Just a little update on Katya (and a request for advice)

[Cindy in C-ville]

It's been more wonderful and more challenging than we could imagine. She's a precious little girl who has been deeply wounded and is bearing the scars of abandonment.

 

I'd love advice from those who have BTDT, either hosting or adopting an older child. I've read lots of horror stories and I've seen enough in these two weeks to believe them, but I'd love encouragement too.

 

Here's the addy of the blog, in case you need it to catch up: http://welcomingkatya.blog.com/

 

Thanks!

~Cindy

[Dayle in Guatemala]

I can't help you specifically about adoption or hosting an older child, but, I would think that the more secure she feels, the abandonment issues will diminish (I won't say go away). I've been following your blog and praying for you all. It's a wonderful thing you're doing! It's going to take a while for her to feel safe.

[Adrianne]

Cindy, :grouphug:

 

I can't offer you any advice, but I will pray that you find the perseverance and encouragement you need.

 

I read your blog and God bless you for what you are doing. Your blog is beautiful and really glorifies His name. (you had me in tears!)

 

I will continue to pray for your family and Katya that the Lord may heal her wounded heart and that He opens the heart of your family to give her the love she needs to heal.

 

Keep up the good work!

[cin]

I will give you encouragement. I have a friend who adopted 2 beautiful young girls from Russia. Nadya and Vera. They were both 'older' when they were adopted. I'd say between 5 & 10. Very rough guess. But the girls are both in middle & high school now. And they are FABULOUS girls. No abandonment issues at all. Very active in our church & youth group, homeschooled (& co-op) and very well-liked. They are siblings, and I don't know their whole story, but I think there was alcohol involved with one of their birth parents. BUT, I'm not certain.

 

I know, without a doubt, that these girls have been covered in prayer since they were spotted by their parents (who, btw, went over to adopt a baby girl, and came home with 2 older girls. The girls were a 'sibling group' you had to take both, and they did without hesitation).

 

God can do amazing things, and as an adoptee, I firmly beleive that Katya will overcome her abandonment issues when she realizes that this was ALL part of God's plan. God wanted her with YOU. There are 2 verses that I hold near and dear, that explains it all:

 

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

 

 

 

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother's womb.

 

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, 16 your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be. Psalm 119:13-16

 

 

These both reinforced to me that God was in control and it had nothing to do with being abandoned (which I wasn't...He was there with me all along!) or not wanted. Because God knew the perfect parents for me, and He just got us together in a 'non-traditional' way.

 

Hugs and Prayers!

[Rose in BC]

They came to us after living in foster care for the first four years of their lives. I know our stories are not completely the same as my boys did not come from a foreign country which completely adds another dimension to your situation but I can relate to some of the attachment issues.

 

One of our boys made the transition fairly easily and I think this was a result of both his personality and the home he lived in prior to coming to us. They had done a great job of preparing him. Our other son, however, had a more difficult time transitioning and even still, almost 7 years later, we still deal with some of the after math. There are many, many days and nights were I am praying for God's wisdom and intervention in situations that are difficult and draining but like you I know that the family God has assembled is not a mistake.

 

Practically speaking I would do as much together with your new daughter as possible to encourage attachment. I think the sense of security and the sense of belonging to you forever is critical. I know there's a language barrier so much of your attachment in the beginning will be physical. While I recognize some children are resistant to physical hugging etc this is what we concentrated on in the early years. I would make an effort to stroke my child's arm, I would hug him as much as I could, I would sit with him in close proximity and of course I would continuously tell them how much we loved him. (This love of course wasn't the same in the beginning as it is now but more of an intentional love.) We also told our boys many, many times that they are with their forever family and that we would love them through the good times and the bad (we emphasized that doing something naughty would not make us "give them away"). It's always a tug on my heart strings to think of some of the conversations we have had with our boys regarding their situations but we make an effort to be open and honest.

 

I guess the best thing I can do is encourage you to "run the race set before you". It's not always easy. I agree with you that most of the stories we hear are horror stories but I would say 7 and 8 years later, I am proud of my children and proud of the people they are.

[Cindy in C-ville]

Dayle and Adrianne, thank you for your sweet encouragement. And Cin and Rose for your stories and scripture. Right now, the race is these next few days (until July 14) that we have with Katya and I want to run the well - filled up, persevering, overflowing love. My sweet SIL reminded me today that NOTHING is wasted in the Kingdom and this also has been a tremendous encouragement. Right now, everyone is resting. :) Woo-hoo! We'll head to the pool in a little bit and take a light supper so that we can just stay as long as we want.

 

~Cindy