a year can make, let alone 2 or 3.

 

My ds is still slow and methodical, yet has worked in some pressure cooker environments and done very well. His managers love him because he knows the rules and follows them, is never late and is so very responsible.

 

Take heart, Beth. You haven't coddled, you have been a nurturing mom who has created an environment in which your son can succeed. He can ease into the big adult world and still succeed. And rest assured that not every college and not every other college aged student is ready for and doing fast paced and competitive college work. That has been the biggest surprise to my ds, seeing just how lazy and immature so many or his age-peers are. They flunk out of school and lose jobs because they'd rather party. Kids like ours who are responsible and engaged are a breath of fresh air to managers and college professors.

[TippyCanoe]

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Edited November 21, 2012 by Doodler

[TippyCanoe]

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[Night Elf]

Thank you ladies. I really appreciate the information. I actually posted a new thread asking for more help. I feel like my son just got diagnosed and I have no idea where to turn. You would think after 6-7 years with a diagnosis that we would have a handle on it.

 

And Jenn, thank you for saying I didn't coddle him. That's my DH's word for how I've handled things. It was all fine and dandy when our son was younger. Now that he's a young man, we're really seeing problems in a whole new light. And I'm kicking myself for listening to the original psychiatrist who told me there was nothing to do.

 

Anyway, hopefully I'll get some answers to my other thread so I can move forward with this stuff this week.

[Night Elf]

I'm not sure if this is helpful to you or not, but I thought I'd share it anyway. (Heck, I probably found out about it on this forum in the first place!)

 

http://learning.learningforlife.org/programs/special-ed/

 

This looks rather interesting. Did you buy something? I'm looking at high school level and they look kind of interesting, but if all the lesson plans involve groups I can't see how I get around that at home. This program looks like a lot of learning is done by sharing ideas.

[Night Elf]

I haven't bought it nor used it. I have it stored in the back of my mind for "some day". My SN child is only just turned 9yo, so I'm still living in denial of the fact that he will eventually grow up and need to live a life outside of my home. :lol:

 

:D Yeah, I can relate. If you ask my ds15, he says he's going to live with us forever. He has absolutely no desire to even think about what he's going to do when he earns his high school diploma. In fact, conversations regarding such topics usually end in frustration and tears. He feels like I'm trying to push him out. Poor guy.

[weyland]

My 13 year old son has Asperger's and he just had an 8 hour evaluation at our children's hospital CDRC so I could figure out what next for him to help with his particular challenges. They brought up Transition Planning. The doctor said if he were in school his IEP would require it.

As a parent you can get a free Transition Planning kit from Autism Speaks at

http://www.autismspeaks.org/family-services/tool-kits/transition-tool-kit

 

I was only given a checklist of skills to work on from the hospital, I have not received the kit yet, but I was really excited to learn about it so thought I would share it with you :)

[Night Elf]

My 13 year old son has Asperger's and he just had an 8 hour evaluation at our children's hospital CDRC so I could figure out what next for him to help with his particular challenges. They brought up Transition Planning. The doctor said if he were in school his IEP would require it.

As a parent you can get a free Transition Planning kit from Autism Speaks at

http://www.autismspeaks.org/family-services/tool-kits/transition-tool-kit

 

I was only given a checklist of skills to work on from the hospital, I have not received the kit yet, but I was really excited to learn about it so thought I would share it with you :)

 

Thank you. I'm finding many things to sift through. I'm excited about making some phone calls and seeing what I can set up.