Should I friend a relative on facebook who may not want to be friended?

[Slipper]

We have a traditional "long lost cousin" who ran away from home when she was 15 and over the years stops by to visit. I remember she came for Thanksgiving when I was 16 yrs old and then we didn't see her again until last year when she was in our state. The bulk of our family cut her off (when she ran away) because she was a "troubled child" and possibly into drugs. (I have other thoughts as to why she was cut off). She wasn't cut out of the will, but another sibling was left in charge of her share and refused to give it to her (and it's now gone).

 

My cousin (grandmother's sister's child) is now in her 50's. We suspect that she's gay (which has led to other family members being 'polite' but not wanting a relationship), she's authored a book and now works in a gym (as well as being a former holder of weightlifting titles).

 

When she came to visit us (my mother lives next door), she became a bit teary-eyed about being welcomed for a visit. She said that she thought her entire family had abandoned her and to find family after all this time meant a lot to her.

 

When she left, we exchanged a few emails but they dropped off. I found her recently on facebook and thought it odd that she hadn't friended ANY of our family. I was about to friend her but then I wondered if maybe she didn't want her private life exposed to family? I felt like she was trying to conceal a girlfriend when she visited. She would make comments and it was obvious to me that she has a girlfriend but she wasn't out with it. She acted like she was hiding it, so I don't want to tell her it's okay with me if she's gay. (I'm sure she's out in her world, just not ours). She has a job she loves, a new book she's writing, many friends. On the other hand, she seemed to really crave a connection with family.

 

So...should I contact her on facebook or not? I haven't emailed her in a while but my other option is to email her and ask her about facebook.

[TrulySusan]

I think you should send her a friend request. You can't really friend her unless she accepts the request. I bet she will.:grouphug:

[kewb]

I would reach out to her. The worst thing that will happen is she does not accept the request.

[ocelotmom]

I send a friend request, along with an email/FB message saying something along the lines of "If you want to keep your family and private life separate, I understand, and won't be offended if you don't accept the friends request, but I love you and want to keep in better touch."

 

Even if she ends up declining the request, I imagine she'll appreciate the thought.

[LisaKinVA]

She may not have "friended" any relatives, because she may be afraid of more rejection. I'd send her the request. You may just make her day!