Adoption, emotions and delays in language skills

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I'm debating whats best for my dd5. Outside of communication skills my daughter is at age level or above. It just going to take time with her hearing loss to get communication skills close to age range. She is going through all the emotions of being adopted and how her world changed about 18 months ago. She has enough language to express frustration with dd4 name change. The problem is her receptive language are so far behind her expressive skills that she missed everything I tried to explain.

 

Dd4 was given two name and we switched order. I doubt she will ever be a to say her middle name correctly let alone hear it without hearing aids. Dd5 doesn't understand that this is not a new name. We did give dd5 a middle name since she had only one given.

 

I use middle names with my "normal" hearing children when they are in trouble (one auditor processing issues). Both are mostly past this stage (2 and 3 year olds that your trying to get attention) The two little ones get a change in body language and visual cues. So both girls don't know their middle names.

 

Should I teach my girls right now their middle names and risk more frustration for dd5.

 

We are not looking at RAD but PTSD due to trauma and abuse. A few attachment problems but this is normal for a child that has only spent a little over a year home. Her therapist can debate both sides and thinks I should go with my gut. If you can't tell I'm not sure.

[Pen]

Hmmm. I have an adopted sn child (who had a name change), so the title got me to look at this post, and this will give you a bump up.

 

I don't understand the issues, I guess. And if one dd cannot hear or say own name, I don't understand about the teaching of it until she is old enough to need to write/read it on official documents? Maybe someone else will understand better.

 

My son was old enough to be involved in his own new name decisions, and it was a very big deal emotionally, as it had to do with the core of who he is, and attachments to old vs. new situation. I have never used his name to indicate being "in trouble".

 

ETA: I reread your post and think maybe issue is that DD5 is confused by the name change of DD4? If so, Maybe go over the name change situation with DD5 again, the explanation she did not understand the first time about DD4's name? Or Maybe let DD5 come up with her own nickname for DD4 as long as it is something that DD4 can herself hear and say?

Edited May 26, 2012 by Pen

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Dd4 was involved with her name change but not with real reasoning skills. DD5 did not want her named changed 18 to 24 months ago. We did change the spelling so it works well in English.

 

DD4 has amazing fine motor skills and could write her name now if she wanted too. This would be mostly for dd5. DD4 would just see this as great fun like any other copywork she given.

 

DD5 thinks she wants a new name. Lots of little things go into this. The trauma from her life makes her think she's bad. Therapist thinks she is trying to make sure she not bad by way of a new name. We are working on this. This problem is not consuming dd5 but it hard to tell whats best. She come so far but we have a long way to go.

[Dobela]

there are degees of severity in RAD from mild to severe. PTSD and RAD have some similar qualities and characteristics. After being a foster parent, it is my personal opinion that all children who have been adopted as older children have RAD to some degree simply because they have had dramatic changes in caregivers at least once, if not more, times in their life.

 

I see no issue with teaching them their first and middle names, and using them both for a time. Or find some way to work on full names for a time. I would take time to show documents that show the new names (such as birth certificates or adoption paperwork) and let them help identify with the changes. Could it be that the one without the name change is jealous and would have liked having a new name as well? Could you come up with a nickname together?