Coping as a Parent- stress or more?

[Paige]

I'm starting to wonder if I am simply stressed from my list of legitimate serious stressors or if I'm in a funk that I need to see someone about. How do you know? We have a lot of issues here-

-move to a new state that I knew going into it that I don't like. It's military, not a choice. I thought it would be a short tour, but it just became a long tour.

-my DS started acting depressed and suicidal after the move and has been seeing doctors. He clearly has *something* going on whether it is ADD/OCD/ sensory, etc., and it is not getting better yet.

-One DD just had surgery, is no longer walking because of the surgery, has started pt 3-4 times a week, and is looking at another surgery in a few months which will be more invasive and harder.

-DDs 1 & 2 need to be evaluated for learning disorders and we are working with the school system on setting that up. Something is clearly off somewhere and it is stressful for everyone

-DD 2 has ongoing health issues that we thought were resolved and getting better but she has just seriously relapsed. We're going to have to take her to a specialist and she very much doesn't want to go. I'm soooo tired of this one.

-For some strange reason all 3 of my DDs have started wetting the bed every night. It's like a one last straw thing for me. Why? I'm drowning in a mountain of pee laundry.

-Little DD is allergic to this state and needs to see a dermatologist. I just don't have time to get it taken care of. I feel like it's a triage situation and her issues are relatively minor. Still, since we moved, she has developed a constant itchy rash that we cannot control. It's uncomfortable for her and looks awful.

-Little DD's preschool closed mid-year and she's sad. She misses her friends and is acting out from being mad and bored.

-My poor sick dog licks the floor all day long. Dr said it is because of his meds. It's like a dripping sound all day long.

-The kitten we got to cheer DS up, has turned out to be disturbed. Seriously- the vet recommends prozac.

-DH needs surgery within the next few months too. He's had this one before and reacts poorly to the meds and anesthesia, so I'm not looking forward to this one.

-Because of the move, we have no close friends or babysitters nearby. I have new friendly people, acquaintances, etc., but nobody I know well enough to ask to watch the kids during our so frequent Dr and specialist appointments or to tell exactly what the kids' issues are right now.

 

Is that all? :confused: I don't feel depressed, but I am short tempered, cranky, getting constant stress headaches, and not sleeping well. I feel like it's normal to feel this way with all we have going on, but I don't like feeling like such a witch all the time. I don't want to be short tempered and cranky. I feel a little overwhelmed with all the medical issues and keeping them straight and finding resources, but isn't that to be expected? I find I prefer to just sit and be quiet and do nothing when I have free time rather than do something, which sounds depressed, but I don't feel like I'm depressed. Instead, I feel like I just want some time to do -nothing- after stressing about issues all day. I have never been on any anti-depressants or similar drugs and have never had any mood issues. Does it sound like something I should see a Dr about and maybe ask for some pill to help me deal better? I don't know....it seems kind of wrong to want a pill to be in a better mood for regular life. I feel like if we had just half of our kids' special needs then I wouldn't be so cranky and wouldn't be posting.

 

I guess my main point is- How do you cope as a mom with multiple draining special needs among your kids, and how do you know if you aren't coping well on your own and need to see someone for yourself? There is no way we could find time for me to just see a talking therapist/counselor. No way. I have appointments at least 4 times a week as it is that I can't find a babysitter for, the kids have extracurricular activities 4 times a week, and we still have to do school.

[PeterPan]

Honestly, I'd make some radical chops to bring peace back to your lives. That many appointments and that many extra-currics and that many problems all at once is too many. Sounds like *everyone* is too stressed there. It's not just you. ;)

 

If you paused all the extra-currics for a month (just being radical), might let you have time to go to the park or connect with groups to make friends, get on top of that laundry, etc.

 

I'd axe the cat. You don't need that problem. Sounds like the dog needs to go in his kennel till he's done with the meds.

 

BTW, how many kids do you have?? Could you fill in your sig? :)

 

Is there anything about the house? I mean to move and suddenly develop all these health and emotional problems in everyone is kind of suspicious that it's environmental.

 

I hope you get it figured out. For me though, the answer is finding out what is making the problem and being radical enough to cut it, even if you kids don't like the decision. Peace is worth an awful lot. And yes, it's normal to want some time to yourself to do nothing.

[Walking-Iris]

Moving is stressful---try to just drop unnecessary things and explore your new environment. I agree with ohelizabeth---it's harsh to hear, but when I had a newborn and life started getting crazy for me---the cat was the first thing to go...he was crazy and stressful to live with. Pets are a lot of work and unless they are real solid additions to your family, it might be best to find them new homes.(especially if you're having health/allergies/air quality issues) BTW I had a friend in college who had a cat who had issues and was on meds, it needed to be kept in a large dog carrier in a separate room because it was violent and erratic. Not something I would think would be nice for kids and a peaceful home.

 

And I agree about getting your air quality or your heating/cooling vents checked.

 

Also depending on the age of your kids---see what you can postpone or just plain eliminate from your day.

 

Also i want to add that if you feel like you're wondering if you should talk to someone---then maybe you do? Not meds necessarily (that works for some, it seems to be working for my ds) but talking to someone helps. Maybe you can try to find a church (if you're inclined that way) or a co-op group to find some other mothers that you can become friendlies with---you may be able to find some help with kid watching that way.

 

And fwiw--I feel that way most days---just want to sit in the quiet and read---don't want to do anything. I think that's somewhat normal---with that many kids you're doing something all day long.

Edited March 6, 2012 by Walking-Iris

[funnygirl]

Just wanted to offer :grouphug: and say that I'm struggling too, and I don't have NEARLY the issues that you've got going on.

 

OHEliz has it right: simplify, simplify, simplify.